


The Right Hand

by Milly_Blank



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Catra is She-Ra, Angst, Child Abuse, F/F, Force Captain Adora, Horde Adora (She-Ra), Past Child Abuse, Sleep Paralysis, Torture, she-ra au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:14:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 27
Words: 46,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22915321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milly_Blank/pseuds/Milly_Blank
Summary: Adora has watched her best friend, Catra, run away to join the Princesses and become She-Ra and left her to pick up the pieces. Shadow Weaver demands perfection, now, more than ever. She has to stop the rebellion and save Catra from herself.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora & Scorpia (She-Ra), Adora & Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Glimmer (She-Ra), Adora/Scorpia (She-Ra)
Comments: 267
Kudos: 822





	1. Chapter 1

Adora stared up at the ceiling of her private Force Captain quarters and just let the dim light bathe her face. She pushed the hair out of her face and felt the bandage on her cheek and caught herself at the edge of her missing eye. She hastily leaned over to her bedside table and slipped on her eye patch. 

She looked in her mirror as she slid her jacket over her white issue spandex undershirt. She felt her joints ache as she brushed out her hair and tucked it up into a high ponytail. 

She breathed in and out deeply as she pinned the Force Captain badge to her lapel. Her hands felt shaky as she tried to pat down any wrinkles in her outfit. She looked at herself one last time in the mirror and found her hand wandering to her eye again. 

She dropped her arm to her side and left out of her room and out into the busy halls of the Fright Zone's barrack buildings. 

"Hail Hordak!" some cadets shouted to her. She found her words lacking so she simply nodded. 

"...she's the one that killed him...." she thought she heard someone say among a crowd outside the rations station. She quickly got her pick of ration bars and left. Her chest swirling with some feeling Adora could not describe. 

She plopped back down on the bed in her room and slowly ate one of small dense grey bars alone. She stashed the rest in a small cupboard beside her mirror to have for later. 

Suddenly her badge lit up.

"Force Captain Adora. Come in?

"Yes?"

"Shadow Weaver has asked to see you immediately."

"Understood." Adora choked out, using her best professional voice. It had been a week since.....since she last saw Shadow Weaver. The thought of that crimson mask and piercing eyes made it hard to breathe. Just the mention of the person who raised her made Adora want to shrink to nothingness. 

A few moments later she entered the Black Garnet chamber and bowed her head. 

"You asked to see me, Shadow Weaver?" Adora said, trying not to let her words quiver. 

Shadow Weaver was running her fingers along the surface of the sparking and crackling Black Garnet rune stone. Her wild ebony hair flared and whipped as red bursts of light snapped in the air. 

"Ahhh. Adora. My dear, I have a mission for you."

"A mission?" Adora straightened up a bit but still could not look at Shadow Weaver. 

"Yes. My shadow spies have caught sight of that miserable creature and her associates charting a ship for Salineas. You are to go there, kill her and take that sword."

"Kill her?! But Shadow Weaver--"

Shadow Weaver slowly turned away from the stone and made her way to Adora. Adora felt her legs tremble a bit under her as she saw those eyes making their way toward her.  


Shadow Weaver reached her hand up toward Adora, who instinctively turned her head away before she realized Shadow Weaver just wanted to run her hand along her cheek.

"I know you had affection for her but she's betrayed us all and proven herself to be every bit the worthless thing I always knew she'd be." 

Shadow Weaver's hand made slow, mechanical, circles along Adora's cheek as she nuzzled against it. 

"But--Maybe she's just confused? Maybe the princesses did something to her? She can be useful to us--"

"Oh Adora....You always were such a soft soul. But I'm afraid this is what must be done."

"But..." Adora dropped her gaze down to her shoes and then for a moment looked at her right hand and felt it twitch. 

"Look at me, Adora." 

Shadow weaver slid her hand off of Adora's face and with her index finger lifted Adora's chin so she'd look at her. Reluctantly Adora looked into those eyes. 

"Ah...there you are....Oh Adora..." Shadow weaver gently brushed the stray hairs out from away Adora's remaining eye and tucked it behind her ear. "...You used to have such beautiful eyes..."

Adora's stomach twisted and sunk. She could feel her eye getting warm with tears. 

"What do you need me to do?..."

* * * * *

The sea air whipped through Adora's hair as she stood on the starboard side of a Horde gunner ship. The Ocean was calm and quiet but the giant scorpion woman Shadow Weaver had assigned to accompany her was not. She would not stop talking. 

"You know what I love about boats?!"

"I don't know....the--

"The crashing waves! The sea salt air! Nothing but water all around for miles!"

Adora was fiddling with something on her com-pad, trying to give the perception she was busy. Any way to signal the other Force Captain to leave her be. 

"What do you like about boats?!"

"I don't know....They're convenient? I don't know. Look, I need to get prepared for the assault so--"

"I get ya! Focus! That's my motto! Focus!" Scorpia shouted cheerfully. 

"Well focus then..." Adora slapped the com-pad against Scorpia's stomach and left it there until she grabbed it with her claws. 

Adora walked out to the center of the deck and cupped her hands around the sides of her mouth to make herself heard over the waves and wind. "Attention cadets! You have your assignments! We're reaching the Salineas Sea Gate within the hour! Make your last preparations!" 

Lonnie and Kyle shouted back with a hearty "Yes Force Captain!" while Rogelio gave a silent salute. 

Adora turned back around and began to make her way to the front of the ship when Scorpia leaned in next to her. "Ohh! Nice captain yell! You know I like to--"

Adora snapped around and stared up at Scorpia. "I don't care! I don't care about your pointers or your 'cool tips' or your little slogans! Shut up and do your job! How does that sound, princess?"

"Wha?"

"That's right. I read about you during orientation. Why they let a princess be a Force Captain I'll never know....but I promise you I won't let you ruin this operation for me!"

Suddenly, Adora realized she was clenching both hands into fists so hard her tendons ached. She quickly brushed a hand through her hair and turned away back toward the front of the ship. "I apologize...." was all she could let out before she left Scorpia standing center deck, alone.

* * * * *

The Sea Gate came into view and Adora shot up the hand signal to slow the ship and then another signal for the cadets to charge the laser cannon. That's when Adora saw it. The blonde woman in the cape. The shinning, bright thing that has taken Catra. 

"She-ra...." Adora mumbled to her self. "I'm taking a sea skiff out to the gate! Fire on the gate when Scorpia gives the command!" Adora shouted. 

Scopria nodded and ran to her place near the cadets at the cannon.

As Adora was reaching the Sea Gate platform the cannon struck the glitching gate sending the other rebels to deal with her crew, while Adora climbed up the back of the keep undetected. Adora stood behind She-ra for a moment studying her moments. The figure had Catra's feline tail and ears, but she was wrong. She wasn't the soft thing that curled up at her feet at night... Catra just the vessel. She-ra's attention was on shooting some energy from her sword into the gate.

"I never used to be able to sneak up on Catra...."

She-Ra jumped and her grip on her sword slipped and she juggled the hilt for a moment before regaining her grip. "Adora?!" She Ra's look of surprise was washed away quickly with a look of confusion and concern. "Adora....what happened to your eye?"

Adora's hand instinctively went to her eye patch and she quickly pulled it back down to her side and next to the dagger on her belt. "Nothing! Look! I've come to ask you to let my friend Catra go! I don't know why you took her and made her into this....Princess....but I WANT HER BACK!" Adora shouted as She-Ra looks back down at her confused.

"Adora...It's me. It's Catra. I told you. I couldn't go back...for a lot of reasons....Please. I need to do this! I can finally do something I'm proud of!"

"Proud!? What do you know about pride?!" Adora spat as she grabbed her dagger and slashed at She Ra. Metal clanked against metal as her dagger strike was defected and finding She-Ra's loose arm, leaving a flesh wound. 

"We can go back! Leave this awful, confusing mess behind us! Forget She-Ra and go back home....Together...."

She-Ra's, soft blue crescent eyes seemed lost in thought for a moment, before she straightened up, ready to fight. "I can't go back there. I was a worse person there! Please I don't want to hurt you Adora!"

"You never could!" Adora wildly slashed as she tried to drive She-Ra backward. "Catra could never beat me...."Her dagger dug into She-Ra's thigh, as She-Ra's powerful arm swung back and hit Adora in the side of her head.

A buzzing cloud filled Adora's skull as her ears rung. She was some how still on her feet and she slid back into a defensive position. A drop of blood found its way from Adora's nose to the top of her lip. "Come on! Really hit me, Princess!!!" 

She-Ra stood there, her eyes uncertain. "Adora?...are you okay?" 

"That better not be pity in your eyes, Princess! I don't get pitted!! " She swung wildly, bare handed and off balance. Her fists hit the raised wrists of The Princess of Power and it felt like punching granite. Adora spat blood from her mouth and screamed as she again tried to punch through She-Ra's defenses. To both their amazement She-Ra slid back before re-establishing footing. 

Then as Adora reached back for to swing again a burst of water hit her in the chest and she was splashed into the ocean below. 

She felt herself sinking. Sinking like a stone. But she was floating on her back. 

The gate lit up with a brilliant light. And a clawed arm reached out and pulled Adora to safety.


	2. Chapter 2

Adora stumbled off of the transport and leaned against the back of it as she watched her cadets quickly salute her and make their way back into the barracks. Scorpia climbed down the transport steps and stood next to Adora. She awkwardly shuffled her feet as Adora tried to keep her sight forward. 

"What?" Adora finally asked. 

"Well, I was thinking maybe you should see a medic?"

"I told you on the skiff. I don't need one. I'm fine." Adora said, trying not to be obviously holding herself up with help from the sturdy frame of the transport truck. 

"Right....But you were hit pretty hard--"

"It was nothing!" Adora turned to face the scorpion woman, but wobbled as she shouted. "I could take a thousand hits like that--for my mission!"

"Adora?"

Adora found her knees buckling under her and her vision blur around the edges. "..I--I'm strong enough to--I can--"

Adora's legs gave way and she fell forward, caught gently by Scorpia. Suddenly her vision went and she was out cold. 

Adora's eye shot open again and she was in a medic's station on the edge of the barracks complex. Scorpia was hovering over her as the medic was surveying her bruises. 

"Oh good! You came to, Force Captain!" the medic, saluted. "I hope you don't mind, Force Captain Scorpia insisted on my seeing you." 

Adora looked up at Scorpia, worry filling her big wet eyes. "Did she, now?"

"Yes. I was told you hit the water pretty hard...have you noticed any bleeding from your ears?"

"No." Adora answered curtly. 

"Any whoosiness?"

"A little bit!" Scorpia chimed in and Adora gave her a glare. "Sorry."

"...Did you kill him?"

"What?! What did you say?!" Adora leapt to her feet. 

"I asked if you've been having any ringing in your ears?"

Adora stood there for a moment. Her legs felt like they were crumbling under her. "I thought---Uh...I no..."

"Well I think you just have a broken nose and a mild concussion. You should rest for a few hours. I'll give you something for the pain. Nothing major." 

"....Thank you..." Adora pushed past Scorpia as she slowly made her way toward her room. 

Scorpia was tentatively following her as they weaved around cadets and troops rushing to their assignments. 

"Why are you following me?" Adora shot over her shoulder. 

"I dunno. To make sure you make it to your room? I mean you do have a concussion..." Scorpia said sheepishly. 

"Fine..." Adora sighed, and braced herself against the wall as she walked. "...but the moment I'm back in my quarters you leave...."

"Of course!" Scorpia said, cheerfully. She carefully slide a claw under Adora's arm and helped her walk. "Lemme give you a hand!"

Adora reluctantly, at first, leaned leaned against Scorpia as they slowly made their way to the Force Captain's barracks. 

"Don't you dare tell anyone about this...." Adora tiredly spat. 

"Okay.....but why?"

"You know why. If word gets out how badly I'm hurt....how badly I did in Salineas...."

"Oh that! Well....I mean our reports were made and Shadow Weaver hasn't said anything--"

"She will. She'll call me in and remind me of every mistake I made. How I only left flesh wounds while that Princess knocked the crap out of me."

"Yeah I got hit with that mermaid's water attack too! Like getting smacked with a boulder of sea water! I tell ya..."

Adora's eye darted down to her feet, as she shuffled. "Yeah...that's who I meant..."

* * * * *

Adora sat on the edge of her cot and slowly unlatched the straps on her coat, letting the fabric loosen. She had 'super duper promised' to lay down and rest when Scorpia had left, but, she knew she couldn't. She had to be ready when Shadow Weaver called her in. 

Prepared. Sharp. Focused. She couldn't afford to be lazy.

She looked down at her hands a moment. Her knuckles were wrapped in bandages. She flexed them a bit and felt a dull ache ripple through the cartilage. She turned her eye to the mirror. She looked into her own right eye and saw how dull and tired it looked. Her hand trembled a bit as she pulled at her hair tie trying to tighten it, instead she felt it snap. Her blonde hair fell into her face.

Adora grabbed at her hair and began to rip. She dug her fingertips into her scalp and began to growl to herself. Her eye welled with tears as she scrapped her fingernails against the leather of the strap of the eye patch . 

Just then her badge lit up. 

"Force Captain, Adora. Come in?"

Slowly Adora lowered her hand to tap her com. "Yes?"

"Shadow Weaver wants to see you immediately."

"Understood." And adora clicked off her transmission. 

She stood again. She had not noticed she pulled out a clump of her hair until she went to straighten her coat. She watched the yellow strands fall to the floor. Quickly, took a palm-full of water from the sink and splashed it into her hair and slicked it back the best she could. 

"No one will notice. No one will notice...." She mumbled to herself as she pulled her coat back closed and steadied herself. 

"No one will notice..." she continued mumbling as she closed the door behind her. 

* * * * *

Adora took a sharp, deep breath. She strode into the Black Garnet chamber and lowered her head into a bow. 

"You asked for me, Shadow Weaver?"

Shadow Weaver looked away from a screen displaying troop deployment information and turned her attention to her ward. 

"Adora. Yes. How are you my dear? Word was you were quite badly hurt..." Shadow Weaver's words were syrupy sweet. 

"...I.." Adora sputtered, still averting her gaze. Heard from who? Had Scorpia already let her down? 

Without Adora realizing, Shadow Weaver had moved in close to her. She was suddenly right over her. Hovering. Her pale eyes piecing her. 

Shadow Weaver ran her fingers softly along Adora's cheek and along the outline of her eye patch. "Look at you Adora...So strong. So diligent..." Suddenly her hand found its way quickly to Adora's neck. "So fragile." She slowly applied more and more pressure as she spoke. "I raised you for one reason. Do you know what that reason was?"

Adora choked her words as she felt Shadow Weaver's nails scrape her throat. "Because I --I have--power...." 

"That's right. And do you know what that power is for?"

"For--for--you." Adora felt her right hand tremble and twitch. 

"Verrry good! And of course you know any power you have can be dwarfed....clearly. Look at you Adora. So torn up and so hurt. I know how cruel those princesses can be." Shadow Weaver's black tendrils of hair whipped as she leaned down to Adora's eye level. "Believe me."

Adora looked up at Shadow Weaver as her grip tightened. Adora began gulping to find any air she could. "But failure is inexcusable. I did NOT raise you to fail! I did not foster that little tiny bit of natural power you were graced with to see you squander it! Do you understand me?! Because remember! Without me! You are nothing! Say it!"

Adora gasped and somehow found words spitting out over the slow suffocation. “I--I am no--nothing...without yo--you!”

Shadow Weaver released her grasp and suddenly the sensation of air filling her lungs, knocked Adora to her knees. She sucked in any oxygen she could as she rubbed her throat. 

“Force Captain, next time I send you with a mission to complete...you better complete it....”

“Un--Understood.” 

“Dismissed.”

Adora quickly climbed to her feet and scuffled out of the Black Garnet chamber. In failure.


	3. Chapter 3

Adora twisted and turned in her cot as she dreamed. The angry red eyes turning dim. Her hand clenched her sheets. The darkness around her. Always. Encircling. The tears dropping as she screamed out in agony. 

Adora sucked in air as she shot up straight in her bed. She surveyed the room, expecting someone--something. But nothing was there. Adora slid the knife she had retrieved by instinct, back under her pillow. 

She huffed and slowly climbed out of her cot. She wasn't going to sleep again tonight. She slowly slid on her eye patch and laced on her boots. She grabbed a towel and clipped her com badge to her belt as she made her way to the work out area of the Force Captains' barracks. 

Adora stepped into a large square room. It's center was lined with a collection of dumbbells and makeshift bench press stations. And several punching bags hung from the ceiling along with chin up and balance bars. The outside perimeter was cleared as a sort of track for people to jog and run. 

Thankfully for Adora, at this hour, the room was empty. She took a quick breath and began a slow jog around the path. She ached but she was used to that. The creaking in her bones felt familiar. 

She picked up her pace as she competed her first lap. The driving repetitive motion of running had long been a calming thing for Adora. Since she was seven years old and Shadow Weaver insisted she start endurance training. It was hard running at first. But, like most things....Adora got used to it. 

Adora had turned to make her seventh lap when she saw Octavia slip into the room. Damn. She had hoped she could just run for an hour or two and duck back into her room. And of all the people to see...Octavia...Octavia brought up a lot of bad memories. 

Memories of Catra. Memories of being a child and running from this huge woman who made their lives hell. Memories of what felt like some other life. 

Adora ducked her head low as she slowed her pace down and tried to disappear back out of the room without catching Octavia's attention. 

But, no such luck. Octavia spotted her instantly and bellowed, in a boisterous tone "It's you!"

"Yep. I'm me. I apologize Force Captain, Octavia, I must be returning to my quarters."

Octavia threw her arm around Adora, ignoring her.

"You know! I don't think we've really talked since you got the promotion!! How's it been?!"

"Uh--It's a great honor. I appreciate your attention." Adora averted her gaze. 

"Ah. Come on! No I mean what do you really think!? No need to be all regulations!"

Adora's mind raced. 'Is she messing with me?' was all she thought. Octavia had always been a bully. She was cruel. 

"It's fine. I have work to do...." Adora turned to walk, letting Octavia's arm slide off her shoulder. 

"How'd you lose the eye?"

Adora stood frozen. She felt like she was trembling. She couldn't look like she was trembling.

"Must have not been that long ago.."

"I--I don--"

"...I mean you know how I lost mine.."

"I have to--"

"... that mongrel of a girlfriend of yours scratched it out." Octavia's lips curled into a sly smile. 

Adora turned around and clenched her fist.

"You mention her again and I'll kill you..." Adora spat. 

Octavia simply chuckled, waved Adora way, turned and headed to a bench press station. 

Adora stood there for a moment, feeling the blood pulse in her veins before turning and heading back out toward her room. 

* * * * * *

Adora's rations cupboard was running dry. She had to face the ration station. Since her run in with Octavia she had been very careful about being seen by other people outside of assigned training and day to day organizational duties. 

Since she found herself sleeping less, she has used those hours to duck into the exercise area in the dead of night and work out until her whole body ached. 

Adora took a long deep breath and flattened the wrinkles in her coat as she stepped out into the barrack hallways. As she strode toward the ration area, she tried to strike her firmest, strongest Force Captain posture. All the while, she just thought about how she had not heard from Shadow Weaver since their....discussion after the attack on Salineas. 

Salineas....The name still made Adora's stomach twist. She-Ra was right in front of her. She should have gone for the killing strike. Dug her dagger into her throat. 

The image of a bright golden Catra bleeding out at her feet filled Adora's mind for a moment. She felt sick. 

Adora stepped into the ration center and looked over a few cadets sitting at a table and then found a line of troops waiting to be given their bars. Suddenly she heard a familiar, cheerful voice. 

"Adora!!" Scorpia waved her claw over head. "Hey Adora! Over here!!" She shouted, with a volume way too loud for the nearly empty room. 

Adora sighed and walked over to meet Scorpia by the dispensary window. "Hello, Scorpia..."

Adora shot up three fingers and she was given three wrapped ration bars. 

"Ah. Goin' with the grey ones? Excellent choice!"

"Hmm."

Scorpia tried her best to fit her pile of bars into the bend of her arm. "I like to do a one for one type deal! Variety is the spice of life! So I have a brown one one day then the grey....then...the grey again because often they don't have a brown one but--when they do....Man! I sure do eat it!"

Adora watched Scorpia balance her food as she spoke. Shuffling them between her claws as she gestured wildly. 

"...oh...did you wanna sit and eat?" Scorpia cautiously suggested. 

"Uh--" Adora looked around her and saw troops funneling in. Shift change... "No."

"Oh..." Scorpia's face sunk. Why did it make Adora feel so bad to see Scorpia sad? 

"Not here. Come on. We'll go to my room." Adora waved for Scorpia to follow as she left the ration center. 

"Your room? Oh!" Scorpia quickly jogged to catch up with Adora. "Why are we eating in your room?"

"Because there were too many people there. I dunno. " Adora huffed out. 

"Oh...." Scorpia seemed to be running through her mental list of small talk topics as they walked. But before she could pick one they were at Adora's door. 

"Uh-- It's been a long time since anyone else has been in here so please forgive any mess. " Adora said, clearly trying to hide her anxiety. Scorpia nodded.

Adora unlocked her door and Scorpia saw....A impeccably kept room. The floor and bedside table were spotless and it looked like Adora had recently polished her mirror. 

"It's a mess...." Adora said under her breath. "Uh-- you can sit down at the desk. " Adora placed two of her bars into her cupboard and then sat tentatively on her cot and started to unwrap the third. 

likewise, Scorpia gently placed her five or six bars down and started tearing at one with her claw, being surprisingly precise. She peeled the wrapper back began to chomp at her bar while taking the occasional look over to Adora. 

"So...um...enjoying the lull between assignments?" Scopria finally said. 

"....Sure." 

"I know I have! I mean, I may have a nearly indestructible exoskeleton but even I need a break every once in a while! I tell ya some old fashioned r and r does a body good! Ya know what I mean?"

Adora nodded. 

"I'm serious....rest is important..." Scopia stared at Adora for a moment before chewing into her ration bar again. 

"Scorpia?"

"Hmm?"

"Does everyone hate me?" Adora asked, her eye darting over to Scorpia and then down to the floor.

"What?...Why--" Scorpia placed her half eaten bar down and sat next to Adora.

"I'm letting so many people down all the time. I haven't been perfect."

"Oh! Adora! No one expects you to be perfect!"

"Shadow Weaver does! Anything less than perfect and I let her down! I let everyone down!"

Scorpia reached up a claw and placed it on Adora's shoulder. Adora wiped tears from her eye and took a long big breath. 

"I have always been expected to be better. To do better. And for a while I fooled myself into thinking it would be so easy. It was easy. Even the hard work....But since....Becoming Force Captain everything has been so damn hard..."

Adora turned to face Scorpia. She looked at Adora with a blush on her face and pity in her eyes. 

"Adora--"

"....I know it's clearly my fault. It always is..." Adora leaned her head in her hands and just sat for a moment. Then it hit her that she's been rambling. "Sorry never mind..."

Scorpia stood up, suddenly and opened her arms wide. "Us Scorpions are known for three things! Our bravery! Our Loyalty! And our hugs! Now get in here!" Scorpia made little 'come here' motions with her arms. 

"What?! No! Wait--no! I'm not hugging you! "

"Why not?"

"Well! You're a Princess for one! Don't think I forgot that! And two! You told Shadow Weaver about how hurt I was after Salineas..."

"What? No I didn't!"

"Of course you did! Or it's your fault at least! I was fine! But you had to drag me to the medic!"

"What was I supposed to do? Leave you laying face down in the loading bay?!"

"Y--Yes!!" Adora shouted. "Whatever! I don't know why I asked you in here..."

"Okay, but how much worse would it look if some random trooper or Shadow Weaver found you just passed out and bleeding from the nose?! How bad would it look for me if I left my fellow Force Captain hurt and incapacitated!?" Scorpia's passion radiated through her words. 

"I have a duty to perform, Adora! And I felt like it was my duty to make sure you were given medical attention. I don't regret it!" 

Adora stared at her and blushed a little. "....okay....fine. Sorry. But, this doesn't mean I trust you , Princess!" 

Scorpia eagerly leaned into Adora and give little excited motions with her claws as she spoke. "Well, then I'll prove to you that you can trust me! I'm loyal! And I will get your back!" Scorpia smiled and went and gathered her bars. "And if you need that hug, I'm around." 

Adora nodded. Scorpia walked out, the door swooshing closed behind her. 

Adora was once again alone in her room.


	4. Chapter 4

Adora had just come out of a full day of running drills with her cadets when she was called to the Black Garnet chamber. Salineas was nearly two weeks earlier. Rarely if ever has she gone that long without speaking with Shadow Weaver. But as each day had passed she had grown more and more convinced today might be her last.

That today was the day Shadow Weaver finally realized she had made a mistake. That all this time Adora was some sort of unwitting pretender. That she was worthless. 

Adora bowed as she entered the chamber. Shadow Weaver was already turned toward the door when she entered. The sight of her waiting and staring made Adora's chest fill with a heavy dread. 

"You asked to speak with me, Shadow Weaver?"

"Yes. I have a mission for you."

"A mission? What is it you require?"

"Your redemption, my dear." Shadow Weaver reached over to her desk and handed Adora a dossier. "The Princesses are having their prom and it will be a perfect opportunity for us to strike their fledgling alliance. Simply do what you failed to do last time. Kill that creature and return with her sword. Scorpia will be your entrance to the party. She was invited as per tradition. You are to be her guest."

"Her guest..." Adora mumbled as she looked down at the folder in front of her. "Uh-oh--I'll probably need different clothes..."

"Study your mission folder. Be clean. Be precise. And kill her." 

Adora nodded. "Understood."

As Adora turned to walk away, Octavia burst into the chamber. 

"Shadow Weaver! Where's Hordak?!"

"Force Captain, Octavia. What a pleasant surprise. What can I do for you?"

Octavia saw Adora next to her and she seemed surprised for a moment before giving her a quick scowl. 

"Where is Hordak?! No one has heard from him in months!" 

Adora's hand pulsed and ached as the name Hordak hit her ears for the first time in so long. 

"Force Captain, I'm sure you're aware of Hordak's....Propensity for self isolation. He's probably locked himself away in his sanctum tinkering with some thing or another. "

"Bullshit!" Octavia growled. "I think maybe you and your pet here know more than you're sayin'!"

Pet? Is this what the others thought of Adora? Shadow Weaver's pet? Her attack dog? Is that what she was?

"I don't like what you're implying, Force Captain. Are you suggesting I harmed Lord Hordak?"

"What if I am?" Octavia's tentacles began to tense and spread out on her back, ready if a strike came. 

"Then I suggest you back it up with evidence, Force Captain."

"You may be running things right now, but believe me there are plenty of us still loyal to Lord Hordak. Lots of us. And if we find out you're lying and you hurt him or... we will have the last word."

Octavia turned to Adora for a moment and looked her in the eye. Adora shivered a little and turned away. 

Octavia scoffed and walked out of the chamber. The doors closed behind her.

Adora turned back to face Shadow Weaver. After a moment she found the energy to quietly ask. "What do we do now?"

Shadow Weaver quickly made her way to Adora. She clutched Adora by the arm, tightly. The force hurt Adora's arm. "We do nothing! She's right. There are a lot of people loyal to Hordak left. Too many. I'll figure something out. You do your job. Complete your mission."

Adora began to weep. "But what happens if they make a move on you while I'm in the Kingdom of Snows?...What if they hurt you?"

"Oh Adora....So thoughtful. Never mind me. I can handle myself. Besides if you take care of your mission we won't have to worry about those trouble makers much longer."

Shadow Weaver wiped the tear from Adora's cheek. Adora nodded and hustled out of the chamber.

* * * * * 

Adora tapped at the door quietly and then straightened her coat. She held her dossier under one of her arms as she firmed up into her professional posture. 

The door slid open revealing Scorpia. "Hello there, Adora!"

"Force Captain, Scorpia! Thank you for making time to discuss our plan in detail before we ship out."

"Of course! Come on in! I made some tea!" 

Adora nodded and looked at her feet as she walked into Scorpia's room. Adora noticed the framed picture sitting on her table next to a soft , tattered, fabric scorpion doll. 

"Feel free to use the bed to spread out your papers or whatever! Let me get you that tea!" Scorpia, said, rapidly moving to her simple electric kettle in the corner of the room. 

Adora opened her folder and began looking over the information she's already looked over a dozen plus times in the last two days. Adora also brought out a pile of her own notes and battle plan sketches. 

"Okay...Well...the plan is pretty simple. The rules of the 'prom' declare that space neutral ground and as your guest I will be permitted entry with you. While we pretend to 'mingle' cadets Kyle and Lonnie will enter disguised as the guards, infiltrate the weapons store and grab the sword...While you distract/incapacitate the She Ra vessel's comrades I.... eliminate the vessel...."

Scorpia hums a little tune as she finishes adding cream to the teas. "Gotcha."

"Really!? Were you even listening to me?!" Adora spat!"

"Of course! It's a good ole fashion diversion and smash! I usually am the smash. But, I'm no slouch at diversion. " Scorpia gave a little awkward smile as she slowly, and carefully carried the small cup of tea to Adora. 

Adora grabbed the tea and cautiously sipped it. "...Fine...Uh...for this to work we need to uh dress, fancy I guess?"

"Oh right! I got an few outfits! I got this cute black thing I rummaged from a town in the Eastern coast! What about you?!" Scorpia set her tea down on her table and clasped her claws together excitedly. 

Adora blushed. "I don't know....I haven't worn my dress uniform yet...is it okay to wear that?"

"You can wear whatever you want, Adora." Scorpia said with a level of sincerity that made Adora feel slightly uncomfortable. 

"Okay...I'll wear that...." Adora said sorta to herself but loud enough for Scorpia to hear. 

"Oh! Did you want some make up? I got my hands on some blush! A few lipsticks! I had to trade a few ration bars for them but it's worth it! Oh I also have eye shadows! Did you want some eye shadow?"

Adora instinctively reached up to her eye and looked at herself in Scorpia's mirror. "I...don't think so..."

Scorpia became aware of how obviously self conscious Adora was and felt a drop in her stomach. "Oh! I'm sorry! I should be more sensitive!"

"No...it's okay...I'm okay." Adora lied. 

"Okay.." Scorpia said, leaning back and sitting on her desk gently. Adora took a sharp breath and turned back to her battle plan.

"Uh-- The prom prevents weapons, but we should be able to hide some explosives as jewelry and set them off as a uh--a final distraction and signal to Lonnie and Kyle to head to the extraction point. I was--thinking if the princesses--"

Adora looked up and noticed that Scorpia was looking at her. Her smile was so big and bright. Why did it make Adora's chest ache? Adora was frozen looking at Scorpia looking at her. Suddenly Scorpia's expression shifted. She looked so concerned.

"Adora?"

"Yeah?" 

"You're crying."

"Wha--" Adora quickly ran the back of her hand against her cheek and brushed away a stream of tears. Adora turned away and began gathering up her notes. "I'm sorry. I need to leave..."

"Oh! But we barely started and--Is this because of the eye shadow thing?" Scorpia leapt to her feet, but was careful not to crowd Adora as she fussed. 

"No." Adora pushed paper haphazardly back into the folder and stood. 

"I didn't mean anything by it! I don't know if it's a recent thing but I promise I can relate! I mean I got these babies!" Scorpia held up her claws and snapped them gently for emphasis. "Oh geez the ribbings I've gotten over these things!...The tail gets a lot less attention...hmm.."

Adora just stared up at Scorpia for a moment, searching for words. Trying desperately to know what to feel right now. "Yes it's recent. And I don't like thinking about it....."

"I totally get ya! I get ya!" Scorpia said running her claw gently along her arm. 

Adora took a moment and looked at Scorpia and then back down to her frantically stuffed folder. Then a nervous thought popped into Adora's head. 

"Um--So I was thinking the traditional slow dance part of the night is our prime chance to strike. It will be loud, the most people will be in one spot, providing cover and giving me opportunity to be close to the target. So clearly the end of the dance will be your cue to set off the bombs.."

"Right!" Scorpia nodded, a little thrown by Adora's sudden turn back to strategy. 

"The Princesses will scatter and it will give us opportunity to blend in the chaos and make off with the sword..."

"Gotcha!"

"...I do uh have a concern. Um--it requires me to dance and I don't know how to and I tried practicing the steps in my room but I couldn't do it--uh alone so--"

"Oh!" Scorpia exclaimed. "Did you need me to help you practice?!"

Adora nodded shyly and looked down. 

"Don't worry! I've danced once or twice!" Scorpia smiled and held out her claws. Adora gently placed her palms against them. They slowly made their way through the steps. A twirl here, a spin here. 

"And three- and-four-and one and-two" Adora anxiously kept count to herself. Scorpia chuckled a little as she listened and moved with a grace Adora hadn't expected. Scorpia was a skilled fighter. She, as far as Adora could tell, made the rank of Force Captain because no one could beat her in one on one combat. Not in training. Not in the field. Not anywhere.

They took a moment to look back over the steps since Adora lost count. "Okay. This next bit is like an elevated spin. Uh since I'm the partner twirling in then you'll be the one to lift me...oh dear. I'm a big gal....so uh--Let's do the abbreviated step where it's a simple--" Scorpia said looking down at the steps Adora had sketched out among her wild notes. 

"No. I have it." Adora said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. One and two and three and..." Suddenly Adora spun Scorpia around, and then with seeming ease lifted Scorpia up off her feet and into the air. She hung there for a moment, before Adora set her back down. 

"Wow! I can't remember the last time someone could lift me!!" Scorpia said excitedly. "Adora you're amazing!!" 

"It--it was nothing. Than--thank you for practicing with me. I--" Adora's face blushed bright red. "I--I think that's all for today. We ship out for the Kingdom of Snows in the morning. Get your rest."

Adora grabbed all of her lose papers and shoved them into her folder and tucked it under her arm. She gave Scorpia a small, embarrassed nod before rushing out the door.


	5. Chapter 5

The Horde aircraft sat in a small clearing down the mountain from the ice palace of the Kingdom of Snows. Adora was pacing around the ship, frantically re-reading her plans and notes and reiterating important points with Lonnie and Kyle. 

The cadets had already slipped on their parkas and gloves. Their disguises to infiltrate the castle staff. Adora was in her pressed, black dress uniform. She had her hair pulled back tight. She had started wearing her hair loose but slicked back over the last couple weeks but today she couldn't risk the hair getting in her face. 

Adora, for the dozenth time, looked into the small mirror pinned to the inside of the back cargo area of the ship. She fiddled with the line of polished buttoned on the breast of her coat. She adjusted her belt and fussed with the underside of the bracers on her wrists. Everything had to be perfect. 

Adora turned, took a deep breath and headed out to talk to Lonnie and Kyle again when Scorpia slipped out from behind a box. She had been 'getting gussied up' for about an hour now. Suddenly seeing Scorpia made Adora freeze and her heart flutter. 

"You're beautiful..." Adora let slip out before she caught herself just staring. 

Scorpia was blushing as she strode closer. She turned around and gestured over her shoulder. "Could you zip me up? It's hard with the--"

Adora just looked at the pull and twist of Scorpia's back muscles as she motioned with her claws. "Right. Right." Adora awkwardly nodded and placed her hand on Scorpia's rippling back as she fumbled with the zipper. Adora pulled gently and zipped the dress tight. Adora watched the way Scorpia moved....it made her feel nice for whatever reason...

"There." Adora said, her face flushed and red. She turned back to the cadets. Her voice cracked as she shouted out the back of the cargo hold. "Cadets!" Lonnie and Kyle stopped their obviously contentious conversation and turned to face Adora. "You know your mission and your cues! Don't hesitate! Don't fail! Head out!" 

With that Lonnie and Kyle slipped on their masks and pulled up the hoods of their parkas and began the hike to the palace to blend in with the rest of the arriving staff. Adora turned back to see Scorpia fixing her hair and running her claws through her soft white hair. 

"Uh...okay-- So should we go over everything again?"

Scorpia turned around quickly looked at Adora for a moment and smiled. "Right." Scorpia sat on a box and looked at Adora intently. 

"Um--So....I was thinking the--uh" Adora flipped through her notes again trying to find where in the plan she wanted to talk about but her own hand writing looked like nonsense in this moment. "Sorry...I--Um...I'm a little lost in my notes..."

"You're nervous?"

"No! Never! I'm sharp and prepared!"

"You seem a little nervous, Adora." Scorpia said, still smiling pleasantly. 

"...a little..I've never done anything like this. I mean I am prepared to do anything for my mission but still--it's dancing and it's fancy and there are people there....uh--"

"I get it! It can be a little overwhelming! I mean I'm nervous!" Scorpia said, her cheeks red. 

"You are?"

"Sure! Its a lot! All you can do is take a few breaths, steady yourself and just do it..." 

"Right..." Adora sat down on another box across from Scorpia. She laid her arms in her lap and nervously squeezed her hands together. "....okay so this may be silly but I'm kind of scared of how many princesses will be there? I mean I've faced them in the field before but only one or two at a time--but now I'm walking into a whole den of them! I mean shouldn't I have had some sort of inoculation or something?! In case I dunno---it's contagious or something...?"

Scorpia chuckled a little but never lost the kind look in her eyes. "Well I dunno....I mean you've been around me, and haven't caught anything, right?"

Adora took a moment and considered what Scorpia said and finally admitted. "I guess not..." 

"See nothing to worry about! " Scorpia stood up and gave Adora a bright smile as she reached out her claw. 

Adora looked at for a moment before shaking it firmly. 

They began the slow wait for their cue as sun began to set over the snow capped mountain. 

* * * * * *

The palace of the Kingdom of Snows was bright and loud as Adora and Scorpia approached arm in arm. Adora handed her dagger to the man behind counter at the makeshift arms store. Another guard quickly made their way to the door and opened it wide for them. 

As they stepped into the huge ball room Adora's chest tightened. So much attention at once. And she could feel a familiar set of eyes on her. She didn't know where she was but she could feel them. 

The others in attendance muttered to themselves and gave Adora strange looks. She was used to those. 

Scorpia led Adora toward the throne of the Queen of Snows, Frosta. They both gave a formal bow and greeting. Frosta simply nodded. "By the tradition of this ball I kindly welcome you--"

Suddenly Catra and a sparkly, pink haired princess ran up to the throne. "Revered Hostess! You can't let them be here! They're from the Horde!" Catra shouted. She was wearing a deep red silky dress with a small cut made for her tail. 

Adora spoke up before Scorpia could interject. "Revered Hostess I assure you I take the laws of this prom very seriously. " She hoped her words sounded firm enough for the Queen. 

Catra huffed and said "That's a lie! You don't care about the rules! It's obvious you're--"

"I always care about the rules!" Adora yelled turning her eye to Catra. 

"Enough!" Frosta looked down on all four of them and closed her eyes for a moment. "The tradition of this ball decrees that this ball is neutral ground. Princess Scorpia has been invited and gets one plus one. They stay. End of discussion."

"But your Majesty!--" Catra tried to plead.

"End of discussion. Princess, Catra, do not make me repeat myself again. Please continue enjoying the ball."

Catra huffed and hurried down the steps and back out onto the dance floor, her shimmery princess friend in tow. 

Adora, still arm in arm with Scorpia, made her way down behind them. She felt some small bit of satisfaction of the first phase of her plan being complete and soon she was onto phase two. The divide and distraction. 

Suddenly the pink haired one turned around. "Look! I don't know what you two are planning but I promise you, we'll make sure it'll fail!"

"We have nothing planned, Princess, we wanted to show a neutral power that they have nothing to fear from The Horde." Adora said, slyly smiling.

Catra turned on her heel and leaned up to Adora for a moment. Her ears dropped as she studied Adora. "You're lying. I know it. You're terrible at it."

Adora sucked in a deep ragged breath. "No..no--I'm not..." Adora spat, folding in on herself and giving herself clearly away. 

"Hmm." Catra leaned back and turned to her friend. "Glimmer, keep an eye on the big gal for me while I talk to Adora."

Glimmer, that was her name. Right. Adora had heard the name in briefings and read it in files but to have a face to go with the name was weird. Also suddenly it hit her. The surreality of how easily Catra allowed herself to be called a princess. To easily befriend a princess.

Adora looked up at Scorpia a moment before Catra tugged on her arm. Scorpia gave a little coy wink before turning her attention on the rebel commander in front of her. 

"Wait....I'm not going anywhere with you!" Adora contested. 

"Come on! It'll be two minutes! I'm not trying to do anything!"

Adora let her arm peel away from Scorpia and she turned and followed Catra to a couch on the second floor. As they walked, adora clasped her hands together and squeezed. She was here. In a room full of enemy combatants. Unstable, wild, power hungry monsters having a night out.

And her former friend is now among them. Corrupted. A princess. 

As Catra sat on the couch, careful of her dress, Adora stood, her eye closed. 

"So....uh--"

"I don't know if it's She-ra or that pink princess down there that's been controlling you, Catra but I want it to stop. This is the last time I'll ask..."

"What are you talking about, Adora?..." 

Adora let herself open her eye and look at Catra. She regretted it immediately. "I can't understand how someone like Catra could let herself become a....a princess...Chose to be one. Please tell me it's mind control or some evil curse or something!!"

Catra stared up at her. "Oh my god---you believed all of that didn't you? All that time in that place and you still think they're the one's who are right. "

"Of course they're right! ...They have to be!!" Adora shouted. 

The few party-goers in that corner begin to give the two a little room and flock away from the clearly brewing domestic spat. 

"Just because I'm not doing whatever it is you think I should be doing doesn't mean what I'm doing is wrong, Adora! Look at yourself! You look like a mess! I--I'm scared for you...."

"...Are you pitting me?...."

"No. I'm worried. Look the rebellion can help!"

"Oh! So I can be brainwashed like you!?" Adora turned away. "Unlike you I have dedication, Catra. I have integrity. I don't leave a job unfinished."

Catra shuffled in her seat and clearly was frustrated. She dropped her head into her hands and growled softly. "But your job is to do unrepentant evil!"

Adora turned around looked down at Catra. "Evil? What about the princesses! Spreading curses and creating panic and chaos?! All they do is spread rebellion! "

"You never listened to me..." Catra said somberly. "Look...I already made an ass out of myself in front of Frosta twice tonight so let's just table this. I don't want to get me and Glimmer thrown out because I got in a fight with you, Adora. You can try your stupid Horde plan or whatever but I'm going to be watching you all night." Catra leaned back and smiled at Adora.

Adora felt her face getting hot as she stood up straight and turned away. "Fine, Princess....You want to chaperone me so be it. I'm not going to stop you..." 

"Really?!" Catra stood up and stared at her for a moment, her ears twitching. Adora liked looking at her ears twitching. Somehow she had forgotten that. "Okay! Let's get you some food! You look like skin and bones!"

Catra waved her hand delicately as she lead Adora to a small buffet set up on the landing. Cautiously Adora nibbled at a small finger sandwich and then thought better of it. 

She looked as Catra put a few things on a plate and handed it to Adora. 

"What's this?" 

"Uh--I was just grabbing stuff for you to eat?"

"Why? What's in them?"

"I don't know. Meat and stuff...? Maybe we could ask a someone--"

"No....Are you trying to poison me?"

Catra just stared in disbelief at Adora for a moment and then sighed. "Yes Adora. My dastardly plan! Just grab some choice poisoned cocktail weenies from the big pile of poisoned cocktail weenies....geez...Adora. Can't you just let yourself enjoy a thing?"

Adora folded her arms. "I don't have time to enjoy things Catra! I actually work hard. "

"I work damn hard, Adora..." Catra said quietly. "...I thought you saw that..." 

Suddenly the band stopped playing. That was her cue. It was time for the dance. Adora let out a soft sigh and just began walking toward the stairs. 

"Hey wait!" Catra called after her. 

Frosta's voice cut through the low ramble of the crowd. "Everyone may I have your attention! It is my great honor to say it is now time for the first dance!"

Adora knew Catra was right behind her as she stepped onto the dance floor. Suddenly the music kicked in and Adora held up her hand. Catra blushed and looking for other partners for a moment quickly placed her palm to Adora's.

They slowly swirled and dipped. As they followed the steps Adora saw one of the bombs Scorpia smuggled clinging to a pillar. She had succeeded in her part. Suddenly a nauseous feeling twisted in Adora's stomach.

Adora suddenly had a new partner swung into her arms. It was the rebel commander. 

"You....Your friend is surprisingly fast...."

"Caught you on your toes huh?"

"Most definitely. " Adora lifted her up and spun her and then placed her back down. "Word of warning, Horde scum, if you hurt Catra I will kill you."

Adora suddenly was twirling some flower girl for a moment. She was counting aloud the whole time, running through the steps. It was almost her turn. Her part. 

Phase three. The termination. 

Catra spun back into Adora's arms. Catra spun out in preparation to turn back in for a dip. Adora felt her hand ache as she reached to the bracer on her left forearm. She quickly pulled a small blade from under it. Catra turned.

Adora's vision got blurred on the edges as she dug the blade into Catra's stomach. She pushed and twisted as Catra's body tensed and flopped in Adora's arms. 

Catra feebly tired to fight off Adora as she held her there for a moment and with a quick motion pulled the blade out. 

Suddenly there was a huge explosion and the palace shook.


	6. Chapter 6

The snow crunched under Adora's feet as she ran with Scorpia down the mountain toward their waiting craft. Blood dripped from Adora's hand and clung to her clothes. Catra's blood. 

The image of Catra clutching at her wound. The panic in her eyes. It was already replaying in Adora's mind. 

Scorpia clung to the sword with her claw. The metal clanked as they tumbled over snow covered logs and pushed away limbs and brush. They reached edge of the clearing to find Lonnie and Kyle huffing and pulling off their masks. 

"Get into the aircraft! Get it started!" Adora shouted. Lonnie quickly grabbed Kyle by the arm and dragged him onto the craft. 

"STOP!" a sharp shrill voice barked out behind them. 

Adora and Scorpia turned around to find the sparkly pink princess standing behind them. She had blood blotched on her fancy purple gown. 

With a flash she was clung to Scorpia's claw and pulled the sword from her grasp. And in a blink she was standing in front of them both ready to fight.

Adora felt a sudden dread build in her gut. "GET ON THE AIRCRAFT AND GET READY TO GET OUT OF HERE!" Adora shouted to Scorpia, as the sound of the Horde craft's engines roaring to life filled the dark, cold night. 

"WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?!"

"I'M GETTING THAT SWORD!" 

Adora stared at Scorpia for a moment and then rushed Glimmer. Scorpia quickly, following orders, climbs into the vehicle. 

Adora leaned back for a punch as she ran and found only air and sparkles. Then she realizes Glimmer is behind her. She swings back with her arm and misses again. 

Suddenly Glimmer's fist finds Adora's face. She felt a pop in her cheek as she swung her elbow and connected with Glimmer's ribs. Then Glimmer grabbed hold of Adora's sleeve and in a bright flash they both were back up at the top of the mountain. No a different mountain. 

The wind whipped as they stared at each other. Glimmer's hands clutched the handle of the sword. 

"Where'd you take us?!" Adora screamed. Princess magic.....She had no idea what the side effects were. She could have been infected with some weird rebel plague...She shook the thought for the moment and instead lunged for the sword. 

"I'm not letting you escape! Not after what you've done to Catra!" Glimmer screamed as she disappeared in a burst of bright pink. 

"...She was dead the moment she chose you over me...Over the Horde..." Adora said, surveying the area to see if Glimmer was still there. She could just leave her here but princess arrogance is a powerful thing so she knew Glimmer would probably make sure she was the one to kill her. 

As adora turned her head to scour the branches of the trees near her, a flash hit her. The concussive blast sent Adora tumbling back and against the trunk of a tree. She felt her back stiffen as she slumped to the ground. 

Glimmer, now without the sword, was standing in front of her. 

"Give--give me the sword..." Adora said weakly. 

"I don't think you're in the position to demand things of me, Horde scum." Glimmer spat. "If she's dead I promise you, I will make sure you are too..." 

Adora grunted and climbed to her feet and tackled Glimmer to the ground. As they tumbled they hit jagged rock under heavy snow. 

"I'm going to win, Princess! You can't stop me!" Adora swung down hard with her fist as she was about to hit Glimmer, she was gone. Adora's hand hit solid rock. The ground rumbled and shook from the force. 

"You can punch through stone?!" Glimmer shouted, confounded. 

Adora looked at her hand as she pulled it out of shattered rock. Her own blood leaked from the small scrapes on her knuckles, adding to the layer of Catra's blood. 

She flexed and constricted her hand a few times. It ached but nothing was broken. Then, quickly, Adora was making another charge for Glimmer. 

"Come back here!" Adora screamed. A whirl of nervous excitement filled Adora's body as she swung wildly at a teleporting Glimmer. Adora aimed for Glimmer's head but she was suddenly gone and instead hit a huge tree. The trunk splintered and split from the force. 

Glimmer suddenly appeared above her and plopped onto Adora's shoulders. Glimmer's arms wrapped around Adora's neck and began to apply pressure. Adora reached up and grabbed at Glimmer's hair, matting it with blood. 

"GET OFF OF ME!!!" Adora bellowed. 

"No! Not until you're dead!" Glimmer screamed. Adora twisted and turned and tried to shake Glimmer off. She stumbled backward and smashed Glimmer's back against a boulder. 

Glimmer gasped and let out a sharp yelp of pain. But her grip was still firm. What was this girl?

Adora dropped down to the ground, back first and crushed her weight into Glimmer. The two tussled and wrestled for position. Glimmer grabbed Adora and bit her on the hand. 

"Ow!" Adora gasped. 

"What?! You can punch a hole in a tree but you can't take a little bitey bite?" Glimmer taunted. 

Adora was smiling. Was she enjoying....the fight? Why is fighting this girl so fun? "Okay Princess, you want to play dirty, fine..." Adora pulled a blade out of her left bracer and began to take wild swings at Glimmer. 

"Bringing a knife to a magic fight, huh?" Glimmer, smiled, still with fury in her eyes. 

Adora went for another strike when, Glimmer blocked her strike and kicked her in the stomach. Adora reeled. Is she this tired already? What was the point of all those workouts? Why is she always so exhausted?

Just then a blast came from the sky. The Horde ship was hovering above and firing down at Glimmer. She teleported away as Adora looked up at the bright lights of underside of the Horde craft. 

Slowly the craft hovered lower, until it was close enough for Adora to climb on. Scorpia's claw hung out of the back of the open cargo hatch. Adora grabbed it and pulled herself up and then they were gone. Heading back to the fright zone.

* * * * * *

Adora sat on a box in the cargo hold. She had been staring at her hands since she and the others had escaped Kingdom of Snows territory. Scorpia was diligently wiping the blood from Adora's face. 

"You're a mess..." Scorpia said, fussing with a particularly dirty part on Adora's forehead. Strands of Adora's hair flopped in front of her eye patch as she just kept looking at the drying blood on her hands. 

Scorpia tried to start cleaning them first but Adora refused. She had to look at them. Know it was real. She has her blood on her. 

Her eyes had pleaded to know why, but instead Adora dropped the knife and ran. 

She failed to get the sword. That thought keep running through her head. She had let Shadow Weaver down....again....

"Scorpia?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you for pulling me out..."

"Of course!" Scorpia gave a warm smile as she moved Adora's hair out of her face. "It's okay..."

"What is?"

"Don't blame yourself, okay?"

Adora looked down and huffed. "I'm not..."

"Yes you are. I can tell. It's okay. War can be unpredictable. But what's important is you're alive to fight again!" 

"...If I'm lucky..." Adora pushed Scorpia away. "I have to report in to Shadow Weaver..."

Scorpia paused a moment and let out a soft soft sigh. "Of course." She slowly made her way to the front of the craft and into the cockpit. 

Adora reached for the com-badge on her Lapel...It was coated in browning blood. Adora quickly pulled the badge off and began pawing at it, scraping at the mess. Trying to get it clean. How could she call Shadow Weaver through this?!

This mess?!

Adora clawed at her face, dropped her badge and fell to her knees. She crawled behind a box to hide herself from the cockpit door. She couldn't let Scorpia--anyone see her like this. 

This mess...


	7. Chapter 7

The Horde aircraft slowly hovered and landed in the docking bay as dawn broke in the Fright Zone. Adora took a deep breath and stood. Shadow Weaver said to expect to meet her when they landed. 

Adora turned to the others in the cockpit. "I expect a report to me by the end of the day. Every moment you can remember from mission start to extraction. Understood?"

Lonnie and Kyle gave a nod and a salute. 

"Dismissed."

Scorpia stood. "Let's get you to the medic, eh, Sunshine?"

"I told you not to call me that...." Adora huffed as she turned and headed back toward the cargo hold exit. "Besides I don't need to go to the medic. I'm fine."

"Are you sure? I'm pretty sure you have a broken bone in your face..."

"...Yes I'm sure....Besides Shadow Weaver is expecting me."

"Oh, okay....Adora?"

Adora turned around and looked up at Scorpia. 

"Be careful?" Scorpia said, holding her claws together pensively. 

Adora stared at her a moment and nodded. Adora opened the hatch and climbed out the back area of the craft. The golden rays cresting the ridge of the Fright Zone shone behind a familiar dark figure. 

Adora steadied herself the best she could and made her way to meet her. 

"Hello Force Captain, Adora."

Adora gave a small bow. "Shadow Weaver. I am at your service. I assume this has to do with our mission...uh--failure. I--"

"Adora follow me..."

Adora looked up and straightened her posture. Her back hurt. "Of course."

Shadow Weaver made her way through the halls of the administrative building. Underlings swerved and weaved avoiding getting in Shadow Weaver's way. 

As they turned through the hall they found themselves in front of the enormous doors of Hordak's sanctum.

Adora looked around in a panicked check for peering eyes. The halls here were quiet and empty. 

"Shadow Weaver...why are we here?" Adora finally whispered. 

"Silence, child."

Adora dropped her eye to the ground as Shadow Weaver opened the door. They both strode in.....it was clean. The throne shined under the pale green lighting. Adora ran her hand along the glass of the now empty clone tanks...

"...It's not smashed up anymore..." Adora said. The doors clamping closed behind them. 

"Of course, you fool...." Shadow Weaver spat. "While you threw your little fit, I cleaned up your mess...."

"Mess..." Adora clutched her hand with her other for a moment and felt it ache so intensely. 

"But I'm still cleaning up the mess...Since the others are growing suspicious I thought I should take it upon myself to give us time." 

Shadow Weaver's arms shot up and made motions with her arms as black-red shadows filled the room. Adora covered her face instinctively, but she soon realized it wasn't directed at her. 

Suddenly the shadows coalesced into one shape. The shape of Hordak. 

"Hordak?..." Adora gasped. 

"No. Merely a shadow clone of him. A puppet who we simply trot out to fool the Hordak loyalists until.....they're...dealt with..." Shadow Weaver's self satisfaction oozed from her voice. "I will use this clone to send out messages, give the illusion that Hordak is still alive and give us time to establish me as the true ruler of the Horde."

Adora studied the clone. It was his face....A face that had been in Adora's nightmares since she was a child...a face who's dying eyes were now always swimming in the back of her mind some place. 

"...Good..." Adora said, feeling expected to say something. 

"Good?! This is incredible! Think of it Adora! Me, where I belong, and you, where you belong." Shadow Weaver leaned down and ran her hand along Adora's bruised cheek. "My right hand."

Adora closed her eye and leaned into Shadow Weaver's gentle show of affection. "Of course....That's all I ever wanted...But I keep failing you...." Adora let slip. 

"Oh, my dear Adora! Of course you have....Though it can't be helped....My precious little brute."

"Brute?...."

"Oh yes. You've always been such a brute. You work diligently but deep down you're just wild violence."

"No...I mean...." The feeling of pushing the blade into Catra's stomach rose in Adora. "I'm not a brute..."

"Oh adora....fight it all you'd like. I can't stop you. But I see what's really in you, Adora. The things that make me love you. "

Shadow Weaver stood back up straight and snapped the clone Hordak away. "Go back to your quarters. Tomorrow you return to normal duties until told otherwise."

"But I couldn't confirm the kill..."

"Then next time make sure no one could survive..." Shadow Weaver coldly answered as she opened the door and lead them both back out into the empty hall.

* * * * * 

That night, like most nights, Adora couldn't sleep. She slipped on her eye patch and boots and went to run. She quietly opened the door to the exercise room. She had hoped to find the room empty....but no....Octavia was there....

She was doing reps on a bench press in the center of the room. Adora took a deep breath, decided to ignore her and began to jog. 

Octavia didn't seem to notice Adora. At first. As Adora finished her fifteenth lap she slowly made her way toward the dumbbells. That's when Octavia sat up and turned her focus on Adora.

"Hey there! Blondie!"

"Hello, Force Captain Octavia. " Adora quickly responded. She just wanted to pretend everything was normal. That everything was fine. 

"Word is, you lead an attack on a whole group of princesses!"

Adora blushed a little. "Yeah well. It was a--Yes."

"Wow! Amazing!"

"Thank you, Force Captain Octavia...." A small smile crept onto Adora's face. "It is an honor to be recognized..."

"I gotta ask though. Was your little mongrel girlfriend there? With the princesses?"

Adora froze. Her smile gone. 

"I heard the rumor she joined them. All this talk about this big yellow cat woman smashing up our outposts had to be more than I coincidence, huh?" 

"I told you not to mention her again...." 

Octavia grinned and shook her head. "Look at you...Shadow Weaver's little pet is getting mad! Lotsa bark you got, Blondie!"

Adora stood staring at the stout octopus woman. Octavia gave a little wave to the door. "Why don't you get out of here before you really get hurt..." She leaned back to take more bench press reps. 

Adora stood still for a moment. Her hand hung on the rack of dumbbells. She felt the unpolished metal scrape her knuckles for a moment before she grabbed a thirty five pound one. 

She slid it off the rack and quickly made her way to Octavia and lifted the bell up over her head. Octavia's eye widened as it quickly fell. 

Adora swung it back and down again. And again. And again. Octavia's tentacles writhed as her arms tried to block the strikes. Adora growled with each strike."WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY BARK?!"

At some point Adora dropped the dumbbell and had begun hitting Octavia with her fists. She felt bones pop and heard bones crack. Blood on her knuckles was something Adora has become accustomed to. 

Again and again, Adora's strikes rained down. Slowly Octavia stopped struggling and instead was just shielding herself the best she could. As Octavia wheezed past her own blood, Adora slowly slid off of Octavia and stood over her a moment. 

Adora spat on the ground and walked out of the room.


	8. Chapter 8

Adora crawled out of her cot. Her clothes stuck to the sheet and she still had her boots on. She suddenly remembered what she had done that night and pulled at herself. Octavia's blood was drying on her. 

"No. no. no." Adora repeated to herself as she quickly stripped off her clothes and scrubbed at her face and hands at the sink. She picked between her nails and pulled out pieces of gore. 

Adora, in her undergarments, looked at her pile of blood soaked clothes and balled them up and threw them into a closet next to her, still bloody, dress uniform. Adora ran her hand along it for a moment. 

Her....her blood. She was back clinging to Adora.....a piece of her was home. 

Her training sessions with the cadets were soon. Adora had to focus. Had to forget. At least for a few hours. She had gotten good at compartmentalizing things. She had to keep a schedule. 

She slipped on her last clean uniform and sat down to polish her boots. 

* * * * *

"Adora!!!" Scorpia's claw waved above a group of cadets. Adora flopped the folders she had been looking through closed and pushed them under her arm. 

"Hello, Scorpia." Adora quietly greeted as she saw Scorpia push her way through the small crowd in the hall outside of training facilities. 

"Just runnin' some drills with the newbies!" Scorpia smiled as she looked down at Adora. 

"Ah....um--Scorpia did you want to come with me to get some rations?...."

Scorpia paused a moment and then nodded her head excitedly. 

A few moments later, Scorpia was opening the door to her quarters. Adora hadn't wanted to sit and eat around all those people and she knew she couldn't have Scorpia in her room.... not after last night.....

"You can sit anywhere! I can make us some tea!"

"That'd be nice....thank you...." Adora said, gently sitting on the edge of Scorpia's cot. Scorpia pulled out her little kettle and delicately filled it with water from her sink and put it on the electric heating component. 

Adora awkwardly fiddled with the wrapping on her ration bar for moment while Scorpia was digging out her tea cups.

"Scorpia?"

"Hmm?" Scorpia popped up from behind her cupboard door. 

Adora looked down at her hands as she spoke. "Do you think I'm a brute?"

"A brute?...." Scorpia closed the cupboard gently, two cups in claw. 

"Yeah....Shadow Weaver said I was a brute...I'm scared she may be right..."

Scorpia set the teacups gently on her desk next to the heating kettle. She sat slowly and thought for a moment. "I don't know Adora....I don't think that sounds like you..."

"I've....done things Scorpia...." Adora mumbled.

"Adora you can't judge yourself for the things you do in the battlefield...I know that stuff with--the princess on that last mission. I know she--"

"...No...Not just on the battlefield." Adora sighed. "Nevermind...."

"Why do you care so much about what she says about you? Adora you act like Shadow Weaver's more than your commanding officer..."

"Yeah...well that's because she basically raised me. For whatever reason she chose to look after me, herself. Something she saw in me...a brute...I guess" Adora was crying as she pulled the foil back on her ration. 

The kettle whistled and Scorpia turned her attention to fixing the tea as she spoke. "...Adora I know last time you didn't wanna talk about it...but did one of those non battlefield things make you lose your eye?"

Adora tugged at the straps of her eye patch a little and then let her hand sink. Adora thought for a moment. Could she trust Scorpia now? Had she already been trusting her? Why did this princess care so much? And why was it so easy to let her?

"...kind of....My first assignment was to Thaymor. It was nice to finally see the field after...so much..."

"Wait...wasn't that the battle She Ra first showed up?"

"Yes....I was supposed to lead a squad to take the rebel fort but--she showed up instead....She wrecked our tanks and cannons with ease. She immobilized my entire unit in moments....and I just watched her. 

"I had trained my entire life to fight. To strike when the opportunity presented itself. To defend the honor of the Horde. But I just was frozen. 

"I eventually was pulled in with the others retreating back to the Fright Zone. The whole ride back people kept asking me why I hadn't done anything. Why I even bothered coming....at least that's what it felt like. It felt like everyone was looking at me....

"Shadow Weaver was very...displeased....She said I had to answer for what I did. What I failed to do..."

"She--just-- she took your eye?!"

Adora nodded. Her hands were trembling as she wiped away tears. Scorpia gently put her claw on Adora's leg. 

"Thank you for telling me...I know that must have been hard."

Adora looked up at that gentle smile and those warm eyes and just felt felt her stomach drop. 

"Whatever....can we just eat now?"

Scorpia nodded and grabbed a tea and handed it to Adora. 

"Careful it's hot!" 

* * * * *

Adora got back to her room late in the evening. She had a huge stack of paper work to get through and was sore and exhausted. She gently placed the pile of paper and folders down. She took a deep breath and then quickly unbuckled her jacket, and laid it on the chair and rolled up her sleeves. 

She pulled the balled up clothes out of her closet and laid them in the sink and turned on the water. She then grabbed her tooth brush and began scrubbing at the dried blood blotched all over the now soaking undershirt. 

She stopped the drain and let the sink fill as she dipped the pants in and scrubbed furiously at them. Over and over and over again. 

For hours she cycled between the two things. Pawing at it with her hands. Scrubbing with her toothbrush. Dipping. Soaking. Up to dry. Not good enough. Back to the soak. 

The sun was beginning to shine through her room's dim glass as Adora hung up her spare uniform. Right back next to her, still blood-soaked, dress one.


	9. Chapter 9

Adora paced the empty briefing room quickly. She was called to a meeting of Force Captains by Shadow Weaver. She assumed it was some next step in convincing the others to follow her. 

Adora leaned against a chair and let out a long breath. The ache in her chest was growing the closer it came to face the others. All she could think about was having to see Octavia again....assuming she was still alive. 

Oh god....she didn't know if she was more concerned that Octavia had died or that she may have survived. The moment with the dumbbell was nearly a week ago but since then she hadn't seen or heard from Octavia. 

Suddenly the door slid open and Shadow Weaver filled the doorway. Her dark aura engulfed the room as she entered. 

"Hello, Adora." She said coldly.

Adora bowed. "Shadow Weaver, my mistress." Adora stared at her feet and clutched her jacket tightly as she felt the twisting shadows radiate off of Shadow Weaver. 

"My little brute. I need you to be calm, do you understand?"

"Of--of course, Shadow Weaver..."

"I know seeing some of our...obstacles may cause your temper to flare but contain it."

Adora looked up. "If this is about Octavia...."

Shadow Weaver ran her hand gently along Adora's cheek. Adora found herself leaning into the delicate touch. "Oh, Adora, I can't blame you for being the little beast you are...But I need to you to be more careful. You, understand?"

"....yes..."

"Good...now sit and wait."

Adora nodded and sat down at the nearest empty chair and waited for the other Force Captains stationed in the Fright Zone to arrive. 

Adora looked down at her hands and flexed them. The bruising was still clear and they ached. They always ached. 

The door opened and in walked a tall, burly, furry man. Grizzlor. He gave a deep bow to Shadow Weaver and then turned his attention to Adora as he sat on the opposite end of the table. His eyes were dark and sunken but strangely intense. 

"Good morning, Force Captain, Grizzlor." Adora said, trying her best to hide her nerves, and to be formal. 

Grizzlor looked at her a moment and simply grunted. 

Adora sunk a little. 

Suddenly Scorpia entered, a smile planted on her face. She gave Shadow Weaver her customary bow and sat next to Adora. Adora gave her a small look and then turned her attention back to her hands. 

Scorpia looked over her shoulder to a preoccupied Shadow Weaver and then back down to Adora. "Hi Adora." Scorpia said sweetly. 

"Hello, Force Captain Scorpia..." Adora couldn't help but smile a little talking to her. 

Scorpia rested her claws on the table and tapped them a little to pass the time waiting for Octavia to arrive, while Adora simply looked down. 

Finally the door opened and there stood Octavia. Her face was unrecognizable with all the swelling and bruising. She was visibly missing teeth. 

Scorpia let out a yelp of surprise and turned to Adora as if to confirm what she was seeing was real. But Adora refused to make eye contact with her. Instead she darted her eye from her hands to Octavia to Shadow Weaver. 

"I'm here...." Octavia mumbled out. She slowly plopped into the free chair directly across from Adora. Shadow Weaver moved to the head of the table and stood with her arms behind her back. 

"Force Captains I feel like there has been some confusion. Hordak's nature can be very confusing. So I need to clear some things up. Every so often Lord Hordak will seclude himself to focus on his experiments and can be very single minded.....it can be frustrating but it is part of his nature. And as his second in command it is my duty to make sure all is moving smoothly and to make decisions in his stead while he works--"

"Bullshit..." Grizzlor scoffed. 

"I assure you, I am doing Hordak's will. And following his principles."

Adora's chest hurt so badly. 

"He has finally contacted me after what felt like an eternity to tell me his work on improvements to our cannons could be revolutionary! But he's still working and requires as little interruption as possible. But I have asked him to contact you all and to give a personal check in." 

Octavia let out a quiet growl. "I'm not buying it, witch...." she said through a healing split lip. 

"Yeah....I know Hordak. This is weird even for him." Grizzlor chimed in. 

"I admit this is unusual. And if I were you I would be suspicious as well. But that is why I asked--"

Octavia stood up slowly and made her way to Shadow Weaver. Adora slid back her chair and stood. She could feel Scorpia watching her. 

"I said I'm not buying it witch. " Octavia spat, leaning into Shadow Weaver's face. "Show me Hordak is alive now!"

"...Are you in any position to demand anything, Octavia? Look at you. Look at what my little Adora did to you...."

Adora's eye widened and the air sucked out of her. Adora could feel Scorpia's growing concern and confusion. 

"Shut up! I can handle myself! And I can handle you!" Octavia grabbed Shadow Weaver by the lapel. 

"What happens if I sicced my little dog on you, Octavia? What happens then? You look in rough shape."

Adora looked up at Shadow Weaver. What is she supposed to do? Could she do this again? Adora found her hands balling into fists as her whole self felt like it was sinking. 

"Shut up! I was caught off guard!" Octavia spat. "But this isn't about that! Its about the fact that you're clearly pulling something!!"

Adora braved a look up to Scorpia who simply looked down at Adora, eyes thick with fear. Was she scared of Adora? She couldn't blame her for being afraid. Adora made her way next to Shadow Weaver. Where she was needed. 

"Get her away from me!" Octavia shouted, pointing at Adora and tightening her grip on Shadow Weaver. Shadow Weaver's hair whipped through the air of the tense silence. 

Adora quickly grabbed Octavia's arm and pulled it loose from Shadow Weaver's tunic and began to wrench it sideways. Octavia let out a pained yell and dropped to her knees as her arm rotated unnaturally. 

Octavia tried to lash out with her tentacles but they were quickly restrained by shadow magic. 

"Okay! Okay! Stop! I'll stop!!!" Octavia yelled, feeling bones snap. 

Adora let her arm go and stepped back behind Shadow Weaver. The shadows receded as Octavia clutched her arm, fell back against the wall and panted. 

"So as I assume now there will be no more complaints? " Shadow Weaver said, with an ironic sweetness only she could muster. 

Octavia gave a very animated shake of the head as she gasped through pain. 

"Grizzlor?"

"No."

"Good! Be prepared to hear from Lord Hordak. Dismissed." 

The four Force Captains gave a bow. Shadow Weaver stared at Octavia as she quickly left. 

Adora looked down at the floor as she heard Grizzlor mumble and lead a fumbling Octavia out of the room. She could still feel Scorpia next to her as her shoulders dropped. 

"Adora?....What did you do to Octavia?" Scorpia finally said. 

"You saw her. She was threatening Shadow Weaver." 

"No. Before....her face. Did you do that, Adora?"

"....yes..." 

"Why?..."

"I told you I was a brute...."

Adora slowly walked out of the room.


	10. Chapter 10

Adora staggered into her quarters and plopped quickly onto her cot and dug her hands into the sheet. She twisted the fabric and felt it strain and wear. The sound of the bones snapping echoed in her head. 

Adora bolted to her feet and pawed at the fastener on her jacket until it was loosened and she quickly pulled her jacket off and tossed it to the ground. She then began pummeling the cot with her fists. The metal frame shook and bent with each blow. 

Before Adora knew it she was a weeping mess laying, pinning her arms to the cot, and her knees on the ground. She sobbed into the wadded and disheveled bedding. Her wails felt muted against the sounds still playing in her head. 

Adora, wiping the spit and tears from her face, crawled up onto the cot and just sunk into what felt like nothingness. She just laid there staring at the wall.

She knew she had other meetings and responsibilities today. She was supposed to run a new training exercise. She was supposed to catch up on paperwork she had been neglecting to have meltdowns like this one. 

She was so tired but she couldn't stop thinking. 

* * * * * *

It just hit Adora it was getting dark. 

Suddenly, Adora took a long deep breath and shot to her feet. Reality started to smash into her. How long had she been looking at nothing? What time was it?? How had it been hours? She has duties! 

She couldn't think about it. She couldn't think about anything. She had to get away she had to move. She had to run. She stumbled out her room and headed to the exercise room. 

Adora was going much earlier than she had been. Coming in in late afternoon instead of the dead of night. The room actually had people in it. Some troopers between shifts jogging together. A few people were lifting dumbbells and chit chatting. Adora looked to the bench presses. They now were moved. Pulled away from the bench sitting in the middle, still covered in dried blood. 

Adora looked at it and felt tinge in the back of head. The sensation of clutching and shouting and destroying. 

She took a moment and then kept walking. Straight for the bench in the middle. Adora slowly pushed weight on the bar and secured it. She then stood over the bench. The red-brown mess looked like it was scrubbed at a little and then someone thought better of it.

The feeling in Adora's chest was heavy as she let out a breath and sat down on the edge of the bench. 

At that moment, Adora became very aware of the people looking at her. The whole room had slowed what they were doing and were turning to face Adora. She smiled as she leaned back and wrapped her knuckles around the bar.

Adora took a few reps as she felt people come closer. 

"Hey, you..."

Adora ignored it and kept pumping and counting her reps. 

"Hey!" Another voice shouted. "Look at us, Blondie!"

Ten. Adora pushed up again, her grin growing. Eleven. 

Then someone pushed the bar back into the rack. And held it down. Some big lizard trooper. Adora looked up at her and over to the others crowding around her. 

"You don't use that bench. Octavia's blood is on it." one of them said, a leaner looking human man said. 

"Especially you. We know you did it. Pet." Said a stouter, broad woman. 

"I'm going to use whatever one I want. " Adora spat pushing the weight back up, sending the lizard woman stumbling backwards a little and trying to maintain the control of the weight. "Must I remind you all, I'm a force captain."

"Yeah well, Octavia is my commander! And you don't just do that shit to her and come in here and sit there!" The stout human woman shouted punching down into Adora's stomach. Adora's arms wobbled and she struggled to hold onto the bar. 

The man dropped an elbow into Adora's chest and she coughed out her air and let the bar fall back to the rack, the force shaking the bench. Adora gasped for air, gulping and wheezing as she felt another blow, this time to her face. 

Adora shot up, into a sitting position and was met with another blow. She stumbled to her feet and tumbled into the human woman and knocked her down and then Adora wheeled around and swung and connected on a firm punch to the man. 

Adora's vision was blurry and sharp at once. She dove and tackled the lizard woman and drove them into another press station, toppling it over and sending the lizard woman's back into the unweighted bar.

Adora rained a few punches onto her while the stouter woman came around and landed a club to Adora's ribs. 

Air popped out of Adora's lungs as she staggered to her feet and then she just felt it. The sensation. The simple joy. She was hearing the cracking in real life. She controls them. She decides what snaps. 

And she started laughing. 

Adora took another blow to the face, feeling her jaw slip and drive her teeth into the inside of her mouth. Adora staggered, but standing, drove her head into the woman's. The impact sent the woman back and Adora started swinging wildly at the Lizard woman, who was climbing to her feet.

Adora sent down blows onto her. Hitting her snout and around the eyes as the man stumbled over and tried to hold back her arms, grabbing at her wrists. 

"COME ON!! HIT ME!! HIT ME!!" Adora shouted, her arms slipping out of the man's frantic grasps and finding their target. Adora pushed back her elbow and stuck it into the man's stomach and he crumbled to his knees as Adora sent more fists down on the lizard woman. 

"COME ON! FIGHT ME!! HIT ME!! COME ON!! COME ON!!" Adora belted through spit, mingled with blood. 

"Adora!?"

The voice sliced through the intensity for a moment. Then the reality hit Adora. She slowly straightened and turned her head to find Scorpia looking at her.


	11. Chapter 11

Adora barreled through the hall, blood dripping from her nose. Troopers and cadets visibly averted their eyes and swirved out of Adora's way as she made a b-line back to her quarters. 

"Adora! Wait!" Scorpia called, running to catch up. Adora kept her head down and walked faster. "Stop!" 

Adora wheeled around, meeting Scorpia so quickly that she had to put on the brakes, so she didn't run into Adora. She huffed and panted. 

"What do you want from me Scorpia?!" Adora shouted, tears building up in her dim blue eye. 

"Adora...what's wrong? What was happening back there?"

"I was...just disciplining subordinates for their blatant disrespect of a Force Captain!"

"Adora you were begging them to hit you..."

Adora's shoulders dropped as she struggled to hold any sort of composure. She shook as she raised her head to look Scorpia in the eyes. "Maybe I deserve it. To be pummeled on. To be beat into a mess of nothing...."

Scorpia's lip quivered a little hearing the words. "...Adora..."

"After all I've done....all I think about doing.....I deserve it, Scorpia."

Scorpia grabbed Adora's hand in her claw and began walking, dragging Adora behind her. Adora struggled against her grasp a bit but soon was just following the tall, well built frame in front of her. 

"Where are you taking me, Scorpia?"

"You're a mess, so we're getting you cleaned up." Scorpia said, evenly and mater-of-factly. 

Scorpia pushed open the door to the locker room and surveyed it. It was empty. Shift changes had come come and gone and there wouldn't be cadets there for at least a couple more hours. 

Scorpia led Adora into the room and turned on the sink. She pulled a clean-ish towel off of a pile next to a hamper and held it under the cool, running water. 

Adora cautiously sat on a bench and just looked up at Scorpia wringing the towel out and folding it gently. 

"Come here." Scorpia gestured with her claw and Adora slowly scooted closer to her. She looked up at Scorpia. Her general look of concern mixed with focus as she dabbed the wet cloth on Adora's face. 

The cold dampness stung. The friction of the cloth rubbing fresh wounds made Adora bite her lip and suck in air. 

"You don't have to do this for me, Scorpia..." Adora mumbled. 

"I know...." Scorpia dipped the towel back under the water a moment and then turned her attention back to Adora. 

"I can clean my own wounds...." 

"I don't know if you can...."

Scorpia ran the towel against Adora's nose, wiping away streaks of blood. She pulled the towel back, looking at Adora a moment, she turned to wring out the blood under the still running water. 

Adora felt this buzzing in her chest. This swirling in her gut. She was feeling an impulse. So strong and so intense. 

As Scorpia turned again, towel in hand, Adora was right there. Her sad eye. Her messy blonde hair. Her lips....So close so suddenly. 

Adora leaned in and kissed Scorpia. Her soft lips met with Adora's. The pain of a cut lip and bites on the inside of Adora's cheek were drowned out by pure ecstasy. She slid her hands along Scorpia's back and felt Scorpia kiss back gently. 

The wet towel fell out of Scorpia's claw and onto the floor with a soft squish as they both were caught in this quiet moment. 

After what felt, to Adora, like both an eternity and blink of an eye, Scorpia pulled away. Adora's eye fluttered open feeling Scorpia's lips leave her. 

"Adora...." Scorpia started, quietly. 

"I had to kiss you...." Adora said, slowly rising to her feet. She leaned down and picked the towel up off the floor and dropped it in the hamper. Adora looked back over her shoulder at Scorpia for a moment before walking out back into the hall and leaving Scorpia alone again.


	12. Chapter 12

Adora climbed out of the back of the transport truck and felt her boot crush soft sand. She surveyed the Horde outpost as the troopers who opened the back hatch for her gave a hearty salute. The high walls, made of scavenged steel, baked under the warm sun.

The edge of the Whispering Woods were visible from the guard's tower, as it butted against a rise of moss coated foothills. There was something about the Whispering Woods that made Adora feel as though anything could be waiting...and watching. 

She had to shake that sensation. She had been sent to inspect this outpost specifically by Shadow Weaver. After the strange, impuslive things Adora had been finding herself doing lately, it felt good to have a clear mission. 

Shadow Weaver had said Force Captain Vultak had been reporting in less and less. It was near subordination, but he was receptive to the Hordak clone Shadow Weaver had made. It was Adora's duty to remind Vultak that Shadow Weaver wanted what Hordak has always wanted. And failing that....Put him back in line. 

The outpost was one of several lining the border between the Whispering Woods and the Fright Zone. This one housed around two hundred troops and was surrounded by laser cannons along the wall perimeter and the edge of the foothills. A pretty traditional layout for Horde outpost. 

Adora was scanning the buildings and studying the troops coming and going as she found the administrative building's door swing open. A large man in armor strode to meet Adora. His shaggy, blue-grey wings shifted as he walked. His dull charcoal eyes cast themselves down on Adora as he placed his arm to his chest in salute. 

Adora returned the gesture and then put her arms behind her back. 'Be firm. Be commanding. Be a Force Captain.' she told herself. 

"Good afternoon, Force Captain Vultak." Adora said, hoping her stern posture lead to a sense of authority in her tone. 

"Hello, Force Captain Adora. Did your trip from the capital go well?"

"It was fine." Adora turned her head toward the main pathway through the outpost. "Would you show me around, please?" 

She could feel a sense of unease as Vultak gave a small smile. "Of course. " He gestured with his ropy arm and let Adora lead the way. 

As Adora walked, Vultak hovered over her. His large lanky figure right behind Adora's shoulder. He was almost always in her blind spot as they walked. She wasn't sure if this was a intimidation tactic or just to be petty. 

The troopers paced their patrols, briefly stopping to salute. But their actions were anxious and sloppy. They seemed nervous and put off. Were they nervous about the check in? Others seemed to be walking with their hands grasping the handle of their stun batons. 

Adora turned to face Vultak to press him about the antsy behavior of his troops when suddenly an explosion rung on the edge of the wall. The ground rumbled as dust flung up into the air and sent Adora stumbling right into Vultak. 

The troops scattered as they grabbed their weapons. 

"Not again!" Vultak barked. 

"Again?! What do you mean?!" Adora shouted. 

"We've been having Princess problems!" Vultak coughed out. 

"How long?! There was no report of Princess attacks on this part of the border!"

"That's because I didn't report it, Pet!" Vultak grabbed one of his lieutenant by the collar and pulled her close. "We need to fortify the armory and intercept her before she can do real damage!! Get teams on it now!!" The lieutenant rushed off, grabbing as many troops as she could muster as she ran off deeper into the camp. 

"What is happening, Vultak?!" Adora interrogated. "Who are we dealing with?"

Vultak rubbed the bridge of his nose and shook his wings. "Some pink haired one! She's attacked three other outposts along this part of the border over the last few weeks."

"And why wasn't this reported to Shadow Weaver?!"

Vultak scoffed. "Because she's an untrustworthy hag who is clearly hiding something! I serve Hordak not some crone!" 

"That crone is your commanding officer!" Adora spat. She felt the intense sensation of impulse boiling in her bones. "Why is the princess even attacking?! What set this off?! Usually they don't cross into the Fright Zone!"

Vultak ran his clawed hand along the side of his neck as he searched for words. "I don't know! Maybe because....I lead an assault..."

"...Assault? What assault? You weren't ordered to lead any assault!" Adora reached up and grabbed Vultak by the collar. 

Suddenly an explosion went off behind them. It sent debris flying over head and smashing into the soft dirt. 

"I was bored okay!? Scouts said they found a fort not too far into the woods and we sent in a team and we burnt it to the ground! It was a morale booster!"

Adora grunted and ran her fingers through her hair. "You idiot! And you didn't think there'd be retaliation?! "

"That's a lot coming from you! Didn't you stab one of them to death?!"

Adora's grip on Vultak loosened as she felt a twinge in her chest. 

Suddenly Adora saw her. The sparkly, pink Princess. She was teleporting along the watchtower placing small devices along the struts. Adora recognized them right away. Horde mines. 

Somehow this princess had stolen a trove of plastic explosive and was planting it along the outpost. Adora pushed Vultak aside and rushed toward the trail of puprle and pink sparkles. 

Troopers were fumbling out of rubble and staggering as Adora shouted for them to reform outside the gate. She needed to get everyone out into a defensable postion. It was hard doing that with a teleporter. They needed a way to keep eyes on her. 

Suddenly as Adora was running scenario after scenario over in her head she was face to face with her. The pink haired princess that took the sword from her on that frozen mountain top. 

The princess' eyes widened as she caught sight of Adora. "You!" She shouted as she jumped and tackled Adora. Adora prepared to hit the ground but instead was hit with a wave of sparkles and then found her back smashing into hard bark. 

Adora felt a rush of air escape her as she impacted against the unyielding wood of a giant tree. She flung her eye open and tried to get her barrings. Suddenly a fist smacked Adora right in the jaw. 

The princess pressed her hand against Adora's neck, and applied choking pressure as she swung her other down on to Adora's face. Again and again. Adora let out a soft grunt as she shifted her weight. She quickly pulled at the princess' shoulders and twisted her and slammed her, head first against the tree. 

Adora panted as she grabbed the princess by her bright pink hair and slammed her head against the tree again. The princess slumped to the ground. Adora leaned down to yank her to her feet when suddenly the rebel wheeled around and blasted a spray of sparkles into Adora's eye. 

Adora staggered and tried to bat at the irritating specks of magic. Using the opportunity the princess pounced. She pushed her whole weight into Adora driving her back and down a steep hill. The two tumbled and rolled one over the other, their bodies finding corners in the jagged pieces of earth. 

They landed in a creek bed, the smoothed stones providing poor cushioning for the fall. Adora landed on the bottom and swore she heard a rib snap. The rebel princess gasped out in pain as she writhed from the impact. 

"Fuck.." The princess let out. 

"Yo--you're under arrest..." 

The princess slid off of Adora and flopped down beside her in the stream. Adora fumbled through her blurry mind. She had to plan. Find a strategy. How did she get this rebel commander back to the Capital? How bloody did she want to be? This was a prime opportunity to show Shadow Weaver she was still capable. Still loyal. Still worth something....

Adora mustered up her strength and sat up quickly. The pink haired one was slowly rising to her feet as Adora crawled up and charged her. She dug her shoulder into the girl's stomach, lifting her off her feet and driving her into the wet, rocky muck. 

Why isn't she teleporting? She knew Princess magic was volatile and dangerous but that never stopped them from using it. But this one was different. She was either already exhausted or she's up to something....or...

"You can run out of magic!" Adora barked, a pleased, wet grin spreading on her lips. Adora leered down at the struggling commander as she bent her arms against the grit and water. This was the thing Catra had run off for? Her? This?

Catra....A cat woman on the ground in a soft red silk evening gown, growing redder flashed in Adora's mind. Adora could feel her hand twist the commander's wrist back. She let out a yelp of pain. 

Adora's focus snapped back down to the struggling woman beneath her. Adora dug her knee into her ribs a little. Make her feel pain. Make her ache. 

The rebel let out a sharp gasp. "I-- I'm going to kill you, Horde scum.... " She murmured after stealing a breath. "I'm going to pin your head under a fucking rock--and- smash it with another rock!" 

Adora scoffed and then found herself chuckling softly. She felt her chest swirl and fall as the too loud laughter escape her lips. Why is she laughing? Was it funny? The laughter was strange, the cadence was unnatural and awkward. Her eye welled up. 

Adora felt the laugh slow and drop from her. Her grip loosening on her rightful prisoner. Adora stumbled backwards and sat down in the stream. She felt tears in her eye. Not now. Not in front of the enemy!

Strangely the princess also seemed to be taking this moment to process as she was laying down a moment before her next move. She let out soft sporadic grunts as she slowly moved each body part and realigned herself. 

"...You almost killed Catra,ya know...." She spat rolling to her side. 

Adora stared down at her hands and felt them tense. "She didn't die?..." 

"No. " 

Adora couldn't explain how she felt. It was mix of intense relief and immense failure. On one hand the girl she had grown up with was still alive. Still able to change her ways and come back home. On the other hand.....now the Princess Prom mission was a near complete failure. She very well, for the sake of only causing momentary confusion in the rebels, attacked someone on neutral ground and also returned with no sword! 

Glimmer finally slowly sat up and placed her tired and dizzy gaze on Adora. "But you left her helpless and dying on the floor, Adora...She was so scared. I told you if you hurt her I'd kill you..."

"You did."

"I meant it. I can feel it in me. I want to get up and kick you until you're in pieces....But I don't think I could look her in the eyes again if I did..."

Glimmer staggered to her feet and trudged out of the creek, taking uneven steps along the soft mud at the edge. She turned to look back down at Adora. "She says you're a good person, Adora. Even after everything you've done...." 

With that she turned her head back away and flashed away in a burst of sparkles. 

Adora sat for a moment longer before slowly climbing to her feet and making the trek back out of the woods. She stood at the edge of the treeline and turned on her badge's tracking device and waited for her ride back to the outpost.


	13. Chapter 13

Adora stood stark still in the sanctum, her eye placed on Hordak's throne. Shadow Weaver sent a bolt of shadow out into back of the lab. She seemed pleased with her work and made her way down the the stairs, dragging a nail against the arm of the throne as she did. 

Adora turned her head away from the throne and down toward the ground, Shadow Weaver coming up and standing next to her. Shadow Weaver turned her pale white eyes down on Adora a moment. 

"Adora dear, you seem nervous."

"I'm just worried, my mistress...."

"Always the worrier. What is there to worry about? It's a perfectly routine thing, Adora."

"I know....but what if they realize it's not him back there?"

"Do you doubt my abilities?"

Adora's eye widened and her chest tightened. "No! Of course not!"

"Good."

At that the sanctum door slid open and Scorpia found her way in, followed by Octavia, and Grizzlor. A few lieutenants and mid ranking troopers also found their way in to see the show. Scorpia tucked in line on the other side of Adora, gave a small salute to Shadow Weaver,then turned to face the throne like the others have. 

Suddenly Hordak's voice bellowed from his lab. "Alright. Let's this over with." The shadow clone Hordak strode into view. It had captured his likeness in every detail, his inflections, his mannerisms, the distant disgust with every other living being. It stopped in front of the throne and put its hands behind its back. "Bring the prisoner in!" 

The sanctum door slid open again, this time two troopers were pushing Vultak into the room. His strides were clumsy. His arms and legs were shackled together and his wings were pinned against his back by heavy metal restraints. Adora's stomach twisted as she watched him pushed to his knees in front of Hordak, facing the other officers. He looked Adora straight in the eye as Hordak continued. 

"Insubordination is not tolerated in the Horde. You all know this. But apparently we need a reminder why. Force Captain Vultak ignored procedure several times, cost me resources and men....and broke my trust..."

"Hordak, sir--!" Vultak tried to plead.

"Silence! Perhaps you can prove yourself to me once more. But for now, you must be punished." The clone dropped his eyes down on Adora. "Force Captain, Adora. Proceed."

Adora felt her body tense and her mind swirl. Shadow Weaver put her hand on Adora's shoulder and leaned down to her ear. "Break him until he can't walk." She quietly whispered. 

Adora slowly walked from Shadow Weaver's touch and toward Vultak. She could feel Scorpia's eyes burning into the back of her head. She just stood over Vultak a moment, staring down into his dull eyes. 

The room felt so small but everyone's stares felt enormous. The sensation of being looked at with expectation. Anticipation. Judgement. Adora's head swirled. Her chest burned. 

"What you gonna do, pet?" Vultak quietly mocked. "Rough me up--"

Vultak's words were suddenly halted by a fist slamming into his jaw. Adora brought another down, catching Vultak in the side of the head. He wobbled on his knees. 

Adora looked up at the Hordak clone and watched it watch her. Adora took a few heavy breaths, and then brought another right hand down onto Vultak. She heard the cartilage in his nose pop. Over and over she brought her hands onto Vultak's face. Blow after blow. 

His deep crimson blood, forming a grotesque mask over his face, Vultak quietly begged for her to stop. Adora instead sent a kick to his ribs. Her heart was racing. Adrenaline pumped through her. She felt such a rush. Such sensation. Not self loathing and worry. Not guilt twisting in her gut or the creeping paranoia. It was just pure thrill. 

It was the sensation she let herself chase since....she left....

Another series of kicks found their way to Vultak's stomach. He crumbled in on himself, which Adora answered with a kick to his face. He toppled over and Adora climbed on top of him and began to just hit him again and again. Her blows were wild, but each one she felt solid contact.

Her eye watered. She began to quietly laugh as she felt bone against her knuckles. A familiar sensation these days......Vultak's blood coated Adora's hands. 

"Enough!" The Hordak clone bellowed. 

Suddenly Adora was intensely aware of how long she had been just inflicting pain. She slowly climbed off of Vultak and staggered backward toward Shadow Weaver. 

"As--as you wish, Lord Hordak..." Adora slowly realized the whole front of her uniform was coated in blood. She dropped her eye and took her place back in line. 

Adora could feel Scorpia trembling.

"Take that wreck and lock him away someplace until he's fit for duty." The troopers that led him in nodded and grabbed Vultak under the arms and dragged him out of the room. "Let that be your reminder, all of you, that it is because of ME any of you have any purpose at all. I am the only reason you're alive and sleeping in a warm bunk. I have fed you, clothed you, trained you....And all that comes with a trust. A trust that you will do as you're told and FOLLOW COMMANDS. I will not tolerate insubordination. And will not tolerate fools. Is that understood?!"

"Yes Lord Hordak!" The room answered in unison. 

"Dismissed." The clone turned and disappeared back into the dim darkness of the lab. The others began to break their line, some heading out, looking some what ill from the whole experience, others seemed to need a moment. 

Adora looked up at Shadow Weaver. She gave a gentle nod and simply walked out of the room, the others saluting her as she left. Adora then, hesitantly looked up at Scorpia. Her expression was flat, but she could still feel her shaking a little. 

"Scorpia..." Adora reached out her hand a moment before remembering the blood and let it drop to her side. She dropped her shoulders and quickly walked out of the sanctum. 

To her surprise Scorpia was right behind her and followed her all the way her quarters. Adora turned around sharply at her door. Adora looked up at Scorpia's face. Her eyes looked so sad. It made Adora want to fall to pieces. 

"I--I need to help you--I need to make sure your hands are okay--clean them..." Scorpia said, her eyes watering. 

Adora took a sharp breath and then turned back to her door, punching in the keys to open it. "Okay..." The door opened to the mess in Adora's room. The uniform she wore in her fight with Glimmer in the Whisper Woods still sat on the floor, crumbled into a pile, and blotched in blood. Her paper work had grown to several high stacks. And her sheets were splotched with dried blood from who knows when. "Sit down where ever."

Scorpia pushed the pile of used bandages unfurled off of Adora's desk chair and slid it next to the sink and sat. "Wanna let me see your hands?"

Adora pulled her jacket off and gave a weak nod. She'd have to make sure to get the blood off of that thing....though right now it didn't feel worth the effort. Maybe she should just rip the thing to pieces. Demand a new uniform.... Adora, rolled back her blood-soaked sleeves and stood near Scorpia, holding her hands out toward her. 

"Do you have a cloth or something I can clean them off with?" Adora leaned over and grabbed a dingy looking towel and handed it to her. "Thanks..." Scorpia gave it a few rinses in the sink and wrung it out a little between her claws, before wiping away the blood on Adora's knuckles. 

"...I'm sorry you had to see that..." Adora blurted. 

"It's okay. I've been to plenty of Hordak's disciplinary sessions...."

"No...I'm sorry you saw THAT....me. The real me..."

Scorpia quietly scrubbed at Adora's wrist and forearms for a moment. "That's the real you?"

"...I'm really good at hurting people...That's all I'm good for..."Adora slumped a little into herself as she spoke. "...I'm--I'm a killer...In my gut I know I am..." Her eye filled with tears. 

Scorpia gently ran a comforting claw against Adora's arm. "How do you know? Have you... killed someone?"

Adora froze. Tears streaming down her cheek. She clenched her eye shut. What could she say? She needed to push Scorpia away. Kick her out and tell her her attention was unwanted. That she had work to do. That she was fine and Scorpia wasn't needed. 

Instead she nodded her head firmly and wept. 

"Oh, god, Adora...." Scorpia set the towel down on the edge of the sink and pulled Adora into her arms. Tears splashed onto Scorpia's shoulder as Adora sobbed. Scorpia ran the side of her claw gently along Adora's back in comforting little swirls. "It's okay Adora....It's okay..."

"No it's not..." Adora mumbled through her tears. "I'm a murderer...."

"Sssh. Just talk to me okay? Do you want to talk about it?"

"No....I can't..."

"That's okay too...but so you know....I told you, things on the battlefield..."

Adora leaned away. "You don't get it, do you?!"

Scorpia pulled back a bit too, before moving her claws back to gently holding Adora in front of her. "I thought maybe you got confirmation that that princess at the prom died...is that not what this is about?"

Adora scoffed. "No. She's still alive...." Adora pulled out of Scorpia's arms and sat on the edge of her bunk. She hung her head in her bruised hands. "...this was another outside of the battlefield sort of thing...and I can't say anything to anyone because if I do Shadow Weaver--Oh god I don't know what she'd do to me..."

Adora ran her hand along her eye patch a moment as if needing a tactile reminder of everything Shadow Weaver was capable of. She shook her head a moment. "Um-- could you find me a new uniform top? uh...i don't have a clean spare..." Adora absentmindedly started peeling her shirt off to add to the pile. 

Scorpia stood up quickly and covered her eyes with a claw. "Oh--sure! I can do that!"As she started to shuffle out of the room, Adora let out a sob. She dropped her claw and saw Adora sitting in her bra, her body bruised, and scars littering her back and ribs. There was a crude bandage still tapped to her side. "I--I can take the other ones to be cleaned too if you want?"

Adora gave a weak nod, leaning her head out of her hands. "Okay..."

Scorpia bent down and grabbed up the pile on the floor and looked up into Adora's open wardrobe and caught a glimpse of Adora's still bloody dress uniform. She reached a claw out to take it. "Should I clean this dress uniform too?"

Adora jumped to her feet. "NO!" Don't touch that! Leave that where it is!" Adora pushed Scorpia away from the wardrobe and slammed the door closed. The metal creaked from the impact. 

Scorpia slowly backed away and toward the door. "Okay..." she mumbled. 

"...Just take those and leave, okay?" Adora ran her fingers through her hair. 

"Of course...I'll bring you--you back a shirt..." Scorpia pressed to open the door with her free claw and left. 

Adora watched the door slide closed and then quickly reopened the wardrobe. She ran her hand along her dress uniform, straightening it, making sure it wasn't harmed. Made sure her blood was still caked to it. She found her self running her fingers across it more times than she meant to and lost all sense of time, since she barely had time to shut the wardrobe door before Scorpia returned with another uniform for her.


	14. Chapter 14

Adora ran her fingers through her hair as she raced down the barrack hallway. She was finishing drills with the cadets when the slow ache became an intense buzz. She had quickly dismissed them and ran out of the training room as soon as possible. She knew this sensation. Impulse. Nagging, gnawing drive to just get up and go.' Just run. Run until you break!'. 

Adora turned to head toward the exercise hall. 'If that's what it wants then I'll fucking run!' Adora told herself. She unfastened her new jacket, the old one determined to be beyond salvaging, and started to pull it off. But to Adora's surprise....she walked right past the exercise room. 

Adora's feet carried her toward her room. The burning in her head was still wild and intense but in her gut she felt she knew this isn't what she needed to do. She didn't need to run in there. She need to run...some place else. Some place away from here. Adora hoped her mind would know what she needed to do when she got to her room

As Adora shut her door, she quickly surveyed the room. She took a mental inventory as she threw her jacket onto the floor. She grabbed a field bag, grabbed her spare ration bars, and a canteen, and shoved them in. She spotted her daggers and laid them on her bunk a moment. 

'Where am I going?'

Adora froze at her own thought. It felt like she had been discovered in the act...by her own mind. Adora gripped her shirt. Where was she going? The burning was there but now it was cloudy. Unfocused. Adora paced the room for a minute or two. 

Then she found her hand sliding open her wardrobe. She looked at her dress uniform a moment. She ran her fingers against it, before pulling it out and laying it on the bed. Adora quickly pulled off the clothes she had on and began to put the dress uniform on. 

She laced her boots back on, beginning to rub a spot out, before remembering her clothes where covered in dried blood. She stood straight as she looked in the mirror. She ran her fingers through her hair, and adjusted the strap on her eye patch. 

Adora then quickly pulled the bag over her shoulder, grabbed her daggers, hung them to her belt and headed out into the quiet barrack hallway. 

* * * * * *

Adora felt the wind whip through her hair as she sped through the edge of the Fright Zone in a stolen skiff. So strange....that night she had planned to cheer Catra up with a ride on one of these. She was so upset about Adora being promoted. But then Shadow Weaver caught her in the hallway--and then they were in Hordak's Sanctum...

Adora shook her head and turned her eye to the horizon. The edge of the Whispering Woods was quickly approaching. Adora had come to a conclusion on the skiff ride. She was going to trudge through those fucking woods and kill Catra. 

It was all she could figure out what she needed to do. The impulse wouldn't die. It didn't taper when she thought of the idea. Her mind ached the closer she got to the woods. It was just pulsing in her skull. 'RUN! RUN! RUN!' 

Adora pulled the skiff to a stop outside of he wood and slowly climbed off, her bag at her waist. These woods were her childhood nightmares....well aside from Shadow Weaver...She had been in them before, but it was one thing to be dragged there in a fight, this was a deliberate decision to walk into the terrifying woods in the middle of the night. Adora took one quick look back at the desolate waste she called home a moment before stepping into the woods.

The trepidation only lasted until Adora was about two or three minutes into the woods. She quickly felt the back of her head burn again. Her steps became quicker, even as the terrain became more unpredictable. Her mind demanded she walk. Soon the edge of the woods had disappeared from view. 

Adora slowly took a slope down, digging her heels into the soft muddy grass. Adora took a moment to reevaluate her direction. Everything felt the same. Just a mess of vines, roots, branches and muddy ground. Adora dug her nails into her scalp a moment and felt the pressure build in the back of her head. She had to just go. Pick a way and go. 

Adora pointed herself toward a clearing, running her fingers along the bark of the trees. She could feel herself start to take heavy breaths as she slogged through more and more mud. Suddenly she heard a sound.

With a click and whoosh a large bind wrapped around Adora, causing her to stagger, and then with another a bind strapped her to a large tree behind her. Her back smacked against the tree with a thud as she was tightly constrained. Her arms were bound under two layers of heavy ropes. Adora let out an amimalistc growl, as spit flied from her mouth. 

"WHERE ARE YOU?!" She barked. 

"Woah, calm down..." A voice from the trees said.

"I WILL RIP YOU TO PIECES!"

"Hey! Relax! I want to talk!"

"Talk?!" Adora scoffed. 

"Yeah..." Suddenly Adora saw a figure drop from the branches to the moonlight forest floor. A young man in unpractical body armor strode closer to Adora. He was slipping a bow back behind his back. He stopped a good, safe distance away. "...I just wanna talk." 

"Talk about what?!" Adora could feel her body fighting against the restraints as her brain seemed to be fighting to get out of her head. The man took a small step toward her. "Get away from me, rebel garbage!"

"Okay no need for that..." The man said, almost scolding her. "Why are you out here?"

"The actions of the Horde or its officers are of no concern of yours!!!" Adora growled, her chest began to heave a bit. Breathing felt harder as the burning in her skull grew. "I--I ..."

"It's does concern me when one of their officers is walking through Brightmoon territory."

Adora felt her vision blur. She had to get out. She had to run. She had to kill Catra. Make the aching stop. Her breaths became her simply choking over her seemingly collapsing throat. She gasped and gulped for air. But nothing was coming. 

"Woah woah....are--are you having a like--panic attack?" The man's voice wavered. He slowly got closer. "Hey. Listen to me. Can you hear me?" The man's voice softened. 

"Y-yes..." Was all Adora could muster. 

"Good....My name's Bow. Hey can you take some deep breaths with me?" Adora let out a weak choking sound. "Do it with me? In.......and out" Bow gestured with his arms. 

Adora let her mouth hang as she tried to let herself breathe. Air shakily slipped into her lungs. To Adora, the world felt like it was being seen through a pinhole. 

"That's good. In......and out...." Bow continued, and Adora followed suit. Slowly the burning in her chest slowed as she felt her lungs letting in more and more air. Her vision slowly pulled back and now not everything felt so close but so far. She took more and more deep breaths as she watched Bow plop down onto the forest floor. 

It felt like hours watching the little archer look at her from the ground. But it really was probably a few minutes. Adora was still slowly steadying her breath, as she felt the ropes scrape her bracers. 

"Better?" Bow asked, gently. 

"Shut up..." Adora quietly spat, not having the energy to do much. The burning in her head was smaller, less intense. 

"What are you doing out here, Adora?"

"You know my name?!"

"Yeah...I've seen you a few times, though, we weren't ,uh, formally introduced....Catra talks about you, though."

"She talks about me?!" Adora felt this tickling sensation in her chest. 

"I mean, yeah! Lots actually..." Adora dropped her head. "She misses you..."

Adora scoffed and spat. "I know what you're doing..."

"What?"

"You're trying to trick me....Catra tell you I'm gullible? Sweet gullible Adora...huh?!"

Bow furrowed his brow as concern filled his face. "No! Of course not!"

Tears were flowing down Adora's cheek. "That's it right! Lie to me! I--can--I can't do it! You can't do this to me!"

"Hey. Hey. No one is here to trick you, okay?" Bow said, calmly, clearly restraining himself from touching Adora and maintaining his distance. "I just am here to keep you from doing....what ever it is...you're out here to do..."Adora turned her head away from Bow, and pointed her eye to some far off point in the darkness. "...What exactly were you doing out here, Adora?"

"I wanted to kill Catra..." Adora found the words fumbling out of her mouth. Saying it now, out loud, without the impulse driving in her skull, it felt surreal to say. Bow let out a short, muted gasp, a look of shock on his face. 

Then quickly it shifted back to neutral, if quietly concerned. "I was afraid you were out here to....hurt yourself..."

"You're not concerned that I'm out here to kill Catra?!"

"Oh no. That's very concerning, for sure....its just...I mean, were you really going to get to Brightmoon, navigating an enchanted forest in the dark without a map, somehow make it past the castle gates, somehow find her room, and kill her, and then somehow make it out of the castle, past the guards and all in what is certainly going to be broad daylight by the time you got anywhere near the castle? Cuz that seems hard...and it looked like you weren't thinking that far ahead..."

Adora wiggled in her restraints a little. "...I could have done it..."

"You don't look like you're doing well, Adora..."

"Fuck you!" Adora spat. "How would YOU know?! You don't even know me!"

"No. I guess not...But this Adora doesn't seem anything like the one in Catra's stories..."

"Oh, forgive me if I don't line up with the ramblings of someone you brainwashed and tortured!"

Bow's face was still unreadable in the low light. "Brainwashed? Tortured? Is that what they tell you we do?"

"It's common knowledge. You rebels are sneaky, cruel and manipulative. I don't put brainwashing past you. "

Bow studied Adora's face a moment. "When was the last time you slept?"

"Why? What does it matter?! What does this have to do with anything?"

"When?"

"Two days ago...."

"For how long?"

"About three hours."

"...are you afraid to go to sleep?"

Adora's eye widened. "I'm afraid of nothing!!"

"So you're not afraid anyone's going to hurt you while you sleep or something?"

"What?! No!"

Bow paused. "What about nightmares?"

"I--I......" Adora let her body slack a moment. 

"Hmm. They're that bad?...." Adora gave a weak nod. "What are they about?"

"Why would I tell you?!" Adora scoffed. "You're the enemy!" Bow pulled a device from his belt and began to click on it a moment. "What are you doing?!"

"Letting people know I found you. Protocol and all..."

"Protocol..."

"What are these nightmares like?"

"I told you, I'm not telling you!"

"Okay. Fine. You don't have to tell me." Bow's calmness was intensely frustrating. "So...what was growing up with Catra like?"

"...without the other, both of us would have died a long time ago...." Adora softly said. 

"But you came here to kill her?..."

"...yes....She's the enemy..."

It was then the forest flashed with a soft pink glow for a moment and suddenly she saw the pink princess next to Bow. Adora's chest tightened at the sight of her. She clenched her teeth, the drive to smash her face into a rock grew. 

"Wow! Good work, Bow! You got her!" Glimmer leaned somewhat close to Adora. "Hi there! You are formally our prisoner." She grinned. Then she took a moment and put on her best intimidation face. She was scarier when she wasn't trying to be. "Here's how it's going to go, PRISONER, I'm going to teleport, you, me, and Bow to Brightmoon. And you're not going to make a fuss unless you want an arrow to your (only) eye. Understood?" 

Adora simply growled and spat. 

"I guess that means you understand...."

Bow drew his bow and pulled an arrow back. The point directed right at Adora's center of mass. The princess put her hand on Bow's back and then she put her hand on Adora's shoulder. Adora swung her head wildly, barking and straining to get out of her touch. But she couldn't. 

In a flash Adora was greeted with a circle of spears pointed at her. The Brightmoon guard surrounded her, as Bow and Glimmer slipped quickly out of the way. The first layer of restraints were still bound tightly around Adora as she surveyed the courtyard. 

One guard quickly pulled her daggers from her belt and then she was pushed toward the castle. A dozen guards, Bow and Glimmer marched Adora through the halls, and toward a room flanked with more guards. 

Adora was shoved onto a large padded chair and quickly, with a bolt of magic, a circle surrounded her. One of the guards finished their work and a force field cut Adora off from the rest of the room. 

"YOU REBEL FUCKS! YOU PIECES OF SHIT!! I WILL KILL ALL OF YOU!!" Adora bellowed, dragging her bound shoulders against the stinging force field. "YOU HEAR ME?! I WILL BREAK YOU!"

The guards pulled back. Most walked back out of the room, leaving a pair by the door while Bow and the pink princess stayed behind. The pink one's smug satisfaction made Adora want to make her swallow her own teeth. 

"Why don't you sit back and rest a bit, Horde scum? My mother will be in here shortly to interrogate you." With a grin she turned around, grabbed Bow by the arm and teleported them both away, leaving only the guards and her. 

Adora slumped down onto the chair, the thick cushions puffing out as she sat. Suddenly the strangeness of being in a rebel stronghold hit Adora. She crumbled in on herself and began to softly weep. She felt so stupid and so awful. Her brain was so exhausted that she couldn't even get herself to formulate a way out. 

Instead she just wheezed through her tears waiting to be tortured by rebel magic and paraded as a prize. She pulled her legs up to her chest, her arms still bound at her sides. She closed her eyes and felt her brain swirl and buzz with emotion. 

* * * * *

The sound of the door clicking open and clanking of spears shook Adora awake. Had she fallen asleep? She felt so stupid. She needed to stay alert, prepared. She clumsily swayed up, her bound arms not there to steady her shift in position. She caught a glimpse of two women approaching the force field. One she recognized right away....

"The queen of Brightmoon..."

"I am. " She gave a stern nod. "This is Castaspella, head of sorceress of Mystacor. She's here to make sure you speak truthfully."

"Fine...torture me....you won't get anything from me..."

"Torture?--what--"

"I won't give in, you know that?! What ever you did to Catra or Hordak won't work on me!"

"Whatever are you talking about?" The queen said, clearly confused. 

Castaspella gently moved her hands and formed a circle in the air. "This is a simple truth spell, it won't hurt you." In a flash the circle slammed through Adora. She prepared to feel pain but instead felt....clarity. "What is your name and rank?"

"Adora. Force Captain."

The queen took a moment, as if planning her approach. "Why were you in the Whispering Woods tonight?"

Adora tried to struggle not to speak but felt compelled to answer truthfully. "I was going to kill Catra."

The women gave each other a worried look as the queen continued. "Was it part of a Horde plot? Where are your troops?"

"No troops. Just me. I didn't tell anyone I was leaving."

"Why?"

"Because....I had to...." Adora shuffled uncomfortably at her words. 

"Was this an order from a superior?"

"No....I had to quiet my brain....I wanted to make it stop buzzing..."

"Whose blood is on your clothes?" The sorceress suddenly asked. 

"Catra's....from the Princess Prom...I never cleaned it...."

"Why do you think we'd torture you?"

"Why wouldn't you?..."

"Because it is not what we do in the Rebellion..."

Adora scoffed. "Everyone knows princesses are bloodthirsty and uncaring. Once you leave I'm certain one of your lackeys will come in here and put the the screws to me and you can pretend you don't know anything about it..."

"Certainty that a thing will happen does not mean it will." The queen softened a moment. "And I promise it will not...."

"DON'T YOU MAKE A PROMISE!! PROMISES ARE SACRED! DON'T YOU FUCKING PROMISE ME!!" Adora shot up and smashed her head against the barrier a moment, the stinging sensation dulled by fury. 

"Adora, please step away from the force field." Adora plopped back down onto the chair, seemingly too exhausted to fight much about it. "Thank you. Forgive my choice of words. Perhaps a guarantee is better? I guarantee no harm will come to you as long as you don't attempt to escape or...hurt yourself..."

"Why is everyone afraid I'll hurt myself?! The archer was concerned about that too! I'm not an idiot!"

"Adora just a moment ago you were pressed against a barrier which as far as I know is quite painful to touch. Did you even notice?"

Adora let out a soft grumble and rolled to face away from the queen. "No....I was too angry...you piss me off..."

"Hmm. I can see that...Is your force captain's badge on you? The guards didn't see one when you were brought in..."

Suddenly Adora rolled back over. "My badge?....I--I forgot it..." She forgot her badge? Oh god she left it on her bunk. That will be seen as a sign of desertion! Suddenly panic gripped her. "I forgot it! No! No! They'll see it and think--" Adora began to thrash as her chest burned. "I didn't desert! I--" Her eye stung with tears. 

"It's okay, Adora. Calm down. You're in no danger..."

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO TO DESERTERS?! TO TRAITORS?! ...Even if they just suspect you...you--you get sent to people like me...." she quietly trailed off.

The winged queen watched Adora as she writhed with guilt a moment. "Have you been forced to carry out these...punishments yourself, Adora?"

"...yes..."

"What is the nature of these punishments?"

"...I hit them with my bare hands until they stop moving...." Adora sent her eye toward the floor. She hated the intense feeling of weakness she felt speaking those words. 

"Do you regret doing it?"

"Yes!" Adora found the word escaping her lips quicker than she expected. But her stomach twisted as she found herself continuing. "...but I'm good at it..."

The Queen crossed her arms and paced the room a moment while the Sorceress kept her eyes on Adora. "Would you try and escape given the opportunity?" She asked. 

"In a heart beat."

"What would be your plan?"

"With no other options, I'd brute strength away from the guards, get my hands on a weapon, and try and fight my way back into the woods."

"Hmm. Good to know. " The queen spoke from the other side of the room. She turned away a moment before turning back and walking toward Adora. "Would you like to speak to Catra?"

"What?..."

"You seem agitated. Perhaps speaking with someone you know....even if your feelings about them are....complicated, might help you open up more."

Adora scoffs. She has scoffed more than she ever thought she would speaking to an evil rebel queen. "Word of advice. During an interrogation don't tell the subject why you're going to do anything. Keeps them antsy and scared...."

"Thank you....I'll....consider that...Why don't you want to see Catra? I mean you came all this way..."

"To kill her!"

"Do you think you still could?"

"....No...."

A small smile slipped onto the queen's face. She hated seeing these miserable rebels smile. So smug and self assured. "Splendid. Then I'll send her in in a moment." The queen gave a gentle nod to the sorceress and with a wave the sensation burning in Adora faded. "You should be able to lie again."

"Great..." Adora mumbled. 

"We'll have more to discuss later." With that they both walked out, the guards giving salutes as they held the doors open for them. Adora watched them go quietly whispering to each other. Scheming, no good rebel garbage. 

As the waiting passed, Adora had zoned out completely. Her thoughts felt too intense to linger on so instead she simply had found herself laying on her side, staring off into the darkness. Looking at strangely decadent room. This was a prison?

Suddenly again, she was startled, but this time not by the door, but by a familiar splash of pink light. Adora rolled back up into a seating position. The pink princess was there, but along with her was Catra. Adora looked up at Catra, staring right into her big sad mismatched eyes. 

"Hey Adora."


	15. Chapter 15

Adora looked Catra up and down. No sword. Her hair was as wild as ever, she looked less thin, stronger. If she was still dealing with recovery from her knife wound it didn't show. Then again that was months ago....God it had been so long. Adora could feel her stomach twist. 

Adora looked over to the pink one. She was staring daggers into Adora from the other side of the barrier. Adora returned her gaze and the two just stared at each other for what must have been minutes. 

Catra looks between them both and lets out a heavy sigh. "Okay Glimmer can you chill for a second? Go wait outside."

"What?! No! She STABBED you and left you for dead, Catra!" 

"I know I know. But, I need to talk to Adora and having you right here is clearly making her... uncomfortable..."

Adora spat on the floor and turned her glare to Catra. "I'm not uncomfortable.....I'm in the lap of luxury, Catra." Adora wiggled in her restraints a little. "I'm having a very pleasant time..."

"Being sarcastic isn't going to help anything, Adora..."

Adora let out a small, halfhearted chuckle. "They REALLY brainwashed you good didn't they...."

"Listen, lady! I want you to know if you think of pulling anything I will end you..." Glimmer press her face nearly against the barrier. Adora shot to her feet and wobbled to meet Glimmer's gaze. 

"When I get out of this stupid magic circle I am going to make you regret those words..."

"Big talk from someone stupid enough to come into MY territory ALONE..."

Catra ran her fingers through her mane out of frustration, then dropped her arms and quickly turns to Glimmer. "Gee-zus Glimmer calm down. Okay you're done. Out. " Catra points at the door. 

Glimmer turned back to Catra and grumbled. "Come on! I need to stay! To protect you!..." Adora watched as Catra's hand held Glimmer's....Adora could feel a twinge in the back of her head. "...what if...what if..."

"I know....but I need to talk to her alone. Trust me on this, okay?" They looked at each other a moment. Glimmer gave a slow nod and disappeared in a flash. Catra turned to face Adora. 

"No sword? What, am I beneath the attention of the mighty She-Ra?"

"What? No.." Catra instinctively reached where she would keep her sword at her side and then ran her hands against her nightshirt. "I just don't think I'll need it...."

A heavy silence filled the room. Adora looked down at the floor a moment. 

"...Why'd you touch her like that?" Adora finally blurted. Her face scrunched a bit, anger building . 

"...Glimmer's my friend....Why? Jealous?" Catra let a small smirk grow on her face. Adora wanted to smash her face into the dirt or kiss her. The ache in her head throbbed a bit as she imagined both scenarios. 

"Yes." Adora said, bluntly. She didn't know if she was too tired to pretend otherwise or if the Queen had lied about removing their truth spell. 

Catra's eyes widen at that, then quickly settle back down into her usual, soft, half lidded gaze. "Didn't expect to hear that...." 

"I'm full of surprises."

"You didn't used to be."

"Things change."

"Yeah..."

Catra took a small step forward and looked at Adora moment. Her eyes showed pity. Catra was pitting her. Nothing is crueler than pity. "You didn't answer when I asked about your eye in Salineas....Did Shadow Weaver do this?"

Adora bit down hard on her lip. The sensation of shadows drilling into her eye socket burned in her for a moment. "Y--yes..." She sputtered. She shook her head quickly to get the sensation out and ran her fingertips along the barrier. "I deserved it tho...I was being...difficult"

"Adora!" Catra clenched her fists and leaned close to the barrier. "What ever you did--or didn't do....you don't deserve to have your eye taken..."

"I killed someone." Adora said plainly. She slowly took a few steps back and found the chair again. 

Catra recoiled in reaction to the words. "What?! Who?..."

"Hordak. I snapped his neck with my bare hands..." Adora hadn't realize she was crying. A lot. 

Catra got crouched down getting close to the barrier again, trying to get to Adora's eye level. "Hordak's dead?..." Adora gave a weak nod. She seemed to regret confirming it but it just made her cry harder. "It's okay...it's okay..."

"NO IT'S NOT! I'm a murderer! I'm a brute and a monster!" 

"Adora no....please. Don't talk about yourself that way....tell me what happened...."

"No! I told Shadow Weaver--I vowed....I wouldn't tell anyone...She--"

"She's not here, Adora...." Catra's big soft eyes pleaded. "Please just tell me...it'll feel better to tell someone..."

Adora slammed her head hard against against the edge of the chair. "NO! You're tricking me! Trying to get information!! Princesses lie. Princesses lie. Princesses lie. "

"Hey! Hey..." Catra's voice was firm but gentle. "Stop that. You're hurting yourself. Stop..." Adora slowly rocked back and forth, tears streaming from her eye. "...okay...you don't have to tell me. But for your sake I would like it if you got it off your chest...I can't imagine having to carry that around for so long..." 

Catra dropped down to the floor and sat for a moment, her tail plopped onto her lap. She looked up at the dimly lit walls a moment then turned her eyes back to Adora. "No one has to know what you tell me here you know..." Adora looked to the guards standing by the door awkwardly trying to look uninterested in this very interesting conversation. Catra turned to look their way too, sending a small glare. "Well those two will keep their mouths shut too if they know what's good for 'em. " They give a gentle nod in near unison. 

"...The details are...god....please--you'll hate me so much..." Adora rocked harder. 

"Adora, you nearly fatally stabbed me and I still don't hate you, so don't feel so concerned."

"You don't hate me?!" 

"No....I don't think I ever could." Catra said, almost wistfully. 

Adora looked at Catra a moment. She stared back at her and gave a gentle nod. Her fanged smile made Adora want to explode. Then she dropped her head to the back of the chair and let out a long breath. She fought the urge to scream as the words poured. 

"I--I....We had just had that argument about me being promoted and you ran off....I went to figure a way to cheer you u-up and....a--and Shadow Weaver cau--caught me in the hall. She told me Hordak was acting strange....grown softer on the Princesses...influenced by their dark magic..Shadow Weaver lead me in, and--Hordak was angry at her--Like I was pulled into the middle of...something..."

Adora rolled and turned her head away as she continued. "Shadow Weaver and Hordak started fi-fighting and soon Shadow Weaver demanded I help. She ke--kept reminding me Hordak wasn't himself--had grown into a traitor to the cause....It was surprisingly easy landing blows on him--God--he felt so weak....Or I was strong...I begged him to listen to reason....to let Shadow Weaver help him--He wouldn't listen....

"...Eventually I have him on the stairs to his throne. I have my hands on his ne--neck trying to subdue him....I tell myself that's what I was doing...He just looked up at me....The light in his eyes were fading...I wanted to loosen my grip bu-but I--I.....I felt my hand tense....and I--I heard a snap....and....he was gone. In an instant...Gone...The man whose principles I dedicated myself to.....gone...

"I turned around--and Shadow Weaver was just standing there. She wasn't surprised--why should she be? Her little brute should be good at killing...I screamed and cried and she just stood there watching me. Just watched as I destroyed everything in that room....Ripped it to pieces with my bare hands...Then I ran off---into a supply closet and cried until dawn....."

Adora let her head turn back to Catra. She was still on the floor, her checks wet with tears and her hand gripping the collar of her shirt. Adora shook with more tears. She must think she's so disgusting. So vile and monstrous. 

Catra shot up and ran to one of the guards. "Can you take this barrier down?!" The guard fumbled for words. "Can you?!" The guard awkwardly nods. "Well do it! Now!" 

The Guards make their way quickly to the barrier, Catra right behind. One brings the magic down, while the other grips their spear. Catra pushes past them the moment it was down and pulled Adora into her arms. She held Adora close as she just rocked and cried. 

"Shhh. It's okay...." Catra quietly said as she ran her fingers through Adora's hair. "It's okay...I'm here..."

"I'm a monster Catra..." Adora softly mumbled, her face pressed into Catra's chest. Her tears staining her fur. "I'm a monster..."

"No you're not...shhh...."

They awkwardly sat, crumbled together in the chair, Catra planting small kisses on Adora's head as she wept. Adora's whole self felt defeated and empty. All she had left were tears.

That apparently went on for a very long time because eventually Glimmer popped back into the room. Catra leaned her head away and toward the flash. Glimmer caught her eye and then turned her attention down to the down barrier and the scene where it was supposed to be. "...what's going on?"

Adora wanted to stop crying. 'Not in front of a princess'...But that want seemed to just make her cry harder and drive her face deeper into Catra. 

"She's having a rough time..." Catra said, simply. 

Glimmer gave an awkward nod. "I see...uh....My mom wanted to know if everything was okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine....can we maybe find her a bed? I don't think she's slept much...You can make a barrier circle big enough for that right?"

Glimmer nodded again. "I can see what we can do...Mom wanted me to take off her bindings, i--if you felt safe doing that....I'd have to wait until the barrier was ready to go back up though."

Catra gently pulled Adora from her chest, still holding her as her tears slowed. "Glimmer's going to take these things off..." Running her hands against the rope that wound around Adora from mid bicep to wrist. "But first you have to promise me you won't do anything, okay? Can you promise me that?"

Catra looked at her fully aware of what a promise meant to them both. "I promise." Adora replied weakly. 

"Atta girl." Catra gave a gentle smile and took a step to the side as Glimmer pressed a finger to the ropes and they were gone. Adora's bag swayed at her hip, being finally freed from the ropes. Catra quickly, but gently slid the bag off Adora's shoulder and handed it to one of the guards. 

Catra pressed her head to Adora's a moment and then stepped away. As soon as she was back out of the circle the barrier was back up. "We'll get you a bed in here as soon as we can." Glimmer said, quietly. Catra put her hand on Glimmer's shoulder and in a blink. They were gone.

Adora watched the guards walk back to the door, hand her bag off to the ones on the other side and then take their posts. Adora slowly crawled back onto the chair and curled in on herself. 

The ache in her head was quiet.


	16. Chapter 16

"...please...don't Shadow Weaver...I--I...please...god no....NO!"

Adora bolted awake with a start. She gasped and sucked in air, sweat tinged strands of blonde hair dangling across her face. She clutched her shirt...She was confused a moment when she didn't see her Horde mandated uniform but quickly remembered some time in the night the Brightmoon guard had brought in a bed and a change of clothes for her. Remembering what she had on...she couldn't blame them for insisting she change. 

Adora reached up and pushed the hair from her eye, and noticed her eye patch had come off in the night. She quickly crawled across the bed tossing the sheets against the barrier containing her and frantically searched. She growled to herself then spotted it sitting on the floor. She slid off, careful not to stumble into the magic around her and quickly pulled on her eye patch. 

A soft morning light shone through the small windows near the tall ceiling. The plushness of everything was clearer in the light. So many royal purples and soft pinks and blues. It made Adora uneasy. These were enemy colors. It was then she reminded herself she was draped in them now too. 

She looked up at the door and saw the guard was watching her. In the fright zone she felt like she was always being watched but to have the sensation be so literal was strange and she hated it. The guard seemed to notice Adora saw her staring and turned away to look at nothing in particular. 

"I need to use the bathroom." Adora mumbled loud enough for the guard to hear. The guard gave a nod, let in a couple more guards from the other side of the door and then let down the barrier just enough for Adora to make a step into a small alcove with a toilet and a shower. The barrier closed, blocking her from leaving until she told the guard she was done. 

They had discussed this procedure sometime while Adora was foggily shifting from the over-plush chair to the surprisingly more firm bed. No matter her state of mind, Adora, usually, was very good at picking up procedure. Adora staggered onto the toilet. And just sat. 

Then suddenly she had no idea how long she had been sitting there with her fingers gripping her hair. She noticed the guard had been gently knocking on the wall nearest the bathroom. Then it hit Adora that they were talking too. "W--what?"

"I said, it's been a while. If you're done we need you to get back on the bed where we can see you."

"I'm pissing okay! Fuck!" Adora said, with a clear tremble to her voice.

"It didn't sound like..." 

"Gross. Look...I'm coming okay..." Adora pulled herself up and near the barrier. The small gap appeared again and Adora made her way back onto the bed. "There. Happy?"

The barrier snapped closed. Adora laid down and planted her eye on the corner of the room. She heard the shuffling of boots as the extra guards returned to their posts on the other side of the door. The door clicked shut then she heard the guard in the room slowly walk closer. 

Adora's chest tightened. She started to curl in on herself. What did she want?!...Is she the one that does what Adora does? Is she an enforcer? Was she there to kill her? Break her? 

Adora couldn't stop herself from sobbing and shaking. "GET AWAY FROM ME! Get away!...please..."

"Woah...are you okay?"

"Don't touch me!" Adora screamed through her sobs as she clutched her head. 

"I'm--I won't--I wasn't going to. I just was going to let you know--you should expect the queen in about half an hour...um...sorry..."

Adora pulled her hair as she listened to the boots cross back toward the door and stop. She continued quietly sobbing until she fell asleep again. 

* * * * *

The sleep was short. Queen Angella, the great and terrible, entered the room. Adora sat up in the middle of bed as soon as she heard the quiet murmurs and clanking of spears outside. She tried to steel herself. Her head was clearer than last time. This time she'll be the one in charge. 

Angella gave a polite looking smile as she entered flanked by a pair of guards. As she reached the center of the room, just outside the barrier the guards pulled back to toward the door.   
Adora sneered at her and ran her hand across her eye a moment to make sure she didn't still have tears caked to her cheek. 

"How are you this afternoon, Adora?"

"What do you want?"

Angella's smile dropped a little. "Adora, what I want is to make sure you feel safe."

"Bullshit." Adora pointed at Angella. "You want information. Well you got it with your dark magic. You forced me to tell you. Bet you forced me to say all those things to Catra too huh? She run off and tell you everything like the little good robot you've made her?"

Angella shook her head gently. "Catra told me she promised--" Angella gave a small pause, evaluating her words. "--she assured you anything you discussed last night would be private. She and the guards in here last night have not repeated a word. To me, at least."

Adora leaned back, placing her palms onto the mattress and supporting herself. "Why should I believe you?"

"Well...I'm not certain I'd believe me either if I were you..." She quietly admitted. "I hope to prove my, and my people's, trustworthiness with actions. Make your...stay as hospitable as it can be. Considering the circumstances."

Adora scoffed and laid back down. "Whatever. I suppose you want gratitude. Thanks for not killing me yet. I'm sure you rebel types will get off on watching me squirm."

Angella let that remark hang a moment. "Adora again, I want you to know no such thing will occur. Brightmoon does not kill it's prisoners."

"Sure..."

"Hmm." Angella turned her body away a bit. "Adora, Bow told me you hadn't slept for days when you arrived here. He said you told him you were having nightmares?"

"I didn't tell him that. He assumed...."

"That's not what he said...." Angella's voice softened. "Would you like to tell me what your nightmares are about?"

"Why? so you can torture me with the information? Pff. Just lock me away . Let me rot. And leave me alone...I'm not telling you anything..." Adora rolled over to face away from Angella. 

Angella stared at Adora for a long moment. "If you tell me about your nightmares, you can talk to Catra some more, how does that sound?"

Adora rolled over and lifted herself on her elbow to look at Angella. "Are you trying to bribe me?"

A faint, sardonic smile drifted across the queen's face. It reminded Adora of Glimmer. It made her want to break her jaw. "I wouldn't call it a bribe. More like....incentive. And a peace offering."

Adora sat back up. "Fine. I don't trust you, but I'll humor you...."

"That's fine with me..." Angella gracefully grabbed a wooden chair from the corner of the room, placed it in front of the barrier and sat. "Most of my job is being humored."

Angella looked at her expectantly. Adora ran her finger along her scarred and scabbed knuckles as words suddenly became harder. "Well...it's usual stuff. Stressful things that can happen play out. You know a plan falling through. Losing a battle. It being my fault. It's normal stuff..."

"But?..."

Adora glared at her. "But...Those are the easy ones....I dream about Shadow Weaver. I dream about how she treated Catra...those used to be the dreams when I was a kid. Catra being hurt and me too scared to do anything about it....but now when I dream...I'm the one who's doing the the hurting...I make people scared.

"Each day it's been harder. You took Catra away right when things got so damn hard!Why'd you do that to me?...couldn't that sword picked anyone else?! Why'd you need her?! Huh?! Why did it have to be her?!"

Adora was weeping. She clawed at her eye, trying to stop the tears. "I need to stop crying! I can't cry in front of you!....Ugh." She rubbed her eye hard with her wrist and clenched the bedspread between her fingers in her other hand. 

Angella opened her mouth to speak then closed it seemingly thinking better of it. Instead she just quietly let Adora cry. 

"...All I can do is cry and break people....that's all I'm good at. " Adora quietly mumbled through quiet sobs. 

"Adora I'm certain that's not true, from what Catra has told me--"

"What DID she tell you?! I'd really like to know! All you people seem to know her better than me! So tell me, I'm all ears!"

Angella let out a soft sigh. "After your encounter at the Kingdom of Snows, she was stabilized then sent to Mystacor for treatment. She was unconscious there for two days. I was there when she woke up again, so confused and tired." Angella watched as Adora's eye was planted on her own hands. "I assured her everything would be alright. I told her we still had the sword, no one else was hurt....then she just looked up at me and asked if you were okay. She asked me if I knew you were good and kind."

"She sounds like she was delirious..." Adora mumbled.

"Perhaps...But the emotion was genuine. Even now, just this morning all she wanted to know is if you're okay. If you're safe. She cares about you, Adora. No matter how you feel about me, I feel you should know that." Angella looked at Adora, watching her avert her gaze and wipe at her tears. 

Angella stood. "I'll send Catra in with your lunch shortly." She said simply, before walking out the door, the guard opening it, and saluting as she left. Adora watched the guard gently shut the door and turn to face back toward her.

The guard gave a small nod. Adora returned it with a growl and ducked her head under her pillow. 

* * * * *

Adora watched Catra slowly walk in and place a tray of food on a side table next to the barrier. Adora dropped from the bed and met her there. 

"Hey Adora. Brought you your lunch....they don't want you having utensils yet...but there's some bread, some fruit and some dried meat for you. Have you been drinking the water by your bed?"

"Yes."

"Great!" Catra looked up at Adora a moment. Her small, sad smile made Adora's chest hurt. Catra turned on her heel suddenly toward the guard. "Hey, dingus, come take this thing down so I can give her her food!" 

"Catra, don't be mean." Adora found herself saying, almost out of habit. 

"I'm not being mean, I'm being authoritative." Catra smirked. It felt like some long forgotten inside joke they had but Adora couldn't remember if it was or if just being around Catra made her feel that way about everything they said to each other. 

The guard gave a small sigh and dropped the barrier just wide enough for Catra to hand her the tray and then closing it again. "Thanks." Catra said, giving a little nod to the guard. 

Adora stared down at her food. She already missed the ration bars. This all looked so strange. Like that weird stuff at the prom. She lifted the salted, dry meat to her nose a moment and sniffed. She gave it a small nibble, ripping a piece and chewed it slowly. 

"How'd your talk with Angella go?" Catra asked, sitting cross legged on the chair Angella left by the barrier. "Okay?"

"Fine." Adora said, still chewing. The taste of the meat was strangely wonderful, but the texture made Adora nearly gag at first. It was rough and chewy. But not the familiar chewy of a ration bar. This was like eating a thin sheet of protein and she wanted it out out of her mouth. She decided to swallow it fast and move to something else. "Trying to get a handle on her interrogation strategy...." Adora said, hesitantly pulling a small fruit from a bundle of fruits and chewing on it. 

"Interrogation? Is that what you thought that was?"

"Uh yeah?" Adora said, trying to hide her sensation of pure delight at what she had just tasted. "Woah." Adora popped more of the fruit into her mouth. "It's what that was."

"Uh, no. She was checking in on you. She did it for me after my first night here too." Catra watched Adora shovel more and more fruit into her mouth. 

"Well I'm a prisoner so I think that makes things different." Adora sputtered through her full mouth. "Besides you're the vessel of some sort of princess god. You get special treatment."

"No...I know what special treatment looks like..." Catra said, somewhat bitterly. "This is basic decency."

Adora stared at Catra as she ripped a chunk of bread off in her teeth and began to noisily chew. "Your new friends aren't better than me..."

Catra sent her eyes toward the ground. "I never said they were..."Catra nervously held her tail. "...I'm worried about you Adora..."

Adora's chewing slowed. "Fuck you." Tears swelled in Adora's eye. "FUCK YOU! You're worried?! Where was the worry when you ran off into the woods to play princess?!"

"I was worried the whole time you idiot! I tried to talk to you in Salineas! At the prom! But you REFUSED to listen! Because Adora is always right! Well maybe you're wrong!"

Adora spat at the barrier from where she sat. Catra watched the saliva slowly crawl down. "Rebel scum."

Catra leaned back, and gave a sour chuckle to herself. "Really Adora? That's deflectionary bullshit. Don't play tough guy with me. You can't." Catra folded her arms and looked at her. "I've seen you pee your pants like four times."

Adora raised her eyebrow. "Yeah well, at least I'm not the one who hugged Octavia because you were scared during that electrical storm..." Adora's eyebrow twitched a bit. "...she says hi, by the way..."Adora grinned and chomped into the loaf of bread, pulling another chunk off. 

Catra grimaced at the mention of Octavia then leaned back in the chair a bit. "So...what's being a force captain like? I always heard a rumor you get to chose what kind of ration bar you got when you're a force captain."

Adora gave a little nod. "It's true." She gestured with the half eaten bread loaf. "No waiting in line either. Just straight up to the window."

"Fuckin' lucky. Ration bar time was the worst...I always ended up with brown ones..."

"The brown ones suck." 

Catra nodded in agreement. "Oh. How do you like your food?"

"It's...okay. If it's not secretly poison." Adora ripped off more bread.

"You're just thinking of that now?"

"Was too hungry to care..." Adora plopped the last of her bread into her mouth. Adora then held up her tray. "I'm done..." 

Catra stood. "Right." She walked over to the barrier, the small section parted again, and she grabbed the tray from Adora. Their hands touched for a moment.

Catra pulled back with the tray and watched the barrier snap back whole. "I'll probably see if I can come by after you have dinner, okay?" Adora gently nodded. "Oh...Bow probably is gonna insist on bringing it. He's worried about you and wants to see how you are."

"Why?" Adora scoffed. 

Catra shrugged. "He worries about everyone....I think he's also curious. Sparkles is a little uh...less than enthused with you."

"The feeling's mutual. " Adora slid back to the headboard of the bed and leaned against it. "She's fun to beat up though. Fun to fight. Hitting her is satisfying." Adora added without much thought. 

Catra furrowed her brow a bit at Adora's comment. "Okay. Well...see you later, Adora. Try and get some more sleep. You still look like shit."

Adora lightly chuckled. "Bye, Catra."

Catra's tail swayed as the guard opened the door. She gave a small look back at Adora before leaving. Adora slid from the headboard and scooted down toward the middle of the bed and stared at the guard a moment. 

The guard unexpectedly looked directly at Adora. "I think she likes you." 

Adora stared at her, her face burning a bit. "Shut up." Adora laid down with a huff and turned her back to the guard.


	17. Chapter 17

"Hi there! How are we doing this evening?!" Adora shot up straight, hearing Bow's booming, cheery, voice break the previous hours', somewhat, pleasant silence. Adora scoffed and quickly turned her head toward the wall as Bow approached the barrier. He lifted the tray a bit. "I brought you your dinner. It's a nice soup and bread."

Adora let out a sigh and slipped off the bed to meet Bow at the barrier to take her food. The magic dropped in a small square again, and Adora quickly took the tray and placed it on the bed as the magic snapped back closed.

"No utensils..." She muttered. 

"No...sorry...but you should be able to sip that soup! And the bread is great for dipping!" Bow gave a small gentle smile. 

Adora cautiously climbed back on the bed next to her food. "Whatever..." Adora lifted the bowl and gently sipped the soup. It was warm and soothing. Adora allowed a more steady flow of hot soup into her mouth before noticing Bow still standing there expectantly. Adora put the soup down and wiped her mouth with her wrist. "What?"

Bow smiled. "Soooooo. How are you?"

"Uh...since you kidnapped me and are holding me against my will, I'm going to say....fuck you." Adora sipped more of her soup then lifted the bowl up a bit. "This is good though."

"That's good!" Adora looked up and noticed Bow had sat on the chair. Adora let out a grumble. "I wanted to apologize for maybe being a little rough with you last night? I know you weren't expecting to be taken and I know Glimmer can be a little-- gung-ho when it comes to dealing with Horde stuff..."

"Rough?....what do you mean?..." Adora raised her eyebrow. All things considered, knowing full well things can change, this capture has been rather painless. Well aside from all the pain Adora caused herself by bashing her own head and touching the barrier. She still felt a small stinging discomfort from it now. But rough? Is this rebel being serious? 

"I mean...I did pin you pretty hard against that tree. I think someone ought to take a look at your back, and maybe your hands? They look...."

Adora hid her hands in her sheets and turned her eye toward the corner. "What do you want?"

"Nothing."

"Sure..."

"No. I mean it. I don't want anything from you, Adora." Bow said firmly. "I mean I just want to make sure you're okay."

Adora looked up at him. Her persistent fury wavered a moment before settling down into frustration. "Why is everyone so worried about me?! Do I look like that much of a mess?!"

"Well...Yeah.." Bow said matter-of-factly. Adora sucked air through her teeth and let out a small growl. "But you look better than last night! Have you been sleeping?"

"Yes...when you princesses aren't waking me up with stupid questions..." Adora dropped her bread into soup and picked the soaking thing out and started to chew on it, her hands getting covered in soup. Bow gave a small look of disgust at the messy display. "When's the enforcer coming in to remind me this is all contingent on me cooperating? On me being a good captive, huh? When does the other boot drop?" Adora mused out loud, through chewed bread. 

Bow raised his eyebrow. "Enforcer?"

Adora ripped off another piece of soggy bread. "Yeah? Like the person you use to keep people in line? It's a basic thing?"

"I don't...think we have one of those...Does the Horde have those?"

Adora chewed slowly. "Yes. I'm one of them..." She tried to maintain eye contact with Bow but instead she balked and looked away in...shame? Disgust? 

Silence hung in the air a moment. Adora could feel the judgement growing in Bow's stare. Adora knew Bow was disgusted by her. Scared of her. She knew the moment she'd look up he'd be standing and gawking at the caged monster. 

Instead the atmosphere was broken by his gentle voice. "What did they make you do, Adora?"

Adora set her bread down on the tray and wiped her hands on her tunic. Then she clenched the fabric between her fingers. "They make me hurt people. Comrades....Anyone not loyal to Shad--The Horde....but a lot of the things I hurt....that was my fault...it's almost always my fault..."

"No. Stop." Bow spoke firmly. "It's not your fault. It isn't fair that they made you do that..."

Adora let out a rush of air. It was ragged. Somewhere between a sigh and a gasp. Her eye watered as she shook a little. "Fair?! What makes you an expert on fairness?! You don't get to judge me! You don't get to judge my dedication to my home! To my cause! Fuck you!"

Bow looked at her patiently. Adora hated that look already. Hated his stupid face. She wanted to hit him until he stopped looking at her. Adora felt her fists clench. 

"How does hurting people make you feel, Adora?" Bow asked gently. 

Adora's hands unclenched. "...Make me feel?"

"Yeah. What do you feel when they make you hurt people?"

Adora looked down at her hands. The anger in her drifted into the back of her chest as guilt raised up in her gut. "I don't like doing it...until I do...Breaking things...breaking people....is...sat-satisfying?" Tears dripped from Adora's eye. "I hate myself for it. But in the moment...god...it feels so good..."

It was clear it wasn't the answer Bow was expecting. His expression wavered for a moment before settling down again in a soft understanding. "Do you still think about hurting people?"

Adora gave a nod. "I mean...I--I have to--to think about it if I want to escape..." Bow's expression grew somehow softer, as if understanding Adora's trying to change the subject. "....but...yeah I--I do. A lot. Anytime some one looks at me wrong this prickling starts and I just i--imagine all the ways I could break them....I-I'm not proud of it..." Adora muttered. 

Bow stood and came closer to the barrier. "Look, I'm not really qualified to help you work all of this stuff out, Adora....But if you'll let us help you, we promise we wont judge you when you try and feel better. It'll be hard sure-- Glimmer might be a bit tougher on you than others..."

"What are you rambling about? I'm not taking your 'help'. Your help is what took Catra from me!" Adora blurted. She dropped her hands in her lap and began squeezing them, realizing she was yelling about Catra again. Adora's eye widened. "Is this how you brainwash people?"

Bow sighed. "I told you...We don't brainwash people. The things you hear in the Horde aren't true."

"Maybe the things the princesses tell you aren't true! Maybe our cause is just! Law and order!" Adora got off her bed and headed right to the barrier to meet Bow's eyes. "What gives you the right to question my family?!"

Bow's face grew stern. "They're the ones who MAKE YOU HURT PEOPLE! They're the ones who drove you to hurt yourself! Would anyone who cared about anyone demand that of you? Of anyone else?!"

Adora's shoulders dropped. "...you don't know them like I do..." 

"No. I guess not...but whatever was going on back in the Fright Zone...it left you a wreck. I don't trust a family that would do that to you..." 

Adora plopped down on her bed, her back bumping slightly against the tray. She ran her fingers through her hair and held it there a moment. Adora let out a sigh. "You can take my tray now..." Adora grabbed the tray with one hand, leaving the other resting on her head. 

She held it out toward the barrier and felt Bow take it through the quiet hum of magic. Bow looked at her a moment. "You're allowed to question things you know? Think about your own feelings. I think it would help you if you did."

Before Adora could object Bow was at the door waiting on the guard to open it. He looked back at her a moment, and gave a warm smile. Adora turned her eye away and crumbled in on herself as she heard the door close.


	18. Chapter 18

The night grew dark beyond the holding cell's pale, multicolored windows. The darkness seemed to physically weigh down on Adora as she tossed on the bed. Her guard was leaned in the corner by the door, obviously showing her tiredness before a shift change. Adora made a note. She had lost the energy to try and escape the night before but each second she was here was another second she was away from Shadow Weaver.

She had left her commander alone in a dangerous situation. One she herself helped create. She had to fix it. Protect her. Like she was raised to do. To be by Shadow Weaver's side. 

Tears built in her eye as she imagined Octavia, or Grizzlor cornering her. Demanding answers. Wondering where her 'pet' had gone. Wondering why she'd abandoned her. 

Suddenly the guard shifted and gently opened the door. Catra's shape was visible in the dim light of the hallway. Adora sat in the middle of the bed watching her tail sway gently with each step. 

"Lucile. You look like shit. Tell Devlin to relieve you." Catra told the guard firmly. The guard took a moment before giving a tired salute and walking out the door. Catra watched her leave and gently closed the door behind her. 

Catra strode toward the barrier and stood looking over Adora. "It'll be a few minutes until the fresh guard comes, so if you got anything you wanna say you don't want them to hear, say it now, 'Dora." Her fanged smile shined in the soft moonlight. 

Adora slowly stood and looked at Catra through the barrier. She clutched her arm and squeezed, unsure if she should say anything. She had concerns. Fears plaguing her. Catra used to be the person she shared those with...until she was taken from her. But things were different. They both were different. 

Adora sucked in a sharp, bitter breath. "I'm worried about Shadow Weaver." Adora finally admitted. 

Catra's eyes widened, then narrowed. "Why? She's garbage. Why the fuck do you care?"  
Adora turned away. "I know she's been...cruel...to us both. "

Catra scoffed. "That's putting it lightly, Adora."

"I know..." Adora sat on the edge of the bed and ran a hand through her hair. "I'm just so scared for her...I left her alone...and the other Force Captains...they don't trust her...because..."

"Because Hordak is gone..." Adora nodded. "God...Adora you gotta stop giving me all the like actionable intel when I promise not to tell people things. " She grumbled. "It's annoying."

"I thought that was the point!"

"It is! It is! Ugh!" Catra plopped onto the chair. "Keep going. Sorry."

Adora studied Catra a moment. Watched her anger slowly bristle out of her body and through her tail. The frustration was clear. Adora could always tell when Catra was frustrated. The way she'd press her hands together, almost trying to crush the nagging sensation between them. Her ears twitching slightly as her eyes tried to show neutrality. 

Adora swallowed a breath. "...I think I might have gotten Shadow Weaver killed...I--we...angered most of the Force Captains in the Fright Zone. They didn't trust me or her...not after all the things I did to Octavia and Vultak..."

"Wait...Octavia? What did you do to her?"

"I beat her nearly half to death with a barbell and snapped her arm in front of every high ranking officer in the Fright Zone."

Catra's face twisted into a grimace. "Woah, Adora..."

Adora dipped her head and looked away. "I'm not proud of it okay...anyway...They're pissed, Octavia, Vultak, Grizzlor, and every officer loyal to Hordak are just waiting for a moment to strike Shadow Weaver...now with her attack dog gone...god I'm so scared she's already dead..."

"So what? She's dead. Who fucking cares?" Catra said coldly. Her fang dug into her bottom lip. "Let Grizzlor rip her to pieces, why should that witch be either of our problems?"

"Because I pledged my loyalty to her! To the Horde! To order! And letting her die because I wasn't there to protect isn't something I'm willing to do!" Adora shouted, tears streaming down her cheek. 

Catra stiffened. "Shut up...shut up. Where was the loyalty when you watched her stab lightening under my skin? Where was MY protection, Adora?!"

"I--I tried to talk to her..."

"Talk...talk is cheap, Adora. ACTION! ACTION is what I needed when she hit me! Action was what I needed when she nearly drowned me because I cried about taking a shower around other people!" Catra folded in on herself. "Where were you then?..."

Adora felt a buzz growing in her skull. It was familiar. "...She said--she said she'd kill you...if--if I said too much. Tired to plead your case too much...I was so scared if--" The buzzing became a slow piercing whine in the base of Adora's skull. "if I said too much--did too much...she'd kill you..."

Catra looked at Adora a moment, her hurt dulling as she watched Adora softly weep. "We could have gone together...After Thaymor...why'd you just run back to her? You ran back to her after everything she put us through..."

"I thought you were like Hordak, corrupted....tricked by Princess magic...I thought you were a helpless victim...but by a hand I didn't know...god...I feel so stupid...." Adora slammed her hand hard against her head. 

"Stop that! Hey!" Catra jumped to her feet. "Don't you fucking hit yourself, Adora! Stop it!"

Adora dug her fingers into her scalp a moment and let her hand drop to her side. "Sorry..."

Catra's face softened. "Yeah well...I don't like seeing you do that shit to yourself..." Catra took a slow pace in front of the barrier, her tail swishing. "...so Shadow Weaver is really in trouble huh?" Adora gave a firm nod. "Oh man if she was killed who would run the Horde? Grizzlor? Lonnie?! I mean it sounds like a real mess.."

The buzzing was swirling in her skull. Another impulse grew in Adora. A small smile came to her lips. Adora shot up and stood close to the barrier. "Let's kill her!"

Catra stopped in her tracks and turned back around sharply to look at Adora. "...What?"

"Let's kill Shadow Weaver and take her place! We could run the Horde together! Rule Etheria together like we always planned!" Adora chest filled with the warm tingling of possibility. "Yeah! It'd be simple! I take you back, pretend you've reformed your ways, lull her into a sense of security! Then when she lets her guard down, her attention on you, I could twist her head off in my hands and you'll be free and I'll be free and the Horde would be ours!"

"Adora.."

"The other Force Captains are already afraid of me! Plus you're She-ra's vessel! The power you have would be able to do so much good! You could snap people in line with just a look! Imagine it! I mean who would be a better option?! You said it yourself! The Horde would be a mess! It would be so easy!"

"Adora no..."

Adora pressed her face against the barrier without thinking. The tingling, stinging pain grew. "It would be so easy, Catra...You wouldn't have to kill her...I will. Let me do this for you..."

It was then the door clicked open and a guard, presumably Devlin, entered and took her post. Catra looked back at her, sighed, and turned back to Adora. "Take your face off the barrier, Adora."

Adora let the pain pulse through her a moment before pulling back and slowly sitting cross legged on her bed. She looked up at Catra. The cat woman's expression was stuck between confusion and forced aloofness. Adora strove to catch the little in-between expressions in Catra's face. They were the moments that really let you know how Catra felt. 

"Let me do this for you." Adora whispered. 

"No." Catra said flatly. "I'm not discussing this...it's not--I'm sorry Adora..."

"We made a promise." Adora spat.

Catra took a moment and turned toward the door before looking over her shoulder. "I know. And I'm trying to keep it. I'll talk to you tomorrow morning..."

Catra turned back and headed out the door. Adora let out a pained shout and curled in on herself and wept loudly, until she fell asleep.


	19. Chapter 19

The heavy deep blue darkness of Adora's room filled with a sudden and brief flash of pink as Adora laid, her back to the door. She had been laying there just stewing, unable to sleep after Catra left. Stupid stubborn Catra. Why wouldn't she see reason? It would be so perfect! Just the two of them ruling Etheria together, with Shadow Weaver's head on a pike. 

Adora felt Glimmer's stare. The princess was obvious in everything she does, so of course when she wants to quietly, discretely watch her prisoner she just bursts into the room with a bright pink light show and twinkling noises. Obvious, stupid, arrogant princesses. 

She heard Glimmer's boots softly pace in front of the barrier. Adora gave up on pretending to be asleep and slowly rolled over to watch Glimmer's concerned face as she strode back and forth, seemingly not aware Adora was watching her. 

"What do you want?" Adora finally asked. 

Glimmer let out a little yelp of surprise before stopping in her tracks. She looked down at Adora. The surprise on her face was quickly replaced with a look of anger. She took a step toward the barrier, pointing her finger at Adora. "You're hurting Catra just by being here, you know that right?"

Adora sat up and just looked up at the shimmery pastel princess a moment. Then she let out a small chuckle. "What do you want from me, princess, you're the one who brought me here..."

Glimmer groaned. "Yeah well, what else was I supposed to do? Have Bow leave you tethered to a tree in the middle of the Whispering Woods?"

"Leaving me to die sounds like a rebel move. Get rid of an enemy without getting your hands dirty..."

Glimmer let out a low frustrated growl. "Ugggh. So do you ever say anything that isn't parroting Horde propaganda?! I've come across the stupid pamphlets or handbooks or whatever you people call them, out in the field. It's all nonsense lies!"

Adora just stared. Glimmer huffed and kept talking. "But it's not about that! What have you been saying to her? After she came out of here last, she came into my room and just looked so sad and hurt...You don't get to keep hurting her!"

"She hurt me first..."

"So?! What does that matter?! That woman is trying so damn hard! She is! When she first got here she was so scared. So...lost...She threw herself into being She-Ra but everything else has been has been so hard! She's my friend and seeing her hurt like that...it feels like its the first night she was here all over again..." Glimmer sighed. "Adora...what have you been saying to her?"

Adora furrowed her brow. Did Catra really not say anything? She didn't think she would willingly, but knowing she wasn't forced to tell the princesses every detail even after assuring Adora was still surprising. "She hasn't told you?..."

"No." Glimmer turned away slightly. "She told me she promised you she wouldn't say anything. Believe me, I tried everything to get her to tell me. Bow told me I was being inconsiderate..." Adora leaned back a bit. This either was Glimmer playing some long mind game or she legitimately was in the dark and concerned. "But, I mean...You're an enemy officer! We can't keep letting Catra hide the things you tell her from us! So I figured we...could talk?"

Adora let out a loud laugh. "Oh...no. No. nope. not happening..." Adora plopped flat onto the bed, and rolled to face away from Glimmer. "I told the queen everything last night! Against my will! So I think I'm good. I have nothing more to tell you people. Either leave or shut up so I can sleep..."

Glimmer let out a faint growl. "Listen! That girl means a lot to me, so, either tell me or I'll fucking beat it out of you!"

Adora bolted up and quickly made her way to the barrier. The buzzing in her skull had roared to life. A crooked grin slipped onto Adora's lips. "Try it, princess."

"I would love to." Glimmer answered, her face scrunched up in anger. Adora wiggled her fingers, inviting Glimmer to come at her. Goading her. Glimmer looked back at the guard, then back to Adora. Suddenly Glimmer blinked away. 

Adora relaxed her position for a second, before, suddenly a flash of light came from inside the barrier. Glimmer appeared and pushed Adora onto her bed and then sent a punch downward at her. She made contact, her knuckles clipping off of Adora's jaw. 

Quickly Glimmer leapt off the bed and stood stark still against the barrier. The guard shouted out. "Princess! What are you doing?"

"I'm fine! Just let me do this!" She shouted at the guard. She eventually relented but stood at the ready with her spear in hand. Glimmer turned her attention back to Adora who was just laying flat on the bed and running a hand along her jaw. 

"...Are you the enforcer?..." Adora said, her eye turned to Glimmer. 

Glimmer's face wrinkled in confusion. "Enforcer? N-no! What are you talking about?..."

"You're going to strong arm me into talking. I've been expecting it, but I didn't think it'd be you..."

Glimmer's posture shifted. The righteous anger was shifting to defensiveness. "You're just being paranoid! We don't have those here!"

Adora slowly sat up and turned her body to Glimmer. "Keep telling yourself that. I knew the rebellion was destructive but I didn't think you were delusional."

Glimmer seethed. "You're a fucking fanatic of a fascist warlord....you have no fucking right to judge me."

Adora clenched her fists, the air pockets popping in her knuckles. A fascist warlord? He was a role model, a teacher, a wise and diligent leader. He craved order and justice. His Horde was her home. Her family.

...and she shattered it...

Suddenly Adora was weeping. Sobbing. Banging at her head trying to make the tears stop but she couldn't. Glimmer's stance softened as she grew more and more concerned. She lifted her hand hesitantly toward Adora. "Hey...stop crying. This isn't how this was supposed to go...I'm sorry..." 

"You don't get to talk about Hordak that way! You don't! You don't know the Horde. You don't! Y--you....." Adora curled in on herself, her hand grabbing her head as she shook with tears. 

Glimmer dropped her hand, sensing touching Adora now would probably be a bad idea. She took a moment, looking down at the ground, trying not to stare at Adora sob. "Adora I'm sorry. I don't know what is going on with you. I despise your cause. But I know you mean something to Catra so I'm going to tell you this. Refusing to accept the fact that you're being hurt doesn't make the hurt not exist. I don't know if it's Hordak or whoever...the whole fright zone....but don't just stand there and fucking take it because you think you have to."

Adora's sobbing slowed a bit. Glimmer turned back to face Adora moment before raising her chin and pointing a finger to it. "I owe you a free punch. I hit you while you were locked in here. It was unfair and stupid." She tapped her chin. "So take your shot."

Adora raised her eyebrow, tears still soaking her face. "Really?"

"Yeah. It seems fair, I think. "

Adora gave a weak shrug, stood and wound back. She sent her knuckles right across Glimmer's cheek sending her flopping onto the bed. "Owww. Fuck.." Glimmer let out as she slowly lifted herself up and staggered back to her feet. A giant red mark already formed at the impact area. 

"You're still fun to hit, Princess." Adora said, a weak smile on her face. 

Glimmer rubbed her cheek. "Yeah well, hitting you isn't half bad either." Glimmer let out a little chuckle. "Look...can we not tell Catra about this? I don't think it looks good for either of us..."

"Fine." Adora sat back down. "I want another chance to hit you though..."

Glimmer smirked. "I'm sure we'll be provided with plenty of opportunities." 

With that Glimmer was gone in a flash. Adora rubbed her jaw a bit and then looked at the guard taking in all she saw just sort of try and pretend it was a normal quiet night and just returned to her post. 

"Is the princess always like that?" Adora found herself asking. 

The guard gave a little nod and shrug. Adora looked back down at her own hands a moment before laying back in bed.


	20. Chapter 20

Adora awoke the next morning anticipating another visit from Catra. She assumed she'd be the one bringing her next meal. But instead, Adora found the sorceress being being let in and sitting in the chair in front of her. Adora had barely woken up and taken a swig of water before she strode in, her long robes, decadent and uselessly ornate. 

The woman looked down at Adora with her dark eyes. It felt like she was measuring up Adora, like when junior cadets had to report for inspection if they were written up for too many demerits. Picking apart every little hitch in a stance, looking at every poorly healed broken bone. Needling out every little weakness. Each imperfection. 

"Hello Adora. " She suddenly said. "We met the other night. I put the truth spell on you."

"I remember you." Adora answered flatly. 

"My name is Castaspella. I'm head Sorceress of Mystacor. Though I'm not really here in that capacity."

"Oh?"

"No. I um....Catra has told me about how you two grew up in the Horde together....And the name Shadow Weaver came up." Adora's brow furrowed.

"What about her?..." Adora dropped her eye to her hands. 

"She raised you and Catra, correct?" Adora gave a hesitant nod. "What was that like?"

Adora gripped her Brightmoon issued tunic and closed her eye. "Hard. Normal. Normal hard, you know...What does it matter?! What do you want, witch?"

"When I was little, my brother, the late King Micah..." Casta's neutral mask slipped a moment and her eyes grew wistful. "When I was little, Micah was Shadow Weaver's greatest pupil. Well, she was still known as Light Spinner then....He was her shinning star. She put so much pressure on poor Micah. The way she'd speak to him....She assumed I was too ignorant or moronic to know what they were talking about when I watched their private lessons...but I heard every word." 

Castaspella gripped the end of her long sleeves and clutched them in her fingers. "How the whole future of magic rested with him. How he was already greater than any of the masters in Mystacor....How it was because of her. Because SHE guided him. Pushed him. He OWED her. How he was useless without her... He was a golden child and people hated him for it. But every day, I had to watch him come home and break down because he was so certain he wasn't good enough...He couldn't be perfect, like she wanted him to be. "

Adora was shaking. She didn't know why. Casta continued. "...Until the spell of Obtainment turned her into a magical leech and she ran off to the Horde to seek power. Because that's what she always wants. Power. Power over magic. Power over my brother...power over you..."

She slowly stood. Adora pawed at her eye wiping away tears as her limbs shook uncontrollably. "Adora? Look at me?"

Adora wiped at her eye more and slowly rose her head to look up at the sorceress. A small kind smile greeted her. "Once he was rid of her, he grew so much. He became so happy. I think you can too, Adora."

Adora let of a little raspy exhale. "Wh--what if she never goes away?"

"She will." Casta said making her way toward the door. She gave a small smile."I'll make sure of it." As she reached the door she leaned back over shoulder. "Oh! If you're cold let me know! I could knit you a sweater!" 

And with that she was gone as quickly as she came. Adora just slowly panted, overwhelmed and confused. She laid back on the bed and pulled her eye shut hard. 

* * * * * *

Catra made her way into Adora's holding room in the mid morning, carrying her food tray. She set it gently on a table by the barrier. Adora looked at the bowl of those good small fruits she had yesterday, and her stomach growled a bit. 

"Hey Adora." Catra gave a tired smile. The barrier lowered and Adora grabbed her tray and watched the barrier close again. Adora sat down with it on her bed and began eating the large mess of fruit. "I noticed you really liked the grapes the last time." Catra's fang dipped below her lip a little as her mouth rested into a slight smile. 

"Thank you." Adora said quietly, half chewed fruit stuffed to the corner of her cheek. Catra narrowed her eyes as she looked down at her, her tail doing the little lashing motion it did when she was concerned. "What?"

"I see you and Glimmer some how managed to punch each other!"

Adora reached to her obviously bruised jaw before quickly freezing and dropping her hand back down. "I don't know what you're talking about..."

"Adora." 

"....She hit me first..." Adora mumbled.

Catra sighed and plopped onto the chair. She ran her fingers through her mane a moment. It was wild and messy. She fiddled with her mask a moment before letting out a deep breath and closing her eyes. "Okay...well clearly Sparkles and I need to have a conversation about lying to my face...But that's neither here nor there...Are you okay?"

Adora crushed a grape between her teeth and then gave a nod. "We settled it last night. She's annoying but reasonable when she's not being frustrating." That got a small laugh out of Catra. Adora swallowed and then stared at the corner. "That sorceress came and spoke to me this morning."

"Castaspella?...she did?" Adora gave another nod. "Why?"

"She said I was like her brother. That Shadow Weaver treated him like she treats me..."

Catra just stared at her, trying to hide the shock on her face, even if she knew Adora wasn't looking at her. "What do you feel about that?" She asked. 

"I don't know. It's strange...Knowing she had done it to other kids. I mean I know she had a whole barracks full, but...She raised US specifically. I knew she told me I was special. I was powerful. That I was destined for greatness..."

Catra let out a small uneven sigh as she folded into herself a little, holding her arms. "Yeah I've heard her say that to you once or twice...."

Adora looked up at Catra, her dull blue eye piecing her. "It's fucking exhausting, Catra. I'm so tired. All the time. My bones ache. My muscles ache. My mind...isn't right. I know it isn't. I can remember when I was better. But it feels like a lifetime ago..." Adora ran her fingers through her hair furiously. "My brain feels like mush. All I seem to be built to do is destroy! And I can't take it anymore...."

Adora expected tears but instead she found herself staring at Catra with her pulse pounding in her ears. She felt wild. She didn't know what she was even talking about anymore. Just rambling, trying to understand her own swirling thoughts. 

"...I just--I just want my brain to stop." Adora says quietly. She drops her head into her hands and just shakes a bit. "Ca-Catra...I'm no good anymore..."

Catra turned to the guard. "Please lower the barrier so i can go in please?" she said quietly. The guard gave a slow nod and came up behind Catra with spear in hand before lowering it enough for Catra to slip in before closing it behind her. 

Catra wrapped Adora up in her arms. Adora continued to shake as she slowly slumped into her embrace. "Shhhh. You're plenty good. So so so good." Catra combed her fingers softly through Adora's hair. 

"I want to kill her so bad..." Adora mumbled into Catra's chest. 

"Me too." Catra answered quietly. Adora finally felt a wave of tears coming and simply sobbed them into Catra's fur. Catra just kept giving slow, gentle touches along Adora's scalp. 

"She took my eye because I told her I was thought about running away..." Adora suddenly said softly. Catra looked down at her, still working her fingers through Adora's soft blonde hair. "In Thaymor, Hordak's blood on my hands was all I could think about...until I saw you...Saw She-Ra...You begged me to come with you...but I just saw princess magic wearing your face. I was so confused. So scared. But seeing her again...scared me even more. On the transport back to the Fright Zone I just grew more and more scared...Why should I be so afraid to go back home?...

"But when she commanded me to meet her in the Black Garnet chamber... I was such an idiot. I actually told her how I felt. Told her how scared and conflicted I was. How I didn't know if I could keep fighting, knowing what I'd done. And...She was...sweet?"

"Sweet?" Catra let out a little scoff. 

"Yeah...I should have--I knew it was weird. It's that weird sweetness she has when you know, she's mad about something. Sometimes it was because of something I did-- or didn't do...sometimes it was for no reason at all...but I knew how mad she was. 

"Then she got real close. Told me I wasn't perfect like she had hoped. That I was to pay for even thinking of running away from the mess I caused...and suddenly--god it hurt so much...." Adora began to heave and shake with tears. "She used her magic to dig into my head and rip out my eye...And--and just told me to remember who I was...What she allowed me to be. " Adora clenched Catra's shirt in her hand.

"I'm here. It's okay. I'm here." Catra whispered softly. 

"Why can't I do anything right?..." Adora spat out, through choking tears. 

"Shhh. Shhhhh." Catra ran her hand in soft circles on Adora's back. "None of that, okay? Don't let her make you feel like shit...You don't deserve--didn't deserve that." Catra gently held Adora's shoulders and looked at her in the eye. "You deserve to get better."

Adora turned her eye away. "I owe her too much..."

"Fuck her! I hope she's being pushed down every flight of stairs in the Fright Zone." Adora let out a little laugh. Catra pushed a stray strand of hair out from in front of Adora's eye, and gently tucked it behind her ear. Adora just kept looking forward, smiling. Catra let herself get lost a moment. "If I asked you to talk to someone would you?"

Adora's brow scrunched as her smile fell. "Who?"

"She's someone I talk to sometimes. Well we also meditate and stuff...but that doesn't sound like your thing....I mean unless you wanted to try it?" Catra shook her head a little, trying to scramble back to what she was meant to be talking about. "Anyway...I talk to her sometimes. After...the prom..." Adora looked away. " ...She offered to sit with me and just...talk...about whatever. My feelings from nearly dying...all the times i was half dead and you nursed me back, discreetly and quietly until Shadow Weaver had to let me keep living...My fears about having Etheria's fate on my shoulders. Responsibility is a bitch." Catra chuckled. "I mean it's been one or two days a week for a of couple months now. Just talking. And it's been...nice. I dunno. ..." Catra shrugged. "I thought maybe it might be helpful for you too?"

Adora thought for a moment then gave a weak nod. "But I won't betray the Horde...I just--I just don't have many options left..." Adora mumbled. 

Catra gave a little grin. "Good. I'll send her in this afternoon. She's already been visiting for diplomatic reasons but she said she'd be more than happy to help!" Catra pulled Adora in for a gentle hug. One Adora tiredly returned. Catra slowly slid off the bed and gave the guard a sign to open the field. After she slipped through she turned on her heel to face Adora again. "Heads up, she's a little...much." Catra shouted back as she made her way past the guard and out the door. "Later Adora!"

"Later Catra..."


	21. Chapter 21

Adora's head was swimming. Her morning was very intense. She had done nothing but softly cry until they brought her her lunch. It was some thing with meat and leafy stuff between pieces of bread. She had left the filling and just ate the bread. She could feel her nerves swirling in her body, thinking about talking to some rebel stranger about her feelings. 

She had to focus. Focus had been hard for a long time. She used to have such clear precision and mental stamina. But that felt drained by the last how many months of slowly unraveling. 

Her eyelid started to droop as it slowly became mid-afternoon. Suddenly the door opened and a tall, slender blonde woman came in carrying cups on a tray. She had a big bright smile on her face. It made Adora uneasy. 

"Good afternoon, Adora! My name is Perfuma!" She beamed. Adora sat cross legged in the middle of the bed and just stared at her a moment. "I brought some tea! would you like some?" Perfuma lifted the tray a little, and Adora gave a small nod.

"Wonderful!" Perfuma let out a little giggle, took a cup and saucer and set it on the floor next to the chair before bringing the tray over to the the barrier. Adora slowly slid over to her and took it. 

Adora sat on the edge of the bed, and stared down at the steaming cup. She looked at it confused. It had this tannish color, not like the nearly black shade of the stuff Scorpia had made her. "This is tea?" Adora mumbled. 

Perfuma sat on the chair daintily and carefully grabbed her saucer and teacup off the ground. "Yes! It's a Chamomile!"

"It doesn't look like the sort of tea I had before...it's lighter..."

"I'm surprised they have tea in the Fright Zone..."

"I mean I guess we do. We're not supposed to...I only had it because Scorpia made it for me..." Adora slowly sipped the tea hesitantly. The taste was odd but not unpleasant. Mostly she just liked having something to do with her hands. 

"Oh! How wonderful! A friend made you tea?" Adora nodded. "I find tea to be such a delightful thing! The harvesting and drying the leaves, the brewing process, and of course just sitting down with something warm and cozy. It all can be very therapeutic!" Adora just stared at her. "Though, I wonder...are you allowed to do things for your own comfort in the Horde?"

Adora let out a scoff. "Comfort? No. I mean, Force Captains have private quarters and first pick of rations. That's all the comfort we're allowed... all we need." Adora ran her thumb against the side of the cup's handle. "I need to know, before we keep going...Why are you talking to me?"

"Well, Catra mentioned you were having a difficult time, and asked if I could speak with you. I'm here to talk about whatever you'd like. No judgement. No one will know what you say but me, and you...and well that one guard, I guess. But regardless, it can be about anything! It can be worries, or concerns, um...any complaints about your treatment... I mean we want to make sure you feel safe. I want to make sure you're safe."

Adora thought for a moment. "No it's been fine...I want to go home obviously, but aside from a thing with me and Glimmer, it's been okay..."

Perfuma let out a little hum. "Glimmer can be...excitable." She giggled quietly before sipping her tea. 

"Yeah..."

"You know, Catra and Glimmer are a lot alike..." Perfuma said warmly. "Strong-willed, cunning, brash...When I first met Catra she was very standoffish. Prickly... But, right away she showed herself to be determined. And stubborn. But, so very brave..."

"She always was the brave one..." Adora said quietly. 

"Oh! What was she like growing up?...if you don't mind, my asking?"

"Well, she was silly, and funny..." Adora said, growing lost in her memory. "She was competitive and hotheaded. She wouldn't take any shit from anyone. She could be vicious, and mean...but when we were alone...she was so soft, and kind...Even when her words didn't sound kind to other people...I knew...she knew what they meant...."

Perfuma gave a gentle nod. "When you see enough facets to a person, its hard to see them without that dimension again. See what makes them shine." Adora took another sip of her tea. "How would you describe yourself when you were a kid?"

"Um...I don't know. When I was little I would get into fights. Before Catra, I mean." Perfuma looked at her and gave a gentle encouraging nod. " I was only four or five years old when I met her. But then I had someone to talk to. Who would talk to me...Before that I was always just around Shadow Weaver...When she would send me to be near the other orphans they wouldn't talk to me....Then I was put into the general population barracks in the academy and suddenly all those kids were there all day and night not talking to me....so I got mean and loud. Especially to the older kids. I demanded they look at me. I was better than all of them...So I hit them...

"But then Catra came! And she talked to me! Listened to me when I talked. Wanted to do all the weird reckless things I wanted to do too! I spent every moment I could with her...and of course I still got into fights. But now they were protecting her. It was my responsibility to look after her...Shadow Weaver told me as much...Catra got the reputation as the trouble maker, but, I was the one that pushed things. Was just a touch too competitive, too reckless. I wasn't the one that paid when we got in trouble...not really. My punishment was knowing Catra was being hurt and it was nothing compared to what she did to her..."

Perfuma hummed sadly. "What did Shadow Weaver say to you?"

"What?" Adora's eye was wet. 

"When you were little, what would she say to you?"

Adora gripped her teacup firmly in her hands. "Uh...Normal commanding officer stuff. Insisting I followed instructions, making sure I was prepared to lead...When I was really small she would just hold my face and tell me over and over how much power I had. How I was so lucky she was the one to find me. To save me..." Adora gave a weak shrug. "I mean turns out I was really good at training, at fighting--sparring. I put all my focus into becoming the best, and as I got better, the kids started talking to me...another reason to dedicate myself to my cause. To my training. I had to be the responsible one...

"And Catra became a responsibility. I never--I never would hold it against her. I only wanted Catra to be Catra...But, if I wasn't fast enough--if she wasn't fast enough-- at an exercise I knew she'd be dragged into Shadow Weaver's quarters and come back hours later bloody and sobbing. It was my job to make sure that didn't keep happening. I pushed her, pushed myself...And she still got pulled into that woman's clutches..." Adora sobbed hard. She had hoped her morning had zapped all the tears from her, but she was wrong. A stream of tears flowed down her cheek. 

"That's alright. You can take a moment if you need to. Take a few deep breaths." Perfuma said softly. The small brightness in her eyes was so comforting. "In and out." She gestured with her free hand, guiding Adora gently as she tried to calm herself. 

Adora let out the last of her long breaths and then sat and stared at her tea rippling a bit in the cup. "...can we stop talking about Shadow Weaver?..."

"Of course." Perfuma said simply. "We can talk about whatever you want to. This is for you to express yourself and let out the pent up thoughts and concerns you have. I'm just hear to guide you and give my own perspective and thoughts on what you say. And ultimately help you. That's all I want. To help Adora." Her expression was so soft and kind it felt like it sort of hurt Adora a little to look at it. 

"...Okay..."

"Is there anything in particular that YOU have been wanting to let out? Some thought or feeling or fear you felt has been nagging at you?"

"Um--oh god...You're going to hate me..." Adora said, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. 

"I promise I won't."

Adora let out a soft growl. "If you promise me something, you HAVE to mean it."

Perfuma looked at Adora for a moment. Her smile became a small firm line and her face became serious. "I promise you I won't hate you if you tell me."

Adora let out a soft sigh and put her teacup back on the tray. "Okay...I've been..enjoying hurting people. I feel like shit after. But when the drive is in me to do something...anything... I just want to break things. I push fights too far. I find old bullies and hit them until they're barely breathing..." Adora shutters from wild nerves vibrating up and down her chest. "I killed someone...with my bare hands. I--I can't come back from that. Right?! Especially with all the shit I did after! I was raised to be perfect, but I'm wearing down to nothing...I'm so broken..." Adora dropped her head in her hands and sobbed. 

"Adora. You are not broken. You are a human being with feelings and flaws. Mistakes or poor choices can be rectified. Wounds can heal. You can heal. You deserve to heal."

Adora's head shot up from her hands. "I killed someone! How do I deserve anything!? It wasn't in combat you know! I killed one of my own people! And I was prepared to kill Catra! TWICE! I'm worthless trash! I don't deserve shit!"

Perfuma put up her hand, and furrowed her brows. "No. None of that. Stop it. You don't get to be like that. No bad talking Adora. I won't allow it." Adora clenched her teeth and just stared at her. Perfuma put her cup down on the ground and tented her fingers. "I promised you I wouldn't hate you. I don't. See? I don't think you're trash or worthless. I don't know the specifics, and you don't need to tell me, but I know you have the strength to crawl out of this and get better."

"What if I'm not worth it? Why of all the people in the world do I get to get better?"

Perfuma shrugged. "Everyone should get the chance, but not everyone does. You do. Opportunity isn't distributed equally, I'm afraid...but you have an opportunity now. Take it. Let yourself see a future where you feel like yourself again."

Adora dropped her eye to the ground. Perfuma leaned down and grabbed her cup and took a slow sip, watching Adora. "Can you make me a promise?"

Adora looked up at her. "A promise?"

Perfuma smiled brightly. "Yes! A promise. I kept mine. Maybe you'll keep yours." Adora gave a nod. "I want you to promise me you'll let yourself want to get better."

Adora clenched her tunic in her hands. It felt impossible. Adora sobbed and shook. Wanting to get better? Adora wasn't supposed to want anything besides the goals of The Horde. She had made commitments. She was raised to serve them. She wasn't allowed....But what good was she to anyone if she kept spiraling?

"Fine...I promise." Adora said quietly. 

Perfuma clapped her hands together. "Wonderful!" She beamed. "I'll see you in a couple of days and we can talk more?" Adora nodded. Perfuma took her empty cup off her lap. "I look forward to it. Between now and then maybe think about some things you want to discuss. I'll see about them maybe getting you a journal and some pencils in here! Maybe some books!"

"Okay..." Adora said quietly. 

"Great! I'll see you soon, Adora! Remember, when you feel like you're losing control, even, deep breaths like I showed you." Perfuma gave her usual warm smile and made her way out of the room. Adora sat a moment before picking up her, now lukewarm, tea and sipped.


	22. Chapter 22

In the morning Adora awoke to the now familiar sight of the rose tinted, magic walls that surrounded her. She let out a small sigh, adjusted her eye patch, and took a swig from her canteen of water. She pushed memories of her usual nightmares of Shadow Weaver and her own bloody hands down as she tried to prepare for what the princesses may send her way. 

Her talk with Perfuma was confusing and exhausting...and nice? She was nearly certain this wasn't some elaborate brainwashing technique and was beginning to feel like all these people were genuine. Otherwise, why go through the effort? So many people coming in, sharing a piece of themselves with her...for what aim?

Was it because she had been close to Catra? Was she the only reason she was getting this treatment instead of being sent to be lashed and beaten for information? Nothing felt right anymore. She had no barring on what even was right anymore. She desperately wanted to cling to her duty, but, In just a few days the Fright Zone has grown to feel impossibly far away. She wasn't even sure she wanted to even ever see it again...

After her usual morning routine of going to the bathroom and slowly disassociating on the toilet until asked to return to her bed, she just sat. She was too worn out to cry, too anxious to think and too fed up to try sleeping again. All she's done is sleep, cry and wait...

An hour or so after she woke up she was startled by the door opening. The queen strode in, and stood in front of her. She had a soft smile on her face. Adora found her fingers clenching the sheets of her bed. "Good morning, Adora. How are you?"

"I'm fine....why?"

"Just wondering how you were." Adora narrowed her eye. "Truly. I mean it. I wanted to talk to you."

"I don't feel like talking..." Adora really meant that. She felt like she had no more words left in her. Angella instead seemed to think she was asking for incentive. 

"Would you like to take a walk with me around the gardens? I know you must want to get out and stretch your legs, get some fresh air..."

"Why?..." Adora eyed her suspiciously. "If I'm being executed or--"

"No!" Angella's smile disappeared and was quickly replaced with a look of concern. "No. Of course not. I'm being sincere, Adora. No harm will come to you. I merely want to go for a walk with you."

The barrier opened wide enough for Adora to step out. Adora looked at the queen a moment before sliding off the bed. "Okay..."

Soon Angella and Adora were walking side-by-side through the beautifully maintained gardens of Castle Brightmoon. Adora was barefoot, the soft, cool, clay walkways that crisscrossed the grounds felt nice against her soles. Though, they were clearly told to keep their distance, nearly a dozen guards flanked them as they walked. 

"My daughter told me she...spoke with you privately the other night?"

"Yes."

"And that she struck you?"

"...yeah..." Adora dropped her head. She felt a guilt twist in her. "..bu-but it's my fault...I asked for it..."

"No. " The queen stopped and put her hands on Adora's shoulders. She flinched at the sudden contact then found herself looking up at Angella. "Regardless of what you said, she had the power in that situation and frankly abused that power. No matter how much you feel you provoked her. What she did was wrong. "

Adora hung her head again. She could still feel Angella's eyes on her. "Do not blame yourself, Adora."

"Okay." Adora said quietly. The queen began walking and Adora found her place beside her again. 

"You should expect an Apology from Glimmer this afternoon." Angella smiled warmly. Adora looked up at her. She hadn't noticed how tall the queen was. Thin, wiry, but not unfriendly looking. Adora looked back down at her feet. 

Slowly, as they walked in silence, Adora let her gaze rise. She began to survey the huge plots of colorful plants. She hadn't seen anything like them before. So many astonishing shapes and shades...she reached out and ran her fingertips along a tall thin thing with white petals. The soft, almost cloth-like texture felt so soothing. The touch of the queen's hand on her shoulder snapped her to attention. She pulled her hand away from the flower, and turned her head quickly up to look at her. 

"Can I show you something, Adora?" Adora thought for a moment and then nodded. She guided her to a row of hedges that hid a tucked away pathway. It lead to a small square clearing with flowering bushes and ivy on all sides. In the middle was a bench and a statue. 

Adora approached the statue cautiously. It was a sorcerer with a staff and a thick beard. And kind eyes. She found an inscription and read the name. "Micah?" She turned around to see the queen had sat on the bench. She gave a gentle nod. 

"My husband was the kindest person I'd ever known. And the bravest." Adora turned back to look at the statue and tried to picture what he must have been like alive. Statues can lie but the queen didn't sound like she was...But she had been told that gravestones were for the decadent and the vain. It surprised her to think, that maybe kind people could have statues too...

"The sorceress...she came and saw me yesterday--He knew Shadow Weaver?" Adora found herself running her hand against the soft stone of the statue. 

"Yes. She...mentored him in Mystacor when he was young. He didn't like to speak about her much..." Adora looked back over her shoulder, her hand resting on the stone. "He said she was exacting, and stern...The look in his eyes when he spoke of her...He said he had never been so miserable..." Angella let out a shaky sigh. "From what I've gathered her methods of teaching children haven't gotten any less severe."

"He was like me. Her favorite?"

"Oh yes. Casta told me stories about how she would fawn over him, in a most...unhealthy way. It's not right to put so much pressure on a child. To demand a child not be allowed to be a child..."

Adora let her arms drop to her side, felt her body shake. "..a child not allowed to be a child..." She mumbled to herself. She wrapped herself up in her arms. The shaking grew more intense. "Who's allowed to be a child?!" Adora shouted. She began heave breaths in and out, loudly. 

"Adora?" The queen got her feet. She reached out her hand. "It's alright. Come sit with me here?"Adora looked up the statue and slowly let her arms loosen. The shaking wasn't going away but it started to feel less like anger. It was some feeling Adora had no word for. She felt immensely lost but unsure of why. She took slow awkward steps toward the bench and plopped down. Her arms found their way back tightly around herself. The queen sat back down next to her. 

There was a still silence before the queen spoke again. "I'm so sorry Adora..." Adora just looked up at her. The queen folded her arms daintily in her lap. Her movements seemed controlled, tempered, even as her voice wavered. "This war has stolen so many things from so many of us...." Her eyes turned back to Micah. "Whether it's people we love, or parts of ourselves that we never got to know, those things are gone...And gods does it hurt. It never feels like it'll stop hurting." 

Adora watched Angella's eyes water. She let out a shaky breath and looked back down at Adora. "And hurt can do a lot...it can drive us to be cruel, to want to punish the world because we're hurt. And it may feel right, or it may feel righteous but its too easy. Too simple. Turning your hurt into armor, hurting others so they know how you feel...its the easy choice. The hard choice, the noble choice, is deciding to let your hurt make you kind. Make you understanding. Make you...human. And what really is difficult is knowing each and every morning you're going to have to wake up and make that choice again..."

Adora didn't realize she was crying until her hand was wiping away tears. The shaking in her bones had settled into a tingling soreness in her gut. "Micah made the choice to be kind...I believe you can too, Adora." A sharp breath hitched out of Adora and she curled in on herself. The queen gently wrapped an arm around her, and Adora slunk into her embrace. "I believe in you, Adora." 

When they returned to her holding cell, Adora found a surprise. There was now a desk, a couple stacks of books, some loose papers and a journal, along with pencils. Adora looked up at the queen who simply smiled. "I thought, perhaps you could do with some more room and some things to help you pass the time. " Adora took a hesitant step in and then made her way to the desk. She noticed it was bolted to the floor. She ran her finger along the chair and looked down at the small, pale red journal. "I also understand Princess Perfuma has suggested journaling?"

Adora looked up. "What?" Angella gave a small nod to the book that had caught her eye. "Oh...is this a journal?" 

"Yes. Do you not know what a journal is?" Adora hesitated a moment and then shook her head. "Well, it's a book in which you write down your thoughts, feelings, and concerns...It's supposed to help you reflect on your day or how you're feeling. It can be...cathartic to let it out in a space where you know no one will see it. "

"No one will see it?" Adora eyed her suspiciously. 

"No." She responded firmly. 

"Hmm." Adora picked up a book and looked at it. "Mer-mystery: The Case of the Secret Igloo? What is this?"

"A book. Well that one is a mystery novel, not my cup of tea but perhaps you'll enjoy it. "

Adora looked down at the book and back up at Angella. "Do...I have to read it?"

"Adora, you don't have to do anything...If you want to read, then read. If you want to draw a silly picture go ahead and do that." Angella's tone became a bit more formal as she was beginning to make her exit. "The barrier when it's up will stop a few feet from the door. I'll make sure you get a couple hours in the garden each day. Under guard of course. I'm sure if you asked, Catra will be more than willing to accompany you. " She smiled warmly and turned and walked out of the room. 

The guard put up the barrier and shut the door. Adora spent the next several minutes just pacing the perimeter of her new larger space. She made her way to the desk and picked up the journal. She ran her fingers against the slightly waxy pages. She picked up one of the pencils and on the inside cover, wrote her name.


	23. Chapter 23

_Things to bring up to Perfuma:_

_1\. How do I know I can really trust anyone here?  
2\. Am I crazy????  
3\. How do I stop feeling so useless?  
4\. ~~Am I~~ Are my nightmares normal?  
5\. ~~Shadow weaver~~ ~~Catra left me~~ How do I stop feeling so alone?  
6\. Why do I want to hurt people so much??!  
~~7\. Hordak~~_

_I don't remember what day it is...Thursday? I left the barracks on a Saturday night...I think...I'm trying to get my bearings straight. I had siege drills with the cadets...then...I was in the woods. I remember everything...most of it...but..._

_Ugh. Writing logs is easier than this. Those at least have structure! A purpose! ~~Am I too broken~~ I don't understand any of this!_

_I want to go home...but Catra's here. She's right here. I've waited so long to feel this close to her again...even if I'm slowly realizing she left me...because she wanted to. She chose to leave...maybe I was just lying to myself before...Maybe because of...everything.._

_I wish Shadow Weaver had left me to die...I wish I could rip her to pieces with my own hands...when I'm alone that's what my mind goes back to. That and Catra..._

_She really left me...but why do I feel scared to be mad at her? I should be mad...I am mad. I know I am...but...its too confusing..._

A knock on the door startled Adora out of her writing. She turned her head to see Glimmer enter with Catra beside her. Glimmer approached the new edge of the barrier, her arms behind her back. She seemed to trying to present her most formal posture. 

"Good afternoon, Adora." Glimmer said, clearly trying to capture her mother's grace...and not quite accomplishing it. Catra was looking at Adora and giving her a huge grin. She looked toward Glimmer and back at Adora and tried to keep from chuckling. 

"Hello..." Adora responded, uncertain. 

"Hey 'Dora." Catra grinned. 

"Hi Catra." Adora couldn't help but stare at Catra. 

"Don't mind me, I'm just here to watch this with my own two eyes." Adora laughed softly as she watched Catra smugly smile at Glimmer. The princess looked over her shoulder at Catra who quickly dropped her smile and pretended to be picking at her nails. 

Glimmer loudly cleared her throat and closed her eyes. "I, Princess Glimmer of Brightmoon, Commander of the Princess Alliance, do formally apologize to you for my...uncalled for actions the other night. They were gross and unbecoming of my rank and title." She gave a little bow and then let out a sigh. "There. I did it. Can I leave?"

Catra chuckled loudly. "Oh my god I am so glad I got to see that! Sparkles! Your face!...You look so red..."

"Shut up!" Glimmer slapped at Catra lightly before crossing her arms in a huff. "Do you accept it?" 

Suddenly it hit Adora that she was talking to her again. "Oh! Yeah sure...I was okay with it after you let me punch you back. It's fine. Don't worry about it." Adora turned her eye back on Catra who's smile was now more soft and warm. In that moment Adora desperately wanted to rest her face in her fur. 

Catra brushed past Glimmer, bumping into her shoulder. "Ow." Glimmer sent a glare Catra's way as she lazily rubbed where Catra bumped her. Catra gave her a smirk and the princess stuck out her tongue at her. 

Adora recognized the body language. She despised it. She felt her head buzz a moment and then tried to focus on Catra. She was saying something. 

"--ora. Was your talk with her okay?"

"...who?" Adora asked weakly. 

Catra took a moment to look at Adora. Her smiled didn't falter even as her eyes seemed worried. "Perfuma, Adora. How was your talk?"

"Oh. Fine. I think she talked the queen into giving me books and things. She said I should write things down in a 'journal'..." Adora sighed. "I think I'm doing it wrong.."

"Ugh. You can't do a journal wrong. You just write in it. Not hard." Glimmer said, condescension dripping in her voice. Oh right. She was still here. Adora furrowed her brow and looked at her. Stupid pink pretty princess. Catra belonged to her...

Breathe deep. In...and out. In...and out. 

Adora followed the breathing method Perfuma showed her the day before. The two on the other side of the barrier just looked at her a moment. To them she probably seemed unwell. Breaking down into little breathing exercises at seemingly nothing. 

She finished her breaths and folded her hands in her lap. "...sorry..." Adora mumbled. "I accepted your apology, is there something else you needed?" Adora kept her eye firmly on the ground. 

"It's okay, Adora. It's fine. Right, Glimmer?" Catra elbowed Glimmer in the ribs. 

"Oww!" Glimmer sent a glare Catra's way and Catra gave one in return. "Yeah it's fine. I didn't need anything else. Uh...I'll leave I guess."

Adora just looked at her. Her single pale blue eye trying to burn through Glimmer. She took the hint and the stubborn frustration on her face became a look of confusion before she disappeared in a cloud of pink sparkles. 

The room was quiet for a moment before Adora turned her eye back to her journal. "I hate her." Adora said plainly. 

Catra frowned. "Why? You seemed okay with her yesterday. Remember? When you tried to pretend being punched in captivity wasn't a big deal?"

Adora let out a sigh. "Well she's annoying today and I hate her again." Adora crossed her arms in front of her chest. "...you keep flirting with her...it makes me mad..."

Catra's grin was wide and insufferable. "Does it now?" Adora, flustered, grabbed her pencil and started desperately trying to look like she was lost in some important thought she had to jot on the page. She heard the sound of wood being dragged across the floor and looked up to see Catra sit down, backwards in the chair, and drape her arms over the chair's back. "Hey, Adora."

Adora huffed. "Shut up." Adora continued writing in her journal, now actually taking time to think before she added to the page, writing 'I'm jealous of Glimmer and it's frustrating and I get violent thoughts when I get jealous' under her first entree. 

"The journaling helping?" 

"I don't know...I only just started." Adora answered, frustration clear in her tone. 

Catra's face softened. She felt so different than in the Fright Zone. But...not unfamiliar. She was her, but...freer. She both hated and loved it. "I'm proud of you, Adora." 

Adora's chest tightened. She was certain her face was flushed red. 

"Th-thank you..." Was all Adora managed to get out. She placed the journal down on her lap and looked down at her hands. She looked at the scars crisscross her knuckles and spiderweb up her wrists for a long moment. "Why?"

Catra leaned back a bit and straightened up. "You're trying. I mean I know when you decide something is worth doing you put every bit of yourself into it. That drive...it's annoying." She laughed a little. "But it's nice to see you use it to make yourself get better, feel better, instead of watching you...I dunno...deplete yourself. Run yourself ragged for the wrong reasons..." She scratched her chin a little as her tail wiggled near the floor. "It's just nice seeing you..."

Adora swallowed back a lump in her throat. She could feel tears building in the corner of her eye. "...I'm so scared I'll end up letting everyone down...I'm trying to understand the position I'm in...I'm a prisoner but right now I feel more like--I don't know...I feel weak...and lost an--and..." Adora took a deep breath and held back her tears. "I don't know...I don't know what anyone wants from me..."

"You know what I want? I want you to be happy." She lifted up a claw and pointed at Adora's forehead. "And I want that Horde shit to stop living rent free in your head. "

Adora scoffed. "...I haven't defected, you know..." She held one hand in the other as she kept her gaze down. 

"I know..." Catra stood up. Her tail swayed a bit as she gave a warm smile down on Adora. "But that could change any day." She tucked her hands into her pockets, her smile not fading. "Listen...I got stuff to do the rest of today...but uh, how about I take you for a walk in the garden tomorrow?"

Adora's stomach twisted. "Uh--ye--yeah...um...sure.." Adora grinned. "I mean do I even have a choice?"

"Of course, dummy." Catra looked to the guard who knocked for the door to be opened for her. "See you after breakfast tomorrow." She gave a little wave. "Bye Adora!" The guard closed the door behind her. 

"Bye Catra..."

Adora placed her journal back on the desk. She made her way to her bed, and plopped onto it. She laid there on her back looking up at the ceiling for a moment. Then letting out a slow breath leaned over and grabbed a book off the top of a pile of books and began to read.


	24. Chapter 24

Catra came and got her the next morning, like she said she would. The guards flanked them more closely this time. Catra walked right beside her, on the side with her good eye, as they made their way through the hall toward the gardens. Adora noticed Catra's sword fastened to her waist. She-ra's sword. Then Adora felt something graze her hand, looked over and saw Catra's fingers wiggling at her's. Catra grinned without looking at her, then tickled her fingers some more. Adora smiled a moment before turning her attention back to the path in front of them. 

Without the strange sensation of walking with the queen right beside her to distract her, Adora let the beauty of the gardens soak in. The splashes of color made Adora's head spin. She took a quick glance at Catra who turned her eyes up at her, then quickly stopped, letting her hand grab Adora's, and turned back to the guards. 

"Alright, ladies, how about you give us a little distance? Stick to the perimeter and exits or something. I'll be fine with her." The eight or so guards took a moment and then followed orders, spreading out across the garden. 

Catra intertwined her fingers in Adora's and they started walking again. Adora couldn't remember the last time they held hands like this. Years? It must have been. Certainly years since they've both held hands in front of anyone. They stopped when they were ten and told with an open-handed slap that it was weakness. The memory burned in Adora's gut as she turned her eye to the flowers. 

They walked in silence for a few minutes before Adora spoke. "Wearing it today, I see..." Adora gestured her head vaguely at Catra's sword. 

Catra looked down and back up at Adora. "Yeah...I had training this morning and didn't feel like going back to my room..."

Adora turned her pale eye down at Catra. "You used to lie better Catra..." 

Catra let out a slight hiss as she seemed taken aback. "Geez...I must be rusty.." She smirked. "But, I did have training this morning. I get up like way early for it so I want to get some credit, okay?" She turned her head away, her tail wrapping around herself a little. "I was very politely, but very insistently asked to bring my sword with me..."

"Oh...." 

"Yeah. Sometimes, even I can't ignore orders..." Adora gave her a look. "It's true. Even I can push so much. But, I mean I can't complain. I always feel hotter when I have the sword. I look good wearing it. Don't you think?" Her grin was wide and obnoxious in only a way Catra could master. 

Adora squeezed Catra's hand a little and they stopped walking in front of small hedge of purple and red roses. Adora turned to Catra and leaned down close to her ear. "I do." Adora whispered. She heard Catra gulp. "And I hope you told them if I wanted to I could take that sword when you aren't looking, leaving you vulnerable and giving me a fighting chance at escape...That blood would be on their hands..." 

Adora leaned in and kissed Catra passionately, but gently. She felt Catra stiffen then slowly relax as she returned her kiss with more and more tenderness. Catra was her's. She belonged to her and her only. The princess didn't deserve her. She was Adora's. 

She suddenly became aware of the buzzing in her head and leaned back slowly. She took a few deep breaths and put her hands up in front of her, showing Catra they were empty. She smiled then started to walk again. 

Catra walked behind Adora for a few minutes. When Catra joined her side again Adora noticed she was holding the sword, sheathed, in her far hand. She reached out her near hand and Adora held it again. 

"Are we really allowed to just hold hands like this?" Adora said after a short moment. 

Catra let out a chuckle. "Fuck Adora...you do know you just kissed me right? You're worried about holding hands?"

"I don't now...What if it wasn't allowed?..." 

Catra bit her lip and looked up Adora. "What if it wasn't?" They both laughed and let their arms swing a little. Catra's tail brushed against Adora's back. 

"...What about the princess?"

"What about her?"

"What is she to you?" Adora almost whispered. 

Catra was quiet for a moment before she spoke. "My friend...and my commanding officer I guess..I will tell you Adora, the command structure of this place needs be cleaned up really badly. It's kinda a mess but we're doing our best." She laughed. Adora looked down at her and frowned. "Right...Uh...I don't know...You were gone...I was here...I've started to let myself flirt with her. Is that so bad?"

Adora let go of Catra's hand and pulled her's up to her chest and stopped walking. Adora felt her stomach sink as suddenly Scorpia's face popped into her head. The confused but gentle kiss they shared...the hours spent cleaning her wounds. She let out a long shuddering sigh and started walking again. "No. Not bad..."

Catra looked up at the moons in the sky a moment and then nudged her shoulder into Adora's. Adora nudged back without taking her eye off the path in front of her. "I think there might be something wrong with my brain..." Adora mumbled. 

"Everyone's got a little something wrong with their brains if you ask me." 

"I mean it..."

Catra sighed. "I know you do..." She held her hand out again. Adora slowly took it. "Look, the talking to Perfuma, writing down your thoughts, letting me make you laugh every once in a while--keeping you away from her-- that's to help your brain. I think you've started to realize that."

Adora smiled. "Well, I figured it was that or rebel mind control is a lot less efficient than I thought it'd be..."

Catra leaned against Adora and wrapped her tail around her waist. The cat girl let out a slow sigh. "She did a number on us...That whole place did. It still does. I--We're still fighting them..."

"I told you...I haven't defected..." Adora said quietly. 

"I know. But letting yourself open up and just..exist. That's fighting them too..." Catra rested her chin on Adora's shoulder. "I'm not going to ask you to fight for the rebellion or something. I just want you to think about just...staying..."

Adora clenched her teeth a moment. Catra was the one to leave and now she had the gall to ask her to stay? She let out a few heavy breaths and felt her body tremble. She expected her next words to be angry but when her own voice slipped past her lips she heard something different. "...I'm so scared..."

"...me too." Catra sighed and placed a kiss on Adora's cheek right below her eye patch. Adora softly hummed at the gentle affection. She leaned her head against Catra's, her ears gently rubbing against Adora's face. 

"...What if she comes for me?" 

Catra stood there a moment before running her claws gently along Adora's arm. "Then I'll kill her." Catra said matter-of-factly.


	25. Chapter 25

Falling asleep had never been easy for Adora. Since she was five years old she'd sit, eyes closed, but, body tense, jumping at every little noise or terrible 'what-if' her brain decided to tell her. But, as bad as falling asleep was for Adora, waking up was worse. She would trash and scream, shooting up prepared to defend herself, while cold sweat streaked her face. 

And sleeping alone made it so much worse. Without Catra there to hold her when she woke with a start, heaving breaths, and unsure if anything was real. She'd ground her. Calm her...but that was hadn't been the case for nearly a year. A long year, filled with new things to occupy her nightmares. 

It was always shadow. Shadow and blood. Her own hands applying righteous vengeance. Her own mouth twisted into a grin while her eye leaked tears. Of watching Shadow Weaver holding her eye between her sharp, bony talons....Catra's dead body at her feet...

Tonight was much of the same. A series of memories, fears and grisly possibility gave way to her gasping through cold sweat...except she didn't bolt upright. Instead she felt frozen. Paralyzed. Her heart pounded in her chest. Her eye darted across the room. Shadow.

Her breaths quickened. No. NO NO NO. She was here! She was here for her! The shadows were here for her! She tried to grip her sheets but felt only a slow shaking. The shadows looked at her. The shadow with eyes leaned over her bed. The room felt so cold. She was so cold.

The voice sounded like her, but so far away. It can't be real. It can't be. Please don't let this be real. She felt her chest tighten and her lungs burn. "Adoooora. My child, you've abandoned your duty." Adora felt a hot prickling pain crawl up her chest as the shadow grew nearer. Adora gasped soundlessly for air, desperate to cry out. "You've abandoned your home."

Adora felt a pressure build against her throat. She manged to leak out soft whimpers of pain as the eyes in the shadow narrowed. She felt her windpipe being clamped down. All Adora could do was cry. "You've abandoned ME!" 

Suddenly, as if with a flip of a switch, Adora could move again, and now she was screaming. She shot up straight, crying out. "CATRA! CATRA! CATRA!" She just shouted at the top of her lungs. The guard stood up and approached the barrier a moment before banging hard on the door. 

Adora tried to get out of bed but instead tumbled to the ground. Her legs felt so weak and useless. She crawled across the floor a moment before just pulling herself up into a sitting position and wrapping her arms around her knees. She just shook as she kept calling out for Catra. 

She felt arms wrapping around her. Expecting Catra, but found Angella looking down at her and running her fingers through her hair. Adora tensed and shook harder. She realized she was still calling for Catra, but the words were leaving her lips as low pleas, instead of hoarse shouts. Angella just quietly hummed.

Then, Catra was kneeling beside her. "Adora? What happened?!" Adora looked up at her through Angella's arms. Her eye was wide and as she took in Catra's gentle mismatched ones. Her hand shakily reached out and grabbed at Catra who firmly took it. 

Catra gently ran the tips of her nails of her free hand against Adora's arm, remembering the sensation helped bring her back to reality after a nightmare when they were kids. Adora just sobbed as the queen leaned back and let Catra pull her close. Adora was hazily aware of Catra's tail running against her wrist. 

"She's gone. She's gone. I promise you. She can't hurt you. I wont let her...she's not here...she's gone..." Catra softly whispered into Adora's ear. Adora just grabbed onto Catra's shirt and clenched the fabric in her fingers. 

Adora felt so small. So weak. How'd she get so weak? "I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry..." Adora just mumbled quietly. She didn't know who she was apologizing to. She just couldn't help but feel so sorry. 

"No. No. Adora..." Catra pulled away and looked at Adora. "Look at me. Please?" Adora shuddered out a shaky sob before pointing her eye up at Catra. "You have nothing to be sorry about okay?"

Adora bit into her lip hard, not sure if she was trying to draw blood but the thought of seeing her own blood made her feel some strange sort of relief. All she could do was shake her head hard, slowly sinking back into Catra's chest. "No no no...I'm bad...I'm sorry. please I'm sorry....I don't--I'm....I'm evil...and stupid....ss-stupid adora....I'm so sorry...."

"You're not evil, Adora! Stop it! Stop it...I have you..." Catra rubbed her chin against the top of Adora's head. 

"I am evil! I killed Hordak!" Adora sobbed into Catra's chest. She felt Catra's head lift from hers for a moment. Then Adora stiffened. The queen was still in the room...The air felt thick as Adora's sobs became more erratic. "No no no no no no...."

She felt Catra's pressure again. Catra pulled her nearly into her lap, and wrapped her arms around Adora and swayed. "It's okay....I'm here. You're safe. I'm here..." Catra continued whispering. It felt like home. The only private place she ever knew. A world in Catra's arms, protecting her from her mind. 

* * * * * 

After hours, seemingly, of sobbing on the floor, Catra had worked her back onto her bed. She gave Adora her canteen and asked her to drink some. She laid down next to her a moment, watching Adora take shaky sips, then whispered. "I'm going to go talk to the queen real quick, okay? I'll still be in the same room with you. Okay? I'll still be right here." Adora gave a hesitant nod and watched Catra's face leave her vision. She curled in on herself and tried to listen to Catra's voice as she talked to Angella.

"Uh...Your majesty--that new information we got...can we discuss it later? Right now...I just want to make sure Adora's safe..." Catra spoke gently but at a volume she knew Adora could hear her. Adora shifted and rubbed her legs together, slowly losing the distant numbness her breakdown left her in. 

"Certainly. The girl has been through a lot.."

"That's why I request you allow me to sleep in here tonight."

Angella let out a strange hum. "Is this for her peace of mind or yours, Catra?"

"...Both. I'm good at helping her come down from things like this. Or I was...Sh-she needs me..."

There was a brief moment of silence. "Very well. I'll have one more guard in the room outside the barrier as well. I'll talk to you and Adora in the morning. If she feels well enough." 

"Thank you, your majesty." 

"Of course."

With that, Adora heard the door open again, and the sound of the queen's footsteps leaving the room and the door shutting. Catra padded over to Adora and laid back down next to her. She looked her in the eye and pushed a strand of Adora's messy blonde hair back behind her ear, before gently running her nails along Adora's scalp. Adora closed her eye and leaned into Catra.

"Did you need more blankets or anything, 'Dora?" Catra asked quietly. Adora shook her head. 

"You're warm enough..." They sat there a moment before Adora mumbled into Catra's chest. "Do you have your sword?"

Catra ran her nails against Adora's shoulder. "Yeah. it's leaning against your desk."

"...move it closer?" Catra placed a small kiss on her forehead. 

"Okay." Catra dipped out of bed and quickly returned, leaning the sword of protection against the wall and headboard of Adora's bed. "There. Right in arm's reach." Catra wrapped her arms around Adora and purred slightly. 

"...You're purring..."

Catra chuckled. "Yeah...don't tell anyone I do that...I don't wanna ruin my reputation. Bow's already teasing me for being 'cute.'"

"You are cute...."

"Shush. Reputation, Adora!"

A small smile slipped across Adora's lips as she felt Catra's gentle warmth. She was so gentle. Adora felt delicate, but not fragile, when Catra held her like this. She felt cared for. It felt so rare. She knew deep down she didn't deserve it. She knew she would have to earn Catra's kindness. But for now she'll be selfish and let herself feel soft. 

Just for tonight.


	26. Chapter 26

Catra had her hand over Adora's as they sat on the edge of Adora's bed. The barrier was down. Angella and Bow were taking their seats on plush chairs brought in for the discussion, while Glimmer planted herself against the wall behind her empty seat. A pair of guards watched the door next to her. The princess had a very intense scowl on her face. 

Adora looked at Catra's thumb make small, gentle circles on her hand for a moment and then looked up at Angella. The rebel queen gave her a gentle smile. Adora let her eye drop to the floor. 

Angella cleared her throat and placed her arms in her lap. It was non threatening but still regal. Adora never knew such grace existed or if Angella even knew she was doing it. It was comforting somehow. She was the enemy's leader, but, Adora, despite everything, felt a warm awe around her. 

"Last evening Adora inadvertently let some information about The Horde slip that I feel must be discussed." She looked over her shoulder at Glimmer a moment. "This is not an interrogation." Glimmer's scowl grew firmer before Angella turned back to face Adora. "This is merely a conversation about what this information means and where exactly that leaves us."

Adora trembled a little as she leaned into Catra. "...Do...I have to say how it happened or?...I don't think I can do that right now..."

Angella looked down at her with kind eyes. "Of course not Adora." 

Glimmer put her hands on the back of her chair and leaned forward, glaring at Adora. "What did she say?"

The queen let a huff of air escape her lips, then spoke. "Adora claims she's killed Hordak."

"What?" Glimmer gasped. Adora hung her head and looked at the corner of the room. Catra ran small circles along Adora's back as she shuddered at hearing what she's done from someone else's mouth. 

"Hordak's...dead?" Bow asked. His voice was soaked in disbelief. He seemed to be processing the news in waves. "...wait...this is good news though, right?"

"If it's even true!" Glimmer huffed and crossed her arms. "She could be lying! Trying to come up with a bargaining chip or something! She's desperate!"

Angella turned her body to face toward Glimmer. "Bargaining chip for what exactly, Glimmer? Adora's been very cooperative all things considered. And frankly if it is true she's ki-- If it's true, then she needs sympathy not suspicion."

"What? She does one good thing and we ignore the multiple times she's tried to kill Catra?! Or the the times she's tried to kill me?! Or gods know what she's done working for the Horde that we don't even know about!"

Adora banged her fist down on her bed. "It wasn't a good thing! I killed a man!" Adora shouted. "I'm a murderer! I have to look people in the face knowing they fucking know I'm a killer! I didn't want to--I...." Catra wrapped her up in her arms as Adora cried softly.

Glimmer turned away and cast her eyes into some vague spot in room while she fumed. "Wait...when did this happen? Is that why you were in the woods?" Bow asked gently. 

Adora shook her head, sniffing back tears. "No. It was the same night Catra....left..." She felt Catra place a small reassuring kiss on top of her head. "It's been about a year...Sh--Shadow Weaver's been running things since...."

"Did Shadow Weaver ask you to do it?" Angella asked. 

Adora shook her head. "I mean...not really...Sh-she pulled me into a fight with Hordak...and by the end of it all..."

"So...If Hordak's gone why didn't any of our scouts hear about any regime change? Like, I would imagine that'd be big news anywhere under Horde control." Bow pondered, looking at Angella and back to Adora as he spoke. Adora was silent. 

"They don't know." Glimmer said, chuckling. "She covered it up." Gesturing at Adora. 

"...Not me...Shadow Weaver did. She's second in command but... not well liked." 

"Pfft. That's an understatement." Catra mumbled dryly. 

"She cleaned up everything and forced me to never tell anyone. She made me pretend like Hordak was still alive but isolating himself, working on one of his pet projects so she wouldn't have other officers challenging her." Adora let out a wet sigh, wiping her cheek. "I--I don't know if i can...if I can keep talking about this...I--um, I can't..."

"That's alright, Adora I think we got all the clarification we need." Angella stood and Bow followed suit. "Thank you for being so honest with us, Adora. Catra's volunteered to keep you company for the day, if you'd like that?" Adora nodded and Angella and Bow started to head out the door. 

"I'm going to hang back and talk with Catra and Adora." Glimmer said, still in her fuming position. Angella gave her a pointed look. "I won't do anything! Catra's She-Ra mom! Geez! I just have want to talk to them."

Angella leaned down. "Fine. But if I hear you have upset or struck that girl, there will be consequences, do you hear me, Commander?"

Glimmer furrowed her brow and stared into her mother's eyes. "Understood, your majesty." The queen stared back at her commander a moment before standing back up straight. She then lead Bow past the guards and out the door, but not before he shot Glimmer a look. 

"What do you want, Sparkles?" Catra asked, sounding already out of patience with Glimmer. 

Glimmer turned her furious purple eyes at Catra while she pointed at Adora. "She's dangerous." She said coldly.

Catra just looked at her a minute and then chuckled quietly. "Of course she's dangerous." Adora tensed in her arms, but Catra continued. "She was trained to be a soldier since she was four years old." Catra pointed a claw at herself. "So was I. I'm dangerous too. We spent twenty hours a day training, drilling and sparring. Every day. For fifteen years. You'd be surprised what I've been trained to do, Glimmer..." Catra sighed. 

The raw intensity was out of Glimmer's gaze, it was coated in a mild confusion. "...She tried to kill you, Catra." She put up two fingers. "TWICE!" 

Catra aggressively leaned forward, letting her embrace on Adora loosen but not break. She stared at Glimmer for a long moment. "If your mother ordered you to kill Adora would you do it?"

Glimmer, taken aback just shook her head, as if being hit physically by the question. "What?!"

"Answer the question."

"No! Of course not! Who do you think I am?! We're the rebellion we don't kill!" 

Catra just stared at Glimmer a moment, her face neutral. "What if your mom, the queen, your commanding officer, in no uncertain terms told you to kill her or the queen would kill you instead?"

"Wha--I don't get what...what does this have to do with anything?!" Glimmer fumed. 

"Answer the question, Glimmer." Catra said firmly. 

"No! Why do I have to play this stupid what if game?! This is about what SHE'S done! Like in real life!"

"Right. Well in real life, that wasn't a 'what if' for her. It's every fucking day in that place. If you disobey you get punished. And not a week cooped up in fucking lush palace. That place is a fucking slow grinding hell. If you refused an order you were struck. If your disobedience was considered 'flagrant' they withheld rations. Beatings, sleep deprivation, torture. All part of raising a child in the Horde. You tell me if you grew up in that place you wouldn't be fucking terrified of refusing a mission....of saying no for once in your life and wake up in an isolation cell..." Catra let out a long exhale. "Well princess...what would you choose?"

Adora looked at them both. She had no idea what to do with herself, so she simply looked down at her hands. Catra rested one of hers back on to Adora's. Glimmer looked caught off guard. Her fury has softened into a grim contemplation. She let out a sigh and then finally sat in the chair brought in for her. 

Glimmer fiddled with her hands in her lap as she looked at any place but right in front of her. "Look...I can't imagine what it must have been like growing up in a place like that...but, I just....I've lost a lot to the Horde, and I guess I should be mad at Hor--Shadow Weaver for that, n-not you...it's just I--Catra already seemed to already hate them as much I did when we met, so being around someone so...so HORDE, especially that someone being you..." She turned her shinning, sad eyes up at Adora. "...it hurt. You're the reason I almost had to watch my friend die, Adora..." Tears began to slowly make their way down Glimmer's cheeks. 

"I know..." Adora said quietly. "I see her bleeding out on the floor in my nightmares..." Catra squeezed Adora's hands. Tears filled Adora's eye. "I'm so sorry...Oh god...I'm so sorry." Adora crumbled into Catra's arms. 

The three sat in a long silence. The tension in Glimmer's body seemed to have lessened as she slouched into her seat. Suddenly the door opened and Castaspella entered and looked around the room. Her stoic demeanor dropped.

"Oh fine, Angella, DON'T tell me the right time for a meeting...again...." She huffed and let a soft smile cross her lips. "Good morning girls!" 

Adora leaned away from Catra and rushed to compose herself while the others greeted Casta. 

"Hey Aunt Casta." Glimmer said, clearly still lost in her thoughts. 

"Hi Aunt Casta!" Catra grinned as she gave a gentle wave while keeping one hand on Adora's back. 

"What's an aunt?..." Adora whispered to Catra.

She smiled. "It means the sister of one of your parents. She's Glimmer's aunt."

"...Because she's Micah's sister...." Adora mumbled. "Oh." 

Catra gave a little nuzzle under Adora's neck and then pulled back. "Don't worry, 'Dora, family stuff is weird and confusing..." All Adora could do was nod in agreement. 

"...If we end up with more Horde kids around here we might need to think about having classes or something..." Castaspella mused out loud. "Regardless! I just wanted to come by and see how you were, Adora....well that and I DID have things to say in the meeting..." Casta's expression quickly shifted again into frustration.

"What were you going to say?" Adora asked. 

Casta's smile was back. "Welll! Angella told me what happened last night and your description of what you felt. And it sounds like a case of sleep paralysis."

"What's that?" Catra asked. 

"It's basically where your your mind wakes up, but your body doesn't. You can't move but you're aware and usually...you see things...like a living nightmare...Thankfully it's temporary and usually only lasts for a few minutes at most."

Catra ran her hand up and down Adora's back sympathetically as she felt the blonde slump. Adora didn't want to think about that miserable, frightening sensation. Being so helpless...."Okay, it might be this sleep paralysis thing or....look, Shadow Weaver's magic paralysises you, keeps you in place...what Adora described sounds just like...too real..." Catra said. 

Casta looked at Adora a moment, her eyes warm, before turning back to address Catra. "I know, which is why, as a precaution, I've taken it upon myself to give the magical defenses in the castle a once over and upgrade! Emphasizing protection from dark magic of course."

"...That seems like a lot of trouble..." Adora mumbled. "You don't have to do all that work for me...I mean I'm a prisoner....and...I--I'm not worth all this effort..."

"Oh shush." Castaspella said, firmly. "None of that, Adora, dear. It's my job! Plus I told you I wouldn't let that woman get her hands on you. I still mean it." She stared at Adora a moment before clapping her hands together. "Well, I better be getting to work! Let me know if you're looking for a hobby! I'm sure it's boring in here! I could teach you to knit!"

Adora looked at Catra, confused. Catra just gave a big smirking grin. "Uh..okay?"

"Wonderful!" Casta turned to Glimmer. "See! Adora's enthusiastic to knit!"

Glimmer let out a low sigh, rubbing her temples. She looked physically weighed down by a throbbing in her skull. "Good for her, auntie...Look I gotta go think about stuff before our strategy meeting....ugh...Bye" And in a flash Glimmer was gone from the chair.

Castaspella let out a small huff. "That girl...Anyway! I'll let you get back to whatever it was you were doing!" Casta started walking back to the door and waved a hand, bringing the barrier back up behind her. "I'm holding you to that knitting time, young lady." Casta smiled as she looked at Adora. 

"Thank you Aunt Casta." Catra said, giving a warm smile. 

"Of course, dear. What are aunts for?" She said, radiating gentleness. "Well! I'm off!" She turned to the door and started walking out. "Get some sleep, Adora!" Castaspella called back over her shoulder as the guards opened the door for her.

And just like she was gone and Adora and Catra were left with just the guards again. Adora let out a long ragged breath and laid back on the bed. "Is everyday here so exhausting?"

Catra looked down at her and chuckled. "This coming from the girl that used to run ten miles after double drills."

Adora put her hand up and slapped lazily at the air in front of Catra's face. "You know what I mean...Talking about all this stuff...it's hard...I hate it."

"Yeah it sucks shit. And it's annoying, but it's also important. I tried to ignore all the weird and intense feelings being in a....normal place made me feel when I first got here. I was such a bitch..." Catra let out a small, bitter laugh. She slid back and laid next to Adora, their legs dangling off the edge of the bed. 

"I don't know if I'm strong enough..." Adora said softly.

Catra held Adora's hand and slipped her fingers between hers. "Adora you are the strongest woman I have ever known...besides...you have help..." She squeezed Adora's hand. She squeezed back. 

They both just laid there and looked at the ceiling.


	27. Chapter 27

A week after letting slip that Hordak was dead, Adora found herself sitting in her cell with Bow and a reluctant Glimmer. Bow has come to check on Adora a few times over the last week, and was expecting another short, awkward conversation about what food Adora liked or what she thought about the gardens, but instead saw the princess behind him and was instantly on alert. She had told Adora before that she wasn't the rebellion's enforcer, but Adora couldn't shake the feeling she wasn't being truthful. At the very least she acted like an enforcer. Intimidating, a deep focus on her cause, and a willingness to get her hands dirty. That girl was the most dangerous person there, Adora was certain of it. 

"Hey Adora!" Bow greeted, cheery as ever, as he stood in front of the barrier. 

"Hello." Adora answered curtly, her eye on Glimmer. The rebel commander was looking anywhere but at her. 

"How was your morning session with Perfuma?" Bow smiled. 

"...Okay....w-we talked about guilt....and um..." Adora grabbed her journal and thumbed through a few pages. "uh...'self esteem'...I don't get how you're supposed to feel good about yourself when you're not useful, but--ugh....never mind..." She dropped her head. Adora nodded toward Glimmer. "Why is she here?"

Bow looks back over his shoulder at Glimmer who has planted herself against that same wall she anchored to herself during the meeting, but seems lost in her thoughts. 

"The queen said she should come and actually spend time with you, you know, get to know you?" Adora gave him a hesitant stare. "I know, but I promise if she makes you uncomfortable I can kick her out...well, that's what Catra said. She demanded I come with. Which is..." She looks at the distant, but scowling face of Glimmer and looked back at Adora. "probably fair. "

Adora thought for a moment. "She can stay." Adora had thought the princess would have come by with Catra by now, if only for information, but surprisingly she hadn't. She wasn't sure if she was avoiding her, or had given up on bothering with dealing with her. But here she was forced to talk to Adora...why? 

"Glimmer come sit down." Glimmer shot Bow a withering stare and he just patted the empty chair next to him. She huffed and sat on the edge, her body turned away. A tense silence filled the room. "Yay...bonding..." Bow said quietly. 

Adora, uncertain of what to do, just started writing in her journal again. While Bow tapped his fingers together. Glimmer was burning a hole in the wall with her eyes.

"How long do you think I have to stay in her for my mother to be satisfied." She asked Bow without looking away from the wall. 

Adora looked up. "Why is she having you talk to me, anyway? I mean I told you everything. Catra knows all the Horde stuff I know so...why is she bothering? If it's about defecting--"

"Look I don't care if you defect! I don't care if you choose to rot in that cell until the war is over! My queen gave me an order to sit here and talk to you but I don't have to like it!" Glimmer shouted, her eyes turned on Adora. She took a few heavy breaths and then planted her head in her hands. 

Bow let out a long sigh. "Glimmer...can't you just talk to her like any other person?"

Glimmer looked at Bow, her hands still hovering at her face. "....I'm trying. I am. I just...Ugh!" She looks at Adora. "When I look at you I-I..."

Adora leaned forward in her desk chair. "I get it. You want to wail on me. I get it. Looking at you isn't fun for me either, Princess. Last time we talked you caught me when I was weakest...and frankly I thought we might have come to an understanding...Though I thought that once or twice before..." Adora could feel the buzzing in her head. She hadn't felt it in over a week. This wasn't good. She needed to do breathing exercises. But instead she kept talking. "...but I guess I was wrong. I've been wrong to think you're not like the vicious blood thirsty princesses I learned about in training...this place," She gestured to her room, "may not be what I expected. But you are." Adora pointed a finger at Glimmer. 

Glimmer let out a guttural groan. "Whatever. Fuck this. I'm not going to be bulled into something by some unhinged horde scum. I have no idea what my mother or Catra see in you! I get it! you were hurt! It sucks! But you still made choices! You could have left that place any fucking time you wanted to! Catra told me she asked you three times and you just kept fighting her! Hurting her! Going back there! Why!?"

Adora leapt to her feet. "You don't get to judge me, princess! You have no idea how hard it is! To watch your best friend just....disappear. I thought she was....I was so stupid..." The buzzing dulled as Adora started taking long deep breaths and her eye filled with tears. "...I thought you had done something to her...to Hordak...That's what Shadow Weaver--my training said happened to defectors...They were influenced by magic or tempted by decadence....if they weren't satisfied with the Horde they must have been weak minded fools tricked by evil princesses..." Adora let out a heavy sigh.

"Is that why you haven't defected? Like officially? After all this time?" Bow asked quietly. Adora just nods. "You know this isn't a trick right? If you defect you will be given mercy and sanctuary. I promise."

"....Thank you..." Adora nearly whispers. She rubs her temples a moment. "But...if I do...then I'm weak. Only...only the weak defect. Turn their backs on their home....but I don't want to go back there.." 

"You don't have to." Glimmer says curtly. "Frankly I don't care where you go as long as it's not back to the Horde. It puts us...and you at risk. My mother wouldn't allow it. For a lot of reasons..."

Adora let out a long staggered breath. "I know..." Adora clenched her journal tightly in her hands, the leather creasing into a mess of spiderweb-like bends near her hands. "I just want to be where Catra is..." She admitted quietly. 

Glimmer's stare was as intense as ever but the exact emotion was unreadable. "Well I know she wants you here...for some reason..." Glimmer said almost dismissively. She stood up and found another wall to lean against. "Whatever you decide you'll be in this room for a while regardless. You're still considered a danger to yourself and others."

Bow let out a slow hiss. Adora stared at him a moment and looked back at Glimmer sulk. "I know I am. I've spent the whole time you've been in here I've been trying to keep myself from imagining grinding your face into the floor." Glimmer let out a little chuckle. "You're very irritating."

"I get that a lot. " Glimmer said, sounding amused. 

Bow looked at Glimmer then to Adora and back, a little smile forming on his lips. Glimmer must have seen it because she furrows her brows. "What?"

"Nothing." He said quickly, still smiling to himself. Glimmer just scoffed and turned back to face Adora. 

"I will tell you, if you defect, and stay here, you'll have to earn it. A probational period at least. That's after you've proven yourself stable enough to do more than sit in this room and visit the gardens for a couple hours a day. " Glimmer said, sternly. 

"Is that really necessary, Glimmer?" Bow asked, clearly concerned by her lingering distrust of Adora. 

Adora put up her hand. "It's okay. I understand." Adora took a long deep breath and dropped to a knee. She hung her head and pointed her eye to the ground. "I officially defect from the Horde. I decline my rank and abandon my comrades. I am nothing. I am no longer Horde." Adora gave one final salute, her fist resting on her heart. 

Bow cocked an eyebrow and looked at Glimmer who kept her same mild scowl. "Well that was something... does...does the Horde have official guidelines for...defecting from the Horde?...."

"...yes?" Adora said, seemingly thinking that was a stupid question. She slowly climbed back to her feet. 

Glimmer and Bow look at her a moment, clearly confused. "Why?" Glimmer simply asked. 

Adora thought for a moment. Why did the Horde have procedures for defecting? If someone was defecting why would they still care about Horde proceedure enough to bother?...but then again...Adora bothered..."...I don't know...."

"Whatever. My mom will come by once I tell her you've made your decision and officially lead you through the rules and restrictions and everything." Glimmer let out a long sigh that became groan. "Why is it every time I talk to you I end up being the one losing ground?....Ugh. I'm done here. Good luck, Adora." Her scowl slipped for a moment into a small grin before she disappeared in a flash of pink sparkles. 

Bow looked at Adora a minute. "I think that went well." He smiled brightly. "I'm proud of you, Adora." 

Adora let her mouth hang open a moment before turning away from Bow. "Why? Because I finally gave in?"

"No." Bow said firmly. "Don't do that. This isn't some mind game. I mean it. I'm proud of you because you decided to do something to help you. You chose to take another step toward healing."

The tension in Adora's muscles seemed to give way as she crumbled into her desk chair. "I feel like a quitter and a failure."

"Adora what you're doing is very brave. I know everything is confusing and difficult, but I know Catra, Angella, Perfuma....they all believe in you. So do I. I have your back, Adora. I promise."

Adora stared at Bow for a long moment. "Has Catra told you how important a promise is to us?"

Bow stood up. "Yeah. She has." He smiled and gave a firm nod. "I gotta go. But I'll make sure either I or Catra are here with you when the queen lays out the terms for your formal defection." Bow knocked on the door and watched it open. "Later, Adora."

"Bye Bow." 

And just like that Adora was left alone with her thoughts. She was no longer Horde. There was no going back. It should feel like freedom, never having to go back to that miserable place...but all Adora could feel was shame. All she could feel was a twisting, swirling guilt in the pit of her stomach. And it didn't feel like it was going to go away.


End file.
